Musings of a Prodigal Son - Let's Get Real

"Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes ' or 'No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil. (Matthew 5:36-37-NIV)

This passage is from the "Sermon on the Mount". It was during a time of teaching great truths that Jesus uttered these words to his disciples and followers. In a discussion of "oaths" or promises, Jesus warned against speaking oaths or making idle promises. Much has been made of idle words but not much is often spoken about the deeper meaning behind Jesus' words. We are warned in this passage of scripture not to make oaths. An oath is a binding promise. Jesus was basically saying, "Let your word be true and honest." I had the discussion with a co-worker today about the lack of truth between what people present and who they really are, even in the work place. It seems that we often have different "personas" in different circumstances. There is the "work" self, the "father" self, the "mother" self, the "home" self, and the "church" self. These are just some examples but most people have some variation of one or the other of these. Sometimes it is a subtle change and is not intended to be deceptive, it is just a way we "adapt" to the environment that we are in. Let me illustrate by an example. When someone says in the workplace, "That's a shitty situation." Everyone usually goes about their business without a second thought. But.....if you make that same statement in church.....most have a reaction as if they have never heard it before. (Many of those with a "I can't believe he would say something like that in church" look on their face might have even said something similar themselves earlier in the week, but you'd never know it by their reaction. What's the difference? Jesus spent much time talking about the fact that THOSE WHO KNOW HIM ARE THE CHURCH, wherever they are. Why the difference in our personas when we are "at Church" or around certain people? Many people who don't verbalize it have those same inconsistencies in their minds but are reluctant to share what they are really thinking with others. Most of us have some inconsistencies in the way we relate to others and even to ourselves in different circumstances. I remember on one occasion when I was a pastor, another pastor who I respect very much looked at me one day while we were laughing about something and said, "Well damn, Rodney." I was stunned. I couldn't believe my friend, the pastor, had said such a thing! He was just being congruent with who he is. In other words, he is not perfect (BUT HIS SAVIOR IS). The imperfections in our own character are often what points to our need of the Savior. Those imperfections and the confession that Jesus forgives us and is our righteousness is also what draws many people to Christ. They, too, need him. Jesus was saying, [my interpretation] "Be real. Be who you are and ask me to help with the inconsistencies. Don't hide them.  Let your yes be yes, even to you. Don't sanction something with my name that you may be wrong about [you don't have the authority] but be real. If you had it all together on your own, I would not have had to die for you. I love you anyway and will forgive you for what you do that is wrong if you'll just confess those things that I reveal to you. Be real. You're not going to be perfect this side of eternity. Don't project it yourself and don't expect it of others."

Let me share something with you that I can speak about because I have been in the position of Pastor and I have also spent a great deal of time in "the private sector" as an employee. God wants us to be honest and congruent. Even if our congruency is not always correct, it is helpful. Why? Because often the world is more congruent than the Church. At least they are consistent in their inconsistency. I remember a youth years ago when I was a youth pastor who was "unchurched", unlike many of the kids who were in the group. He cussed. Alot. I remember cringing when we were playing volleyball and he would say, "F**k." The point is, the young man was being congruent with who he was (he hadn't had time yet to learn to "hide" all the non-acceptable things[to learn to hide these things is not good].. Am I condoning Christians using "dirty words?" No. Jesus is still my Savior if I say, "F**K" a thousand times a day, however. I am just stating that none of us can change what we are NOT honest about. We don't just become "perfect" in this present world when we ask Jesus to save us. Sanctification is a process. It is significant to me that we are to be the light of world, which means we should spend a good bit of our time "shining" in the world (among those who don't know Christ-with our albeit imperfect light).  The only way I know what is wrong for me  is by  the Holy Spirit convicting me of what I am doing that is wrong. Even when I "know", I will still be imperfect in my relationships with others.  If we as Christians are successful in "hiding" our sins at church but allowing them to be seen in other contexts, that makes it difficult for the new believer to hear the Holy Spirit bringing conviction, because after all, other Christians are doing things that the Holy Spirit is convicting them is wrong. Hence we often see what I will refer to as "Behavioral Christianity" (sort of the same concept of Pavlov and His dog) for those of you who took introductory psychology in college. It would probably be beneficial if my brother who is searching for the TRUTH knows that I am convicted about a certain behavior and am trying to stop it because the Lord convicted me of it. It is not beneficial for me to say, "F**K" at work and then not say it on Sunday morning when I go to church. It confuses the seeker. That communicates that I am practicing "Behavioral Christianity [like the Pharisees].". Often people refer to people within the church as hypocrites due to non-congruence in the way church people behave in different circumstances, in dishonest communications, or a dishonest attitude. We shouldn't "put on" our best behavior when we meet as the Church of Jesus Christ. We should never be a Chameleon. Rather, we should be honest with one another and with ourselves, even crudely, so that we can change what needs to be changed and support one another in the changes that need to be made. In other words, if we are not careful, we are so busy trying to make ourselves look good to others that we miss the opportunity to be honest and congruent (as transparent as possible) so that others who need to know Christ can see that they are not alone in their need for a Savior. I have had people I work with tell me the following: (because now I ask), "The church is the most difficult place for me to be honest." Why is this true? This is the total opposite of the way that God wants it to be. Where did we miss it?

Over a century ago, Charles Shelton penned a book entitled, "In His Steps." It is now a Christian Classic and has been re-written by his son in contemporary language so that this generation can benefit from its great message. A homeless, destitute man came into the main "First [substitute your denomination here]Church of a city and walked to the front of the church and confronted the congregation about their ignorance of his plight although he had interacted with many of them previously. He [the destitute man] was honest. He subsequently died and the book's main plot outlines the effect of his death on various members of that congregation. The famous statement, "What would Jesus Do?" comes from this book. I mention this in the context of the things that I have written about above to drive home a point about our concept of  Church. Are we so busy supporting the reputation and projecting the image that we think we are supposed to be projecting that we lose sight of the words of Jesus? Let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no.  Honesty and congruence, even when it doesn't put us in the best light and makes things look "messy," changes things. Seek to be honest and congruent with yourself and others. This is often the difference between religion and spirituality. Spirituality is about relationship, honesty, and congruence. Religion is about form, projection, and distance between the individual and God. Religion reminds us of our distance from God and attempts in futility to reach Him. Spirituality reminds all of us how close HE really is. Honesty and congruence of character are spiritual. Think about the impact of times when you have been in church and someone you respect as a Christian gets honest about something they have been convicted of by the Holy Spirit that they are STRUGGLING to overcome. It is rare but when it happens it causes many people to examine themselves in light of their Savior and it also gives freedom to those who may not know HIM to also examine themselves. When we present ourselves as we really are, we magnify HIM [Jesus].......After all, isn't that our true purpose?

JUST AS I AM without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me, and that thou bid me come to thee, Oh Lamb of God I come, I come.......

Are you coming everyday AS YOU ARE?

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Living in the Present, Looking to the Future, Overcoming the Past

I haven't posted in awhile (a little over a month) but I want to write briefly today on a subject that has recently been on my heart. As many of you know, I have been going through what I will call a "restoration" period. I am not seeking to "lead" people at this point in my life, I am merely seeking to listen to My Father as He helps me to "be still and know that I am God." I have written much about my past in previous blogs and will continue to do so as I feel the Holy Spirit leading me to do so. I want to reflect on some recent revelations that are impacting my life and by sharing may be of some use to you. It goes without saying that all of us have a past, present, and a future (which has yet to be revealed but that exists in this realm or the one to come). The object of life it seems is to make the most of our PRESENT. It is the only thing that we have the power to truly live in. Our past is our past. We can go through the process of regret, serious contemplation about the decisions we have made, but we cannot change any of it. All that we can do is "make peace" with it by listening to God, accepting his forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves. We can also learn from our mistakes and help others who may be struggling with some of the same issues that we have struggled with in our past. Many people also live with worries about the future. How am I going to make it? What can I do about this upcoming problem? Where can I go to have peace? These are all questions that result from trying to "live" in the future. A point needs to be made here, living in the present does not excuse us from planning for the future but once we have prepared everything within our power to face the future, we must trust it to God. We cannot plan for every eventuality or circumstance. Jesus said, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they {fret or worry-my paraphrase} yet your heavenly father clothes them with great beauty. How much more will he meet your needs?" This scripture is often quoted in one translation or another to address the issue of worry and fretfulness. As a substance abuse counselor in one of my former careers, I heard someone who struggled with addiction once say [forgive the language here but it is so correct], "If I keep one foot in yesterday (the past), and one foot in tomorrow (the future), then I'll end up pissing all over today (the present)." This is so accurate. The present is where God does His work in us. It is where changes are made that affect our future and the future of others who we touch with our lives.


I have recently been reading Chuck Swindoll's book on the life of Moses. (his "great lives of the Bible" series is great if you haven't read any of those books). I love the fact that much of the old testament is devoted to the lives of great men and women of faith as well as those who aligned themselves as the enemies of God. Moses was one of those great men of faith but we are allowed to see his flaws. Why? Because we all have them. Chuck Swindoll said in his book, "Moses spent the first 40 years of his life thinking he was somebody, the second 40 years of his life thinking he was a nobody, and the third 40 years of his life learning what God can do with a nobody." I don't know about you but that encourages me. I am a little over 40....a little (laugh). Not that most of us will live to be 120 years old like Moses, but he was 80 years old when God gave him the "burning bush experience" and even then he was reluctant to surrender to one of the greatest missions in the history of the world. But....God (in his great Love) helped him get to the place of greatness.....The only thing required of Moses was obedience. We are called to obey God in the present......the rest is His business. Sounds simple doesn't it? Why don't we do it? What has God called you to do? Are you obedient to Him daily? Have you told Him you want to be obedient? Have you asked Him to speak to you because you want to know what He wants you to do? You may not see the "whole" picture of the future but God promises to let you know what to do NEXT. Has he already told you and you didn't like it or thought it was too difficult? Did you rationalize with your mind that it doesn't make sense to you? Are you willing to do the NEXT thing so that the thing after can be revealed? Join me in asking God to reveal to you what to do NOW. Remember, simple decisions made NOW have far reaching consequences on the yet to be revealed future.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration (continued)

It is significant to me that it was the Holy Spirit that she was attracted to and not me. She was going out with me because she was seeking to be obedient to Him not because I was irresistible (lol). I was a little nervous leading up to our date. I dropped by her office at the end of the work day on Monday. We were to leave from the VA to our date in downtown Miami. I had made reservations at a nice Italian place on the Bay. We arrived there at approximately 5pm. The restaurant was very nice and our table overlooked the Bay. This was no McDonalds. Waiters with manicured hands who all looked the same served our evening meal. We began talking. The time got away from us and we realized at about 10pm that we had talked (and eaten) for over 5 hours. We talked about our lives what led us to where we are and had a genuinely open discussion about many different issues. It is significant to me that while we talked, we even saw dolphins jumping in the bay. It was a truly romantic setting. At around 10pm, she discovered the time and we both began the drive to her home. My thinking was that we had such a good time I felt very confident that we could do it again so I asked on the way if she would like to go out again. She replied, "We'll see." What? We were engrossed in conversation for 5 hours and I get a "we'll see" at the request of another date. I really did not know what to think. I've heard of playing hard to get but this was really strange. After I took her home, she leaned over kissed me ON MY FOREHEAD and said, "I had a really good time." She then proceded to jump out of the car and went into her house. This all happened so quickly, I didn't have time to say anything. So...I drove home wondering if I had said something or done something that scared her away. Tuesday morning I arrived to work as on other days and didn't hear from her that morning. At lunch, I went by her office and our conversation was as if we had not been on a date the previous evening. As the week was drawing to a conclusion, I asked her if she would like to go out on Friday. She replied that she would. So we went out again. I really enjoyed our conversations and her company. As time went on we went out more and more but I could tell that she kept me at a distance for awhile. After each date, I got the proverbial "peck" on the forehead. I didn't know it at the time but it would be months before she would even really kiss me. We talked at length about everything. Our past mistakes, the things we missed, the things we struggled with, etc...Early on, as we began dating, I attended church with her regularly. During this time, we became involved with a mid-week prayer group from the church that was very good. We were ministered to by others and we also ministered to others. Even during this time, God's plan of restoration was taking place. The church, were Michelle had been going prior to our knowing each other was one of the largest Hispanic churches in the US (if not the largest). There were thousands there on Sunday morning services with one service being in English and the others in Spanish. As Michelle and I continued to date, I realized that I loved her company. Not only was my Love growing for her but she was also my friend. I found that even though we came from totally different places, with totally different backgrounds, we had the same primary goals. We both love God and want to serve Him at our core. I had gotten away from this simple life focus for so many years but God was ministering to me through this wonderful lady who was helping me to "reconnect" with my Father. I was beginning the journey Home. God is so faithful and loving. Not only was he ministering through others to help me come home, he was preparing a wonderful person to share the journey with me. I DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS. I HAD MADE THE WRONG CHOICES. My favorite verse has always been Romans 8:28 "For all things work together for good for those who love God to them who are called according to the purpose." (This was embroidered on a blanket and given to me by the church that I once served on my 5th year anniversary as their pastor---I still have and treasure it). The restoration of my life by God is a testament to his greatness and the truth of this verse. As we dated over the next year, I found myself loving her more every day. She was also very good to my two youngest daughters and she cared for them a lot. She also asked about my oldest daughter very often (though she was an adult now, living in Alabama, with children of her own). We prayed for my three girls and her son often. Of course we also prayed and continue to pray that our grandchildren will be mighty people of God. We have continued to pray that our grandchildren will burn with a desire to know Jesus more and more each day. Parents, this is of vital importance. Many of us are here today because of praying mothers, fathers, and/or grandparents. Don't forget this important truth as we progress through this narrative. Prayer does change things and is not limited to the life time of the person praying. Back to my story, as Michelle and I continued to date, with love growing inside us for each other, we began to discuss the subject of marriage. We had both previously been in long-term marriages that had failed. I had been in two marriages and had failed for different reasons. I did not want to "fail" again. There is the impact on any children involved (my three daughters had suffered greatly as had Michelle's son), often regardless of age but especially young children that have not reached independent status. There is also the impact of starting over and feeling alone to handle life's pressures. It takes time to build trust, establish identities within relationships, and to deal with the insecurities that inevitably transfer from one relationship into another due to unmet needs. For any of you that have been through a divorce, the impact on all involved is staggering. There is no way to convey all the far reaching consequences of a life choice where two people, who's lives are connected in so many ways, make a choice to "disconnect" and live separate lives. The pain caused, often in unexpected places, is mind-boggling. This is why God says that divorce is not good and even in circumstances where God "allowed" it, He said it was due to "the hardness of our hearts." Sin is labeled as Sin due to the pain it causes God and others. This in no way diminishes the forgiveness that comes to those who experience divorce if they seek forgiveness. I am just stressing this so that those of us who have experienced it can appeal to others who haven't experienced the pain that divorce brings the importance of making the right choices, doing the right things, in the beginning of a relationship in order to minimize the possibility of this pain inducing sin from occurring. Otherwise, though God forgives, there are always consequences and pain as a result. Those of you who have been through divorce know exactly what I am stressing here. Those of you whose parents divorced and who have felt the sting of divorce know what I am referring to as well. Remember, the Bible says that we should walk "circumspectly" (looking around) for the days are evil." I am truly convinced that Satan's greatest assaults are against the family which, if successful, can destroy the church.  I do want to stress something important, however. I do not believe that God wants a person to stay in an abusive relationship just to "stay married." Abuse is wrong and there are many cases where divorce was the only option for someone who was abused or their children were abused. That is different. What I will stress, however, is that we should be very careful who we get involved with in the beginning. The only way to prevent getting involved with a "counterfeit" person is to spend time getting to know what is authentically good. If you want a person who is going to be good to you, spend enough time WITH GOD to be able to recognize the good. It is significant to me that is the way authorities train their personnel to recognize counterfeit money. They expose them to large quantities of the real thing. If you spend enough time with what is good, you will be able to recognize what is counterfeit (bad). (to be continued)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration Begins

I moved my family (ex-wife and two youngest daughters) to Miami for my then wife to begin her new job there on January 1, 2011. I commuted back and forth from Alabama almost every weekend to see my daughters. My youngest cried every time I had to leave to come back to Alabama to work during the week. On Friday at lunch (my supervisor allowed me to work a compressed schedule at the Central Alabama VA), I would make my way once again to Miami. I would leave on Sunday morning, to return to Alabama for work on Monday and begin the process all over again. This went on for six months. I moved to Miami, Florida in June 2011. The divorce occurred from my second wife after I moved to Miami. At the time it occurred, I didn't know what to do. Financially, we could not afford to live apart so we lived in the same house with our two daughters for approximately four months after we officially separated. When financially able, I moved into an apartment in the city of Pinecrest, just south of Miami. I was really not doing well at the time. I did have my daughters every other week (we had joint custody) but when they were not with me, I really struggled to know what my purpose was. I was a small town man in a large city--alone. I felt that I had exhausted my worth to God and that I would live out the rest of my life just trying to "get by." Let me explain.  I remembered studying Erickson's stages of development in college. One of those stages is "generativity vs. stagnation". I really felt that I was stagnating. I felt that my usefulness was gone and that my purpose in life had passed me by due to decisions that I had made. Thanks be to God, I was wrong. I have heard many times that when things seem the darkest, God is about to do something wonderful. A point here for anyone who may be in this place. The Bible says that when we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we become the children of God. I do not believe that this designation is given by accident. How many of you, though your children make mistakes, stop loving them? How much more does God, who is perfect in His Love, love His children? The answer is more than we could ever imagine. How many of us would see our children hurting and not do something to help ease that hurt? Some of you reading this might say, "Bad things happen to God's Children all the time and sometimes he does not intervene." How do you know? God does not measure intervention in terms of this world only. Sometimes he calls his children home because he loves them, sometimes he allows them opportunities to make a turn because he has a plan and purpose for them HERE in this world before they go home. Friends, we all GO HOME if we know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. It's just a matter of when. It is true that sometimes the suffering of others gives people an opportunity to draw close to God. Remember, we cannot fathom his ways because they are "higher" (and take a greater level of understanding than we are able to grasp in this realm). My point is that God loves His Children. Even when he does not seem to love them, He does. He is always waiting for you to come HOME. We sometimes fail to see that because our vision so often is confined to this time and space and it takes faith to see beyond this realm. But remember, that realm is timeless. Sometimes, the closest that we get to HOME in this present world is to be victorious in our quest to walk in the Spirit. If you are still here, God has a plan and purpose for you. If that were not true when you came to Christ, you would have gone to heaven to be with Him immediately. The Epistles of Paul are full of references that state that we are not our own, we belong to God. "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me....You were bought with a price...we are hence forth paraded in the triumph of Christ." If we are here, there is some purpose for our lives to bring glory to God. Paul said that whether he lived or died he would serve Christ until the end. My point to you is that sometimes God delivers us in this present world when we are not seeking Him. The purpose is for our lives to fulfill the purpose for which we were individually created. When that purpose is fulfilled, God will take us HOME. Back to my story. I remember sitting in a Walgreens parking lot in Pinecrest, Florida (there seems to be one on every corner in Miami). I was alone and just didn't know what to do. There were so many parts of myself that I had "put to sleep" during the previous 11 years of my life.  My truest passion I had put to sleep which is my gift of pastoring. Let me say that I was afforded many opportunities during that 11 year period to exercise the spiritual gift of pastoring. I've prayed for many people, including staff within the VA during that time but I was not "plugged" into my gifts in the service of others as my primary purpose. I was just slowly moving along with occasional glimpses of that part of myself. I remember sitting in that parking lot and calling a great friend, Jimmy Adamson, who I had spoken too infrequently during the past 11 years. This time though, I called with a specific purpose. I asked him to pray for me. I asked him to pray specifically that God would put me with people down in Miami who could help me get out of the deep abyss (horrible pit) in which I found myself. We talked and he prayed for me on the phone.  Nothing seemed to happen. In fact, things temporarily seemed to be getting worse (but God was working even though I didn't see it at the time). I was feeling more alone with great responsibility because I could see the way that the divorce between my ex-wife and I was affecting my girls (two youngest daughters). There was also a struggle going on that I am not at liberty to discuss due to the sensitivity of these issues upon others. But I can say that this was a very intense, stressful part of my life. I just didn't know what to do and God allowed me to have some time to think about my life and the direction it had gone. It was also a crossroads to determine the direction of my life in the future. I would like to say that all of my motives during this time were honorable but they were not. Often when I reflect even on this time, I see that often my motives were selfish and dominated by my own needs and wants. But I was searching for God again....I've heard preachers make the statement that everyone is searching for God in one way or another but I can tell you that this is just not true. During those 11 years from approximately 2000-2011, I was not consistently yearning to be close to God nor was I searching for Him. God is soveriegn (He presides over everything) and His grace "covers a multitude of sin." My period of being alone lasted for approximately one year. In October 2012, a friend of mine at work said that there was someone, who also worked for the VA, that she would like for me to meet. She said that this person had a good heart and had been through her own "tough times." She worked in a different area on a different floor of the VA hospital in Miami. When my friend called me at work one day (while I was in a meeting), she asked if I could come to a particular office within the VA once my meeting was complete because she wanted me to meet a friend of hers. So I went to the office she designated after my meeting. This friend of mine introduced me to the most wonderful woman anyone could possibly meet (of course I did not know that at the time). The thing that struck me about this first encounter was the first question she asked me after we were introduced. I, of course, am talking about my wonderful wife Michelle. At our first meeting, she stated that my friend had told her that I once was a pastor and she asked, "Where do you worship now?" What is significant about this is I had not been asked this for over 10 years. I was not worshipping God. I wasn't even attending any church. These two things are different by the way. I had "lost" that part of my identity. It was still inside me but I had lost my identity as a son of God even though I still had the relationship (co-heir with Jesus). A point of significance here: Jesus, and later Paul referred to us as the sons of God.....we are the adopted sons and daughters of the Most High! As such, once we are adopted, we have that relationship. Children, no matter what they do, are never un-adopted. They may be displeasing to their parents, but they are still sons and daughters. This is significant if you've wandered away from God. He still loves you and lives within you. As the Bible says, however, for the child of God who has had the Holy Spirit birthed within them, there is a stirring within you that only God can fill. You have a new nature and you can choose to "walk in the flesh" or to "walk in the spirit." If you choose the former, as I did for a long period of time, you will suffer and you will be miserable due to the new birth of God within you. The only way to fill whole again is to turn back to God, seek forgiveness, and restoration. This is a process, not some instantaneous encounter (although in rare instances it could be because with God all things are possible). Back to my story. Michelle and I talked at work for a couple of weeks at various times during lunch and I found myself dropping by her office frequently. Toward the end of the week, I remember her asking me if she could pray for me. She anointed my head with oil in her office and prayed for me. She told me that God had a purpose for me and that this purpose was not complete. I will say here that I have never encountered someone who prays quite like my wife. She truly has the spiritual gift of prayer. I was blessed with a praying mother my whole life, but having someone from my generation praying for me like my (now wife) does is something else. Michelle had been divorced since 2006 and had tried on several occasions to heal her marriage, even after the divorce. Like my first marriage, it was a long-term relationship of over 20 years. Like my first marriage, she was married to a man with a good heart but there were problems that ultimately led to the disintegration of the relationship.  She had begun praying that God would provide someone who was seeking Him to come into her life. After a while, on one of those frequent visits to her office, I asked her to go out to supper (Dinner in Miami) with me. She replied, "Maybe sometime." I was somewhat disappointed. I remember going back to my office thinking, "I thought she liked me." She called my office later that day and said that the Holy Spirit spoke to her while she was praying and told her that she was not to turn down my invitation. So, we agreed to have Supper the following Monday after work. (to be continued)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - The Grace of God

I learned many things from my decisions in life. I would like to share one of them with you now. I want to say here that I am thankful for the Grace of God. Even when we don't seek Him, he still loves us and desires for us to seek and know Him. The Grace of God is a wonderful thing. Grace is undeserving or unmerited favor. The Grace of God is so far reaching that it is sometimes offensive to us. We so often live in a world of  wanting people "to get what they deserve." When we see some behaviors that we do not like or that are offensive to us, if we are not careful, we will say or think, "I hope that person gets what they deserve."  Friends, I am thankful that God did not give me what I deserve. If he had, I probably would not be alive and I certainly would have no chance of ever being able to be in His presence. But thanks be to God, I don't get what I deserve. I get what He offers and I receive. He offers complete and total restoration and forgiveness. Don't get offended. He offers that to you as well. All you have to do is receive it. But to receive something, you have to at least want it. To want forgiveness, you have to need it. That's because we so often want to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think. Much of the Bible is written warning us to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. There is even a parable which states that those who come in for their wages (of the day) but started much later receive the same wages as those who came in at the beginning of the day and worked longer hours. Doesn't seem fair? That's Grace. Only seems fair if you need it. We all need it. Jesus even warned those who thought they didn't need it to think again. Living in the world and squandering our wealth (as the prodigal son parable so aptly describes) has one beneficial factor if a person comes home again. It fosters an appreciation for Grace. There is a story in the gospels (Luke 7:37-50 for reference) that talks about a woman who had many sins who poured precious perfume and wiped the feet of Jesus with it. The Pharisees (religious people) were offended that this "sinner" was touching Jesus. (offended by grace). They were much more offended when He forgave her of her sins (v48) (offended by grace). He used this time as a teaching lesson for his disciples. He said that anyone who is forgiven little loves little. Anyone who has been forgiven much, loves much. Anyone who KNOWS they need THE GRACE OF GOD will love Jesus MORE. Grace is the attribute of God that offers forgiveness. I remember going to Bible conferences where Pastors and Evangelists would get up in front of the crowd and when they introduced each other, they would say things like, "He has always served the Lord with dignity.....He went to his marriage bed a virgin when so many were living in sin.......He has never wavered from his calling." Yes, I heard all of these things. That's great but you still need grace. It's one thing to say you need it, it's quite another to KNOW you need it. Am I advocating sin? No way. But I am saying that realizing you are truly a sinner who needs grace is a wonderful thing. If we allow Him, God has a way of turning our mistakes (sins) into triumphs. Let me explain with one example: I can praise God with much more clarity and freedom NOW than I could many years ago as a Pastor. Because I am experiencing the True Grace of God, I am thankful for His Greatness and His Wonderful Grace! I've preached on grace many times as a Pastor before I "wandered far away from God" (as the old gospel hymn states) but I know what it truly is more now. Do you want to know who I believe understood the Grace of God more than anyone who has ever lived? The thief on the cross. Talk about coming in late in the day! He received the full days wages just like all the other workers who had worked the entire day! (to borrow from the parable of the workers). That thief doesn't have his fleshly body anymore to hold him back, but if he did, I imagine that his worship in heaven would be more intense and greater than anyone there. He would truly have been praising God for His Grace! Only now he gets to praise Him without the human frailties and limitations.




Father, thank you for your marvelous and matchless Grace!!!

Musings of a Prodigal Son - My Story - Continued

I spent a couple of years as a substance abuse counselor within the inpatient facility. An opportunity arose with the agency where I worked. The community mental health system had expanded its programs to the point where a Corporate Compliance/Quality Assurance Manager was needed for the system. Due to my time as pastor and my hobby of learning various computer programs since the early 90s, I applied for the position. Several senior people in the agency also applied. Thanks be to God, I was chosen for that position, I believe from hind sight God allowed me to be chosen so I could spend a brief time with a very wise man (our executive director at the time).  I say wise because he was a Godly man but also an humble man. He made wise decisions and I got to see first-hand how he did it. He also showed grace to me during some very difficult times. I had worked with several people within the agency that he respected and they recommended me. I will never forget our lengthy discussions and his advice to me. I began the new position with the wonderful task of being able to hire all my staff!!!! I didn’t “inherit” anyone and could mold the department to function as I saw fit. He (the executive director) set guidelines for me but let me choose the methodology for carrying out the mission of the department. It was an exciting time for my life professionally. God blessed by allowing me to hire several very wise people who did excellent work. They really made me look better than I was. I am proud to say that they are all still my friends today. We still keep in touch, not as often as we once did, but still infrequently. Part of my responsibilities on this job was overseeing how all the programs within the system could function more optimally. It was also part of my responsibilities to manage medical records (of which there were many!!!!). We began a process of moving from paper files to electronic medical records (remember it was the early 2000s by this time). I also helped investigate allegations made by patients with other patients and staff. I learned much about people during this time and met many wise people. All the while, my personal life was taking a very different turn. There is something I want to stress here from my own mistakes. When a Christian (especially a pastor or Christian worker who has influence on others) takes his/her eyes off God and starts making decisions based on other things, life starts taking a destructive turn. It is amazing to me that God was training me professionally to do many skills that I would need and will continue to need in the future (positive), while at the same time I was making personal decisions that would affect my lives and the lives of others in ways that still reverberate today (negative). Remember as I have stated earlier, Sin always has its consequences. Don’t forget also that Satan is very strategic. If someone makes personal choices to go down the wrong path and they have influence on others, he (Satan) will take advantage of that opportunity to do as much damage as possible to the Kingdom of God. That means destroying reputations and lives and magnifying the consequences as much as possible to get maximum effect. I in no way am saying, “the devil made me do it.” He did not. On the contrary, he is just an opportunist. He takes advantage of our choices to rebel against God. Remember Job (which is considered by most to be the oldest book in the Bible). Satan didn’t make him do anything. Even in the midst of life’s pressures, Job made the statement, “Though he slay me, yet will I praise Him (God).” We make choices and Satan strategically chooses where he can do the most damage. It makes logical sense that he would attack Christian leaders as they have great moral and spiritual influence on others. I remember when I made a decision to divorce my wife. People that I had pastored called me in tears begging me to reconsider. My choice was also affecting them. They had looked at me as a model of trusting God. I had often spoken to them on the characteristics of a strong marriage and the importance of family to God. Now I was making choices that ultimately led to the destruction of my family. It affected many. I had failed them. This brings me to a very important point. Men, we have the responsibility to pray and seek God for the well-being of our family. Often the disintegration of the family unit begins with men in the home. God ordained that we have spiritual authority over our families. We are “point-men” who determine to a large extent what destructive forces make it into our homes. Thank God that when men have not taken this responsibility seriously, women (wives) have stepped up to stand in the gap. What am I referring to? I am talking about prayer, spending time with God, and listening to what he says to us (which includes reading the Bible—one way He speaks to us). On the basis of these things when necessary, taking stands to not allow certain things into the home that erode family values and family strength.

I took my eyes off God. I divorced my wife at a crucial time in my daughter’s life. The next 11 years of my life were lived out of the Will of God. Those are 11 years that I will never be able to retrieve. I made decisions that will continue to have consequences. I married again a short time after my divorce from my first wife. I left the agency where I worked in order to begin time as an independent contract counselor in Georgia. We moved to Peach Tree City (near Atlanta). I traveled all over the state weekly providing counseling in people’s homes as a contractor for the Department of Family and Children’s Services. The money was very good but the hours were very long. I often joke that I have had a counseling session in homes as late as 9pm. I traveled often, coming home on the weekends. I know what Motel 6 means when they say, “We’ll leave the light on for you.” My daughter was born in Newnan, Georgia in December 2003. She is such a blessing. We then subsequently moved to the Columbus Georgia area. I began working for the VA in May 2004. When I first began at the VA, I was hired as an addictions counselor. After approximately two years, I began working as a Vocational Counselor, helping disabled veterans find jobs. In 2007, I accepted a job at the VA in West Palm Beach, Florida and moved there with my two youngest daughters. Their mother, my second wife, was to move there when she obtained employment there. I lived in Jupiter, Florida and worked at the VA in West Palm Beach for close to a year when something unexpected occurred. My Dad, with whom I have always been close, became seriously ill and passed away. This was in September 2008. My second wife was not able to find employment in the West Palm Beach area up until that point so I began making plans to move back to Alabama to be with my mother who was having a difficult time initially adjusting following my father’s death. I lived in the West Palm Beach area for a total of 14 months. I accepted a job back to the Central Alabama VA. I desired to take my two youngest daughters with me to Alabama, but their mother wanted them with her in Georgia (at that time she had accepted a job in Jessup Georgia—near Savannah). I worked at the Central Alabama VA during the week and traveled there (to Georgia) to be with my daughters and wife on the weekend. My second wife’s goal was to live in south Florida near the beach. This made sense because she is from Brazil and this made it easier to visit her family (flights daily from Miami). Therefore, she kept applying there until she obtained a position and I moved them there (although my job was still in Alabama) on January 1, 2011. I remember driving to Miami from Tallassee, Alabama almost every weekend for six months. It was quite a drive and I read many audio books during that drive. I was able to transfer to the VA Hospital in Miami in June 2011. I worked there as a Vocational Counselor for the next several months. A position to manage all the  Vocational Rehab programs at the Miami VA became open and I applied and obtained that job. God blessed in that. I worked there the next three years and we obtained all the certifications/accreditations as a department. We hired more counselors and the department grew. Soon after I moved to Miami, my second marriage ended. It had been “rocky” for a long time (many years-almost from the beginning). That’s what happens when two people who have totally different philosophies of life and are not going the same direction get married. Priorities and beliefs are so vastly different that there is no unity. Had we both been seeking God on the front end of that marriage, the marriage would have never occurred. This brings up another point. Sometimes when we are out of the will of God, we get out of things we should have committed to and sometimes when we are out of God’s Will we get into things we never should have been involved with from the start. I think my second wife would agree that we both learned much from this relationship. It was not without its lessons. I learned much from her and I hope that she can say the same for me. But it was not God’s Will. That is the key. I will not go into too much detail here due to the sensitivity of others who also lived through this time. Two of my life’s greatest blessings came out of these years, my two youngest daughters whom I love very much. It is amazing that even in the midst of our time out of the Will of God sometimes come some of our greatest blessings. God is amazing. He takes the mistakes we make and makes blessings from them. There are the consequences of our Sin but there are also often those blessings that God paints into our lives like the master artisan that He is. He loves us very much. He is after all our Father. Keep in mind as you read these things that I am only addressing me and the mistakes I made. I could have sought God at any time during these years. I would pray at times. Living for Him would have been difficult during that time but not impossible. I do want to make a point here that should caution us all. The further we move away from our primary purposes in this life, the further we move from our true selves, the more difficult it is to be true to God and to ourselves. It is very difficult to get back on the “The Road Less Traveled” (to borrow the words of writer Scott Peck). The journey back takes time as we align ourselves to the Will of God, go through the process of forgiveness (both the forgiveness of God and the forgiving of ourselves). Let me say here that everyone’s circumstance is different. I can only speak with conviction about my own journey (to be continued).  

Musings of a Prodigal Son - My Story Continued

When I left the church, I resigned without employment at the time. I remember being so “burned out” that it was such a relief to be out from under the pressure of ministry. It didn’t occur to me that it might be difficult finding employment after I resigned. I had a Master’s Degree in Psychology/Counseling and I began applying at all the local mental health agencies. I had been in the ministry for almost a decade at that point so all of my counseling experience was as a pastor. This would be invaluable later. I remember going to a local mental health system and dropping off my resume at the front office with the secretary. This was approximately one week after resigning from the church. The next day I received a call from the director of one of the outpatient programs there. God is so good. Even when we are down, he still provides for us. Here I was about to spiral down a rabbit hole moving away from God and He was already planning a training program to equipment me for future service to Him. I remember that the director of the outpatient program, who later became a good friend, called me on the phone and asked me to come in for an interview. She told me years later that she still does not know how my resume got on her desk but she stated that there is was. She stated that she looked at it and said, “I’m going to hire this guy.” (she had never seen me, didn’t know anything about me, but from hind sight, I know this was God). She stated that she did second guess herself when she called me and I used a “double-negative” on the phone prior to the interview. I’ve used quite a few of those in my life.  The interview was set that week and I was hired to be an outpatient substance abuse counselor. I worked during the day but came in later twice per week and worked the evenings on those days in order to lead groups at night for participants that worked during the day. It was a huge learning experience for me. You see, often times when someone is a pastor, they often see people “on their best behavior.” This experience let me see people often at their worst. I worked there approximately 6 months and when the Director transferred to the inpatient facility that was also in the system, she asked me to come there and be an inpatient counselor at that facility. I stayed there for several years. I really enjoyed that work experience. I have often said I probably had more fun there than at any place I have ever worked. We worked hard providing group counseling and individual counseling for 8 hours per day and sometimes more as needs arose but we all had a good work chemistry. We were all very different in our approaches and experiences. I learned much from all of the people I worked with there. In fact some of them may be reading this blog now because we stayed in touch and many of us became friends. I also met many good people who were in bondage to alcohol and/or other drugs. I saw many success stories and many disappointments. It is amazing to me how God can be teaching us on the one hand while we are going in a different direction than he often intends for us. You will notice that I have said that God was working in my experiences to teach me things that would help me to help others in the future. However, my home life was continuing to disintegrate. My wife and I were continuing to be more distant from each other, much of which was my fault at this point because I was no longer trying to be close to her. I had completely disconnected emotionally at this point. I do want to say here, and I know many of you know the two of us, that she is truly a good person. Again, many of the things that pulled us apart were not of her own making, they were the result of my decisions. I began to spend less and less time with her even when I was home in the evenings. She was downstairs most of the time and I was upstairs in the “study.” She would ask me to come down and spend time with her but I was always “busy” with something. Let me stress this to any Pastors/Christian workers that may be reading this: the relationship with me and my wife ended WHILE I WAS A PASTOR. We were still “married” but emotional, physical, and spiritual distance happened during my time as a pastor. As mentioned in an earlier section, that is where I erred. I listened less and less to my wife, not taking into consideration her feelings, and did not make decisions on what was best for our family (myself, my wife, and my daughter). Here are some common mistakes that many Pastors make: When problems begin to develop between a pastor and his wife, Godly counsel should be sought quickly and if a hiatus from the ministry is warranted, it is ok to take a step back and work together and pray until a common shared vision begins to emerge. Often times, Pastors are not willing to do this. They “press on” in what they have convinced themselves is the will of God oblivious to the fact that their family is falling apart around them. Often times, the Church does not see the disintegration of a pastor’s family due to the “work of the ministry.” This is a mistake I made. I chose not to notice that our family was falling apart. When I began to admit to myself that we were in trouble as a couple, I feared that our marriage would end and so would MY ministry. Notice that I said MY and not OUR. That is often the case when the marriage of a pastor is in real trouble. Protecting MY ministry becomes more important than protecting MY family. Please hear me Pastors and Christian Workers!!!! After our relationship with God, He intends OUR family to be OUR priority and then OUR ministry to follow out of that. If the “OUR” is missing from any of these things it will not work!!!!!!! I remember distinctly that any time my wife truly tried to talk with me about any concerns she had, if I disagreed, I would say, “I am doing it this way because it is God’s Will.” I never will forget her reply in anger one day, “How am I supposed to compete with God!!!!!!” (from hind sight, it was not “God’s Will” but me using God to justify my viewpoint). Keep in mind that the things I was doing were often very good things but they were not the BEST things. Allow me to admonish for a moment: Make your family your priority. Out of your family the Will of God will flow!!!!!!