Musings of a Prodigal Son - Life is Still Short

“...What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” (James 4:14)

The contents of an earlier entry are posted in quotations below. As I read these words again, I thought about many we have lost since the time that I typed the words below in early July 2016. Just two short years and so many losses. 

It is a wonderful thing to have grown up in a small community. I have worked in several large cities in my adult life and live in a relatively large one now. When conversations of “where are you from?” come up, I have always been rather proud to tell people where I am from. Sometimes, people would say things like, “I wouldn’t want to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else’s business.” When people have said this, I’ve just smiled because there is no need in trying to explain the warmth you feel from knowing people and seeing how much they care when a community crisis occurs, such as the death of one of our own. People can’t understand who haven’t experienced it.

As I reflect on our small community, I am reminded that many have passed on even since I typed the entry that I referenced above. Several high school friends, some my age, some younger, some older, and several prominent community members have gone on. People of importance for everyone is important to someone. Years ago, no one would have ever thought about them not “being there.” Some have been lost to illness, some to tragedy, some to old age. Several have been lost in our little community in a very short span of time. No matter what the cause of the end of our life, life truly is short. This is a fact no matter how many years we are given. Even at my age, I am reminded that I have lived more years than I have left even in the best of circumstances. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. As Solomon stated in the book of Ecclesiastes, life is a brief shadow(here today gone tomorrow). Nothing we place value in that is a part of this realm will remain. The only thing important is our salvation (only in Christ Jesus) and the impact we leave on other people. Even that impact will fade with time as those people in turn impact others. As the man of God stated, “Days Born of a Woman are Few and Full of Trouble” (Job 14:1)

Times like these remind us that time spent with others is more important than time spent with things, preparation for the life to come becomes more important than our meager investments in the world of now, giving becomes more important than receiving—because giving has lasting value both in this world and the one to come, wisdom from heaven becomes much more important than the knowledge of the world, the profession of our faith is more important than the profession of our career. 

(Post from July 6, 2016)

“I am sitting here writing this feeling somewhat numb. Just got the news a few minutes ago that a friend of mine from high school was killed in an automobile accident. He was a few years older (3) than myself and I really looked up to him in school. He was the quarterback of our local small town high school football team. I was also coming along as a young quarterback at that time and I looked up to him as a result. I remember having knee reconstruction surgery when I was 13 y/o and he and another team member, also a friend, made me a stool to prop my knee on while I watched the games (since I was only days removed from surgery). He was a nice guy. We grew up playing "pickup games" of football in each other's yards and also on the school football field. He graduated and moved on to bigger and better things, eventually becoming a helicopter pilot transporting those critically injured from hospital to hospital or from crash site to hospital to get the medical care they needed. I even read from another friend on facebook that he had recently went on a mission trip to another country with his wife. He had several children. He had several brothers and sisters, one of which was one of my best friends in high school. I remember his robust laugh and his sense of humor. Subsequently, I have read many accounts on facebook of his impact on many lives that his life touched through the years. His earthly life is over. In a hundred years, no one will remember that he was a quarterback, a helicopter pilot, of any of the things that the world places "significance" on. Rather, something else will remain. 

I am sure that many of you reading this will have similar stories of friends who left "unexpectedly" or too early from your perspective. We get so busy going through our everyday lives that we often do not take the time to think about how fragile life really is. We can be here one instance and gone the next. It is at times like these that we are reminded not to put off telling those that we love and care about the things we need to tell them. It is also a time of reflection on what is really important in life. Not the homes we live in, the cars we drive, the gadgets we accumulate, but rather the relationships we foster and the hereafter that we prepare for. What's important in this life comes down to basically two things: 1)Our impact and influence on others. 2)Making preparation for what comes after. 

Having an impact on others is the primary purpose of what we call our earthly life. It is not dependent on the things we possess, the jobs we work, or the knowledge that we accumlate. Rather, it is contingent on time spent investing in the lives of others. This includes family, acquaintances,and strangers. Little things in this regard often have lasting consequences. For instance, a kind word spoken to a stranger may be the difference in that person giving up and taking their life or being inspired to carry on and in turn influencing others for the good. 

Another important thing is preparing for what comes after. This is always a faith endeavor. It requires that we believe in something that we cannot physically see. For Christians, this means putting our faith and trust in Jesus Christ as the only way to God. Acceptance of the free gift of salvation with the realization that nothing we do merits God's favor but an acceptance of what Jesus did for each of us on the cross, asking God to forgive us of our sins, and turning to Him as the One true God. I know, it doesn't sound reasonable. How can it be that simple? Faith my friend. Believing what God says in the Bible as true.

A successful life, no matter how short or long we may think it is, comes down to these two simple truths: 1)investment in others 2)Faith in Jesus as the way of salvation. 

I'm thankful that my friend seemed to realize this and he made these investments. After all, these are the only things that truly remain.

Musings of a Prodigal Son: Sacrificial Love (My Mom)

I know that Mother’s Day has past, but I wanted to take the opportunity to express how thankful I am to have my mother with me for a visit. She has made so many sacrifices over the course of her life. Most of you may know that she is an extrovert (she never meets a stranger). If she does meet a stranger, they are only a stranger for as long as it takes for them to respond to her first salutation. She has always loved interacting with others. I am also thankful that I inherited this trait from her. I like to talk. I like to write. I like to post. 

Many reading this post may already know but my father was just the opposite. He was the consummate example of patience and quietness (unless he knew you well). He did have one of the most remarkable senses of humor I have ever known. However, he preferred to stay out of the lime light and avoided crowds and large groups of people whenever possible. He didn’t like to travel but was very much a “home body.” I also like to be at home, an attribute that I inherited from him. The reason that I bring this up is that my mom supported him all the years they were together. He liked to stay at home (not go anywhere often) so she stayed at home with him. They had many good years together. My point is, however, that I know my mom would have loved it had my dad liked to travel and get out (away from home) more. But since he did not, she supported him in that and stayed at home most of the time with him. She hasn’t expressed this to me, I just observed and reflect. Adapting all those years took some sacrifice on her part. 

I had a relative to talk to me when my dad became ill in 2008 and it was apparent that his condition was terminal. That relative told me that I also needed to prepare for my mother’s death because without my dad, she would decline rapidly. I told that relative that I thought they were mistaken. The reason is because I knew my mom well. I had watched some of the sacrifices that she made over the years. Don’t get me wrong, my dad was very good to her. I’m just saying that she made sacrifices too. Their marriage was a model of sacrifice and love. 

My dad passed away very quickly after becoming ill. So quickly that we were all in shock for a period of time after he passed away. Once my mom progressed through this period, I noticed that she began to blossom in some ways. She was very much grieving for my dad but there was a part of her that was coming alive. She began to get out more socially. She began to travel with senior citizens groups. I am so glad that she did. She had sacrificed so much of herself during those years of marriage with my dad that I was happy to see her be able to do many of the things that he would have never enjoyed doing. They were just different. They were so in love but so different. As I look back at their lives together and the wonderful life that they created for my brother and myself, I am honored that my mother sacrificed so much of herself for so long so that my dad could be happy. She set such a high standard as a wife.

As I spend time with my mom now, I notice how frail she often is. I am glad that she took the opportunity to travel when she did because now she has stated that she really has no desire to go anywhere else. As I spend these days with her, I am reminded of the gift that she has been and continues to be to us. In addition to this, the prayers that she prays for us are priceless. Is she perfect? No. Because she is such an extrovert, you will find that out very quickly. But she is genuine.

I want to enjoy as much time with her as possible. Every night that she can spend with us, I consider a great gift. I want to honor her and listen to the wisdom that comes from her heart. Tomorrow is not promised, but we have today.

Musings of a Prodigal Son: Betwixt -The Problem of Divorce and Fatherhood

As Father’s Day just passed, this dad did some reflecting on his life. I must admit that I have many failures in the most important task of being a father. Of note is the fact that I had a good dad, always present, always willing to lend an ear. This is a look at my life based on me and me only. I have no one to blame but myself. I would like to say that I didn’t know any better but I did. This is an honest look at my own life as a dad which encompasses several issues that bear sharing. First and foremost, let me say that we can often learn a lot from people when they discuss their failures. When we do honest introspection, it often yields truths that bear listening to. I once heard a preacher sharing that when men are in crisis and discussing their failures, we can learn a lot from them. He referred to Jim Baker, the famous PTL creator who became famous in the 1970s and who was a pioneer in Christian Television, who was in prison for embezzlement of funds and wrote the book “I Was Wrong”. There are many truths in that book. You can learn a lot from a man as he reflects on his failures.  I would recommend it to any who have never read it. It is an honest look from the perspective of a man who had time to think about his sins and their consequences on him and others and most of all on the impact in his relationship with God. 

Let me begin this reflection by saying that I have often not been there for my children. There are many reasons for this, foremost being my own selfishness. Many times, I have put my own selfish desires for “things” ahead of my concern for my children. I have often purchased things for myself when I should have invested in my children (going to see them, plane tickets, time off from work, etc.) It brings me great pain as I write these things. Often my life has been dominated by one Hobby or another. Hobbies are not bad in and of themselves. They are often distractions from the stress of daily life. However, sometimes they can take us away from more important things. Often my hobbies have taken me away from spending quality time with my children, praying for them, investing in them. I like to collect “things”. I have often joked that one day my children will sell many of these “things” at garage sales for $1. As I think about this, it reminds me that “things”, no matter how valuable they may seem to us in the moment, will never have any lasting value. They will pass away. Only the relationships and investments in others, particularly our children, will remain. My investments have often been in things which is another way that I have failed as a father. Another reason I have often not been there for my children is due to the physical absence that has been the result of decisions that I have made that put physical distance between myself and those who needed me the most. This brings up another important point and I don’t want anyone who may be reading this to misunderstand. Let me explain. Divorce is wrong. It is never the intention of God. I know that sometimes it is inevitable as one or the other person makes decisions that are contrary to God’s will for their lives. I am in no way advocating for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, I am just stating that there is a reason that God calls divorce a sin. Divorce dissolves the most important unit in our quest to serve God. It disintegrates the core of our foundation to be what we need to be in our most basic and important roles in this life. If creates barriers and often distance from the very ones who need us the most, our children. If they don’t have us present, they in turn are affected in their growth and the effect over time is destructively immeasurable. Practically let me give an example. I grew up in a home where both my father and mother were present. I consider myself greatly blessed. They were unified in their approach to parenting and in their love for each other. When a crisis occurred (i.e. death in the family, conflict with a classmate, minor crisis at school) they were both there to offer their input and support. This is not so in the life of a child that does not have one or the other parent present. Something is missing. Everything that parent could offer in the moment is missing.  Often one (or both) of the parents is spending their energy in other relationships separated by time and space. This has often been the case in my life. I find myself often not really knowing what is going on in the life of my children. I still could know more than I often do (i.e. Selfishness) but because of divorce, even if I always had the best of intentions, I would be limited. My sin created this limitation.

My wife and I love each other very much. We often discuss how divorce has affected our lives. We are content that God through his grace put us together. However, this was only after we both made mistakes that resulted in some of the circumstances listed above. Now we are limited in our options due to our sin. For instance, there is no way for both of us to be completely present for our children and grandchildren. Her child and grandchild lives in Miami. My children and grandchildren live in Miami, Atlanta, and Alabama. How can we be there for all of them even if we had the best of intentions? If divorce had not occurred in our lives and our family unit had remained strong, we could be in one place unified for our children and grandchildren. I know many of you are thinking that children move away, etc. True. However, we could have been there for their formative years when they needed (need) us the most. This is just one example. What I am trying to illustrate is that the effect of Sin, in this case divorce, is far reaching. As I see pictures of my grandchildren in Alabama, I am often reminded that I could positively impact their lives if I was present with them more than I am. My wife thinks the same thing when she sees pictures of her grandsons in Miami and Texas. Do you see the dilemma? There is no way to be unified on this front. We have created two distinct units that need us. Her children and grandchildren need her. My children and grandchildren need me. However, my wife and I need each other. Therefore, someone will invariably suffer. I believe that divorce is one of the enemy’s (Satan) greatest weapons. It is the destruction of the cell before it has a chance to divide and further nurture life.

I must admit that I am a little envious when I see pictures on Facebook of families that have remained together and their children and grandchildren seem to be all in one place (or in close proximity). It reminds me of the consequences of my own sin.

Sin has a cascade effect. Often one sin, in this case divorce, leads to another to another. All the while, the effect on the individual and others is immense.

At my dad’s funeral, I made the statement that if I could be half the man that he was, I could consider myself to have been a good man. As I reflect on my life, I am losing this battle, particularly as it relates to fatherhood.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Hunger and Thirst

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6) 

 Here I am sitting alone out on the terrace of a cliff house on one of the most beautiful islands in the world. As I look at the Aegean Sea and small vessels below, I am reminded that I should be at peace in these most peaceful of surroundings. But I am not. It comes to me while I am sitting here that I need to look at why I am not. As I reflect on my life, I am aware that I have lived much of it in selfishness. I have accomplished many of the things that I set out to do but somehow missed the most important things. I reached for the good instead of the best. I invested in myself instead of others. I ministered to many others while leaving those closest to me (my family) to languish. I've lived most of my life knowing in my heart that the things of God were often the exact opposite of what my mind could rationalize but taking the rational path anyway only to come to the end of some practical path to discover that it did not lead to my created purpose. There is a reason why the life of faith is often thought of and referred to as "the road less traveled." A life of faith is often fraught with misunderstandings and opinions that are contrary to the rational mind. It is the life of the obedient person who obeys without asking "why." A Life of Destiny is the belief in the promises of God as they are stated in His Word without thought that they seem unreasonable. However, the more I learn the harder it becomes to walk in faith. My experience has been contrary to simple obedience. Life often teaches me the opposite lesson instead of the lesson of faith. If life confirmed faith, it would no longer be faith but experience. The more "learned"I become, the harder I become.The more equipment I carry up the side of the mountain, the harder it becomes to just let go. The one consolation that I have is the fact that I am not content. It shows me that my heart has been changed by my creator. Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, gives us a new birth at salvation. I'll never be content doing things "rationally" or the "normal" way. I shouldn't expect to be. My citizenship is in heaven. Why do I keep taking the citizenship test to try to fit in this foreign land (world)? I don't want to reach the end of my earthly life feeling like I missed my destiny in this world. I would like to hear the words, "Well done they good and faithful servant, you have fulfilled your destiny in Christ." I don't want to arrive in glory with the moniker, "Even though you didn't fulfill your destiny and had the power through Christ to do so, enter into my glory on the basis of my Dear Son. However, be aware that your destiny on earth must needs be fulfilled by someone else who utilized their new relationship in Christ to the fullest." Many of you can remember how you did not want to disappoint your loving parents by disobeying them. I don't want to disappoint my heavenly Father by disobeying Him. Please Pray for Me.

A Life of Distinction With No Distinctions

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” (Matthew 13:44)

 

A Life of Distinction with No Distinctions

This entry is a tribute to someone who influenced my life. In a good way. He was someone who did not seek to draw attention to himself but simply lived to help others. The ironic thing is that I was introduced to him by someone that also impacted me. He had been influenced by this man prior to ever meeting me. The Kingdom of God is like that. It is infectious. It spreads when the elements of influence are willing vessels that seek only His (Jesus)Glory. He has been gone from his earthly domain for approximately 5 years now. He left without me even knowing because of my own disobedience and journey away from my own purpose. His seed remains in me as well as many others. Of that I am sure. He is even teaching me a lesson now. Kingdom seeds are the only thing that remain. They may appear dormant or dead only to sprout at times when we least expect. I am reminded that God is the author and finisher of our faith. 

 

I first met this man and his wonderful wife in the early 1990s. I was a Pastor then struggling with my own faith and trying to help those in my care with theirs. I was also becoming more and more distant from my young wife due to my insistence to focus all of my efforts on the “task” I believed that God had set before me. My friend and in many ways my Pastor, (although in form I was his Pastor), introduced me to this man and his wife due to some medical ailments and concerns I had. This person of which I speak was a well-respected physician. He maintained a practice inside his home on the outskirts of Griffin, GA. I recall he also worked as a physician at a nearby prison but poured his life into others at his home and generally wherever he went. For me our first meeting was the strangest of experiences. I went in their home and they immediately started “loving on me.” I loved it. The natural part of me (the earthly) was a little uncomfortable at first, partly because I had always been intimidated by physicians and partly because so much of what they did was tied to “there” while I spent so much of my life “here.” Let me explain as best I can. The Kingdom of God is a whole different dimension. If we are fortunate, we may catch a glimpse of the Kingdom and expeience it while we are in this present world. Most of us, even when we are “being spiritual”, live our lives bound by this present world and rarely live “there” (in the Kingdom reality). Occasionally, God in His infinite Grace, allows us to glimpse someone who is living so much in the reality of God’s Kingdom, they appear like an “odd duck” in this dimension. As I heard W.A. Criswell, the famous Pastor of First Baptist Church of Dallas, TX for many years, stated of Corrie Ten Boom-the missionary that, “She was so much there that she brought there to here. She’d be talking to me one minute and go off with God the next.” This was my experience with this couple in Griffin, GA. When I was with them, I often didn’t know what was happening but just knew it was something good. They had a “prophet room” upstairs reserved for sojourners such as myself. I found out later that this room was open to many servants of God who came to them for healing of various kinds. They set aside time for praise, ministering, and general healing. They seemed to stay in this state but they set aside the times so that I could enter that state with them. Everything was covered from spiritual surgery to prostate exams. I found this union of realities wonderful. One characteristic of all of this still remains striking to me. There was NO DISTINCTION BETWEEN ANY ASPECTS OF THEIR LIVES. Everything was integrated. I can say that I have seen that only rarely in my life. (I don’t mean to infer that they didn’t maintain a private husband and wife relationship. They did.) There was no GOING TO WORSHIP. They seemed to remain there. There was no GOING TO CHURCH (although they attended church regularly and he pastored a church). They were constantly in a state of BEING THE CHURCH. As I think about their example, I think about the original purpose of man---to fellowship with God. Herein lies happiness and contentment. 

This man is now enjoying his reward. His temporal existence on this earth has given way to full revelation of the Glory of Jesus Christ. However, the influence of this man and his wife, (his wife still resides in that small town), continue to have an impact on this fellow traveler. I am not where I need to be but the Kingdom Influence of people like them helps give me a concrete example of which direction I need to head. His/Her name is unimportant for you who may not have known Him. Some reading this will know. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field…..When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his Joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. “

Musings of a Prodigal Son: A Heart Problem

1Corinthians 13 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.

 

I don’t want to add to the controversy in regard to “gun control” but I do want to express a few things in regard to same. First and foremost, I admit that I do not understand all of the nuances of this issue. I would like to add that I don’t believe that anyone truly does. We are all the victim of our own experiences. Secondly, the problem is much bigger than one specific issue(i.e. gun control, video game violence, etc). Thirdly, the world has changed. Some see these changes for the better, some for the worse. There has always been change for each progressive generation throughout history regardless of nationality or creed. We are most familiar with the changes in our lifetime. One thing that has changed is the ability to reach out to hundreds, thousands, of people with propaganda of any kind by simply posting something on the internet. In past generations, planes would drop pamphlets with information (often true, often erroneous) so that masses of people could be reached. Now, all it takes is a computer and a keyboard or even just a smartphone. Because we are saturated with so much “information” we are all susceptible to falsehood and subtle changes in our viewpoint because of that “information.” My opinion is that we really know less now than we did 100 years ago because so much information is worse than having no information at all. Just because some things appear to be true and are accepted by the masses does not mean that they are true. Just look at the average German citizen during WW2. 

Much has been said, and I believe rightly so about the absurdity of thinking that access to guns is the problem at hand in this current climate of “change”. We need to look no further than the prohibition period where the “outlawing” of ownership of alcohol only led to the entrepreneurship of a criminal element to supply the masses with alcohol. The flip side of that coin has also been articulated by many with the concern of the citizenry at not being able to defend themselves from attacks by various means, including threat to personal property and family. This is a valid concern. Part of my daughter’s extended family are from Brazil, where the possession of firearms is illegal for the bulk of the citizenry. Most of her family members who reside there have had intruders to break into their homes and many have beenrobbed at GUNPOINT. How? The criminal element has availed themselves of the opportunity to purchase firearms from the other criminal entrepreneurs who deal in illegal arms. By making people defenseless from attack, it adds an incentive (and market) for those who wish to exploit others to be able to take advantage of people at their weakest for personal gain. 

The bottom line is that we need a viable way to defend ourselves. We will never get beyond that. That is why there will always be a need for law enforcement. Enforcement implies force. The police FORCE people to operate within the law. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that without force, people would break the law. Guns in the home FORCE people to take that into consideration before an attempt is made to invade a home. My ex-wife works as a counselor/case manager within the federal prison system. She has stated many times that robbers and thieves (your average home invader) have told her that they would pass on a home where they knew that the occupants possessed firearms. Enough said. 

There is the problem of school violence. Does the fact that our citizenry has access to guns contribute to this problem and make it worse? Probably. Should there potentially be some form of regulation on who can own a gun? Possibly. Be aware however that once a precedent of regulation is set, there is an agenda to push for absolution of weaponry being owned by the citizenry and the results of not being able to own a firearm would create an even greater problem. A defenseless society is a vulnerable society. The only reason this is even being “considered” is because it has been so long since our nation has had to deal with a threat from without. We haven’t faced potential invasion as a lot of the nations of the world have. Would we even be “blaming access to guns” if we had? I think not. Our founding fathers would not have even entertained such non-sense (presumably because invasion of their homeland by others was fresh on their mind). The bottom line is that you don’t solve one problem by creating an even bigger one.

What is the solution? 

I don’t think there are any clear-cut answers. But what I do know is that we should not consider eliminating a means (guns) which in turn would create a bigger problem. As has been stated by many others much more eloquently that I would ever be able to posture, we don’t have a gun problem, we have a people problem. We have a heart problem. Man has always failed in his/her various attempts to control situations from the outside. We need to foster change from within. This means we need to look at the heart. Our heart. Our heart issue as a nation has resulted in a reluctance to take responsibility for oneself. We expect someone else to do it (the government or some force outside of ourselves). Mental health counseling by trained clinicians in school should possibly be made a priority but the cost and potential liability issues would be a barrier to this. Once again, we are back to the heart issue. Our focus on blaming someone else has resulted in a society marked by fears of a lawsuit and liability (I will exploit you to get something for me society). This has often resulted in school systems who cannot discipline, programs that cannot be effective, truths that cannot be spoken. To teach others to focus on individual responsibility would be too much of a monetary liability. Teachers and workers who care often have their hands tied and are not able to do what they KNOW would be effective because of our “lawsuit happy” society.  

Working as a youth pastor taught me that young people usually respond to caring and love. We need to be more diligent to foster love for the “outliers.” Those on the fringe. Those who are different. We need to teach our children to love the unlovely. To do this, they must first learn to love themselves. To love themselves often means they need help seeing themselves as they really are, wonderful creations by a God who loves them and made them uniquely for a specific purpose that they have the joy of pursuing. The only way they can listen to the unpleasant and the untidy honesty of another fringe loner is to know who they are themselves. Love still fosters change. Love casts out fear. Much of the rhetoric that I hear in these marches and protests is based on fear. Fear is a learned behavior that can only be remedied by love. The reality is that there will always be some form of “gun.” There will always be another “means” that will be the object of fear (i.e. drugs, alcohol, knives, guns, gangs, sex). As each successive generation lives, there will always be something to fear. Whatever the object of that fear happens to be, it is usually NOT the problem. 

The heart is the problem. When things are not as they should be, we should look within, not without. I believe Dr. Martin Luther King is one of the greatest men of the 20th century and of all time. He didn’t see guns, knives, ropes, or jails as the problems within society. All had been used to hurt his people on a wide scale. He didn’t march to eliminate them. I believe that he saw the problem for what it is. It is a problem of the heart. Hearts are the issue. As long as they are, even necessary things can become a “means.”

Wilderness Shuffle

I cannot speak for others but in my life, God has often worked in me "behind he scenes". It hasn't been through the "normal" channels of church attendance, mentoring from another pastor, etc.....I have tried those things even before I became a pastor but the direction that seemed to open to me was something different. I don't always know what that "different" will be. I usually know that there is a change in season for me when I begin to experience an unrest. Sometimes that unrest has been due to hardship, sometimes it has come from an internal source when everything outwardly seems to be going ok. I picture it as a type of burning bush experi nice where you see the bush burning but do not yet know what it means. I can just tell you that I am experiencing unrest and I am not being pulled toward the "normal" channels. I am asking those of you who read this to pray for me. I am ok to continue on the path I am on unless/until God makes another path clear to me. Just pray for me. But please don't pray for what you "think" or for what other people have done in your experience, just pray that I hear from God when he speaks. I have been/am a wilderness pastor. God has always called me out of the wilderness and not the palace. Not sure how things will work just know that I am internally searching. I have never been attracted to "form" whether it is espoused by people I Love or not. Don't know why I am writing this now but I am. I have never been attracted to just attending church. I have been “inspired” many times and have no desire to be motivated to do something such as go somewhere. I do, however, long for substance. I remember an instance when I served as a Pastor when a man whom I wanted to “come to church” met with me in a local office and we discussed his “commitment.” He expressed to me that he loved God and often would have moments of revelation while he was out alone plowing in one of his fields. At the time, I dismissed his comments as nothing more than the conversation of one who “was not committed to God.” I knew that he was a good man....just not a committed man. I have had to re-think my position. When I have looked back over my life, it has often been away from the norms of church that God has spoken to me. It was in this context that I was called into the ministry. It is in this context that I find myself now. I have sought in the past “to fight against this.” Why? Is it less legitimate for God to speak in a context that is often apart from what we have defined as church? I have looked around and noticed that as our world has changed, so has the form of what we call church. Many people worship and interact now with others through forms of media that in previous generations were not possible. Not only can you “watch” a service from your home, you can now interact in real-time with people in another location. We call it “social media”. I do not think it is far-fetched to even think of the concept of internet pastor. I think there is now a place for this in our world. Some have already embraced this concept. Is it a replacement for the “local” church? No, but it is no less viable. However God speaks to you, the important thing is to let Him speak and hear. 

Relationship with God has always been the issue. I have heard it said, “If you are right with God, you’ll want to go to church.” I would say that if we are right with God, we will desire to BE the church. In whatever context that may take. 

If you disagree, just pray for me and love me.