Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration Begins

I moved my family (ex-wife and two youngest daughters) to Miami for my then wife to begin her new job there on January 1, 2011. I commuted back and forth from Alabama almost every weekend to see my daughters. My youngest cried every time I had to leave to come back to Alabama to work during the week. On Friday at lunch (my supervisor allowed me to work a compressed schedule at the Central Alabama VA), I would make my way once again to Miami. I would leave on Sunday morning, to return to Alabama for work on Monday and begin the process all over again. This went on for six months. I moved to Miami, Florida in June 2011. The divorce occurred from my second wife after I moved to Miami. At the time it occurred, I didn't know what to do. Financially, we could not afford to live apart so we lived in the same house with our two daughters for approximately four months after we officially separated. When financially able, I moved into an apartment in the city of Pinecrest, just south of Miami. I was really not doing well at the time. I did have my daughters every other week (we had joint custody) but when they were not with me, I really struggled to know what my purpose was. I was a small town man in a large city--alone. I felt that I had exhausted my worth to God and that I would live out the rest of my life just trying to "get by." Let me explain.  I remembered studying Erickson's stages of development in college. One of those stages is "generativity vs. stagnation". I really felt that I was stagnating. I felt that my usefulness was gone and that my purpose in life had passed me by due to decisions that I had made. Thanks be to God, I was wrong. I have heard many times that when things seem the darkest, God is about to do something wonderful. A point here for anyone who may be in this place. The Bible says that when we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we become the children of God. I do not believe that this designation is given by accident. How many of you, though your children make mistakes, stop loving them? How much more does God, who is perfect in His Love, love His children? The answer is more than we could ever imagine. How many of us would see our children hurting and not do something to help ease that hurt? Some of you reading this might say, "Bad things happen to God's Children all the time and sometimes he does not intervene." How do you know? God does not measure intervention in terms of this world only. Sometimes he calls his children home because he loves them, sometimes he allows them opportunities to make a turn because he has a plan and purpose for them HERE in this world before they go home. Friends, we all GO HOME if we know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. It's just a matter of when. It is true that sometimes the suffering of others gives people an opportunity to draw close to God. Remember, we cannot fathom his ways because they are "higher" (and take a greater level of understanding than we are able to grasp in this realm). My point is that God loves His Children. Even when he does not seem to love them, He does. He is always waiting for you to come HOME. We sometimes fail to see that because our vision so often is confined to this time and space and it takes faith to see beyond this realm. But remember, that realm is timeless. Sometimes, the closest that we get to HOME in this present world is to be victorious in our quest to walk in the Spirit. If you are still here, God has a plan and purpose for you. If that were not true when you came to Christ, you would have gone to heaven to be with Him immediately. The Epistles of Paul are full of references that state that we are not our own, we belong to God. "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me....You were bought with a price...we are hence forth paraded in the triumph of Christ." If we are here, there is some purpose for our lives to bring glory to God. Paul said that whether he lived or died he would serve Christ until the end. My point to you is that sometimes God delivers us in this present world when we are not seeking Him. The purpose is for our lives to fulfill the purpose for which we were individually created. When that purpose is fulfilled, God will take us HOME. Back to my story. I remember sitting in a Walgreens parking lot in Pinecrest, Florida (there seems to be one on every corner in Miami). I was alone and just didn't know what to do. There were so many parts of myself that I had "put to sleep" during the previous 11 years of my life.  My truest passion I had put to sleep which is my gift of pastoring. Let me say that I was afforded many opportunities during that 11 year period to exercise the spiritual gift of pastoring. I've prayed for many people, including staff within the VA during that time but I was not "plugged" into my gifts in the service of others as my primary purpose. I was just slowly moving along with occasional glimpses of that part of myself. I remember sitting in that parking lot and calling a great friend, Jimmy Adamson, who I had spoken too infrequently during the past 11 years. This time though, I called with a specific purpose. I asked him to pray for me. I asked him to pray specifically that God would put me with people down in Miami who could help me get out of the deep abyss (horrible pit) in which I found myself. We talked and he prayed for me on the phone.  Nothing seemed to happen. In fact, things temporarily seemed to be getting worse (but God was working even though I didn't see it at the time). I was feeling more alone with great responsibility because I could see the way that the divorce between my ex-wife and I was affecting my girls (two youngest daughters). There was also a struggle going on that I am not at liberty to discuss due to the sensitivity of these issues upon others. But I can say that this was a very intense, stressful part of my life. I just didn't know what to do and God allowed me to have some time to think about my life and the direction it had gone. It was also a crossroads to determine the direction of my life in the future. I would like to say that all of my motives during this time were honorable but they were not. Often when I reflect even on this time, I see that often my motives were selfish and dominated by my own needs and wants. But I was searching for God again....I've heard preachers make the statement that everyone is searching for God in one way or another but I can tell you that this is just not true. During those 11 years from approximately 2000-2011, I was not consistently yearning to be close to God nor was I searching for Him. God is soveriegn (He presides over everything) and His grace "covers a multitude of sin." My period of being alone lasted for approximately one year. In October 2012, a friend of mine at work said that there was someone, who also worked for the VA, that she would like for me to meet. She said that this person had a good heart and had been through her own "tough times." She worked in a different area on a different floor of the VA hospital in Miami. When my friend called me at work one day (while I was in a meeting), she asked if I could come to a particular office within the VA once my meeting was complete because she wanted me to meet a friend of hers. So I went to the office she designated after my meeting. This friend of mine introduced me to the most wonderful woman anyone could possibly meet (of course I did not know that at the time). The thing that struck me about this first encounter was the first question she asked me after we were introduced. I, of course, am talking about my wonderful wife Michelle. At our first meeting, she stated that my friend had told her that I once was a pastor and she asked, "Where do you worship now?" What is significant about this is I had not been asked this for over 10 years. I was not worshipping God. I wasn't even attending any church. These two things are different by the way. I had "lost" that part of my identity. It was still inside me but I had lost my identity as a son of God even though I still had the relationship (co-heir with Jesus). A point of significance here: Jesus, and later Paul referred to us as the sons of God.....we are the adopted sons and daughters of the Most High! As such, once we are adopted, we have that relationship. Children, no matter what they do, are never un-adopted. They may be displeasing to their parents, but they are still sons and daughters. This is significant if you've wandered away from God. He still loves you and lives within you. As the Bible says, however, for the child of God who has had the Holy Spirit birthed within them, there is a stirring within you that only God can fill. You have a new nature and you can choose to "walk in the flesh" or to "walk in the spirit." If you choose the former, as I did for a long period of time, you will suffer and you will be miserable due to the new birth of God within you. The only way to fill whole again is to turn back to God, seek forgiveness, and restoration. This is a process, not some instantaneous encounter (although in rare instances it could be because with God all things are possible). Back to my story. Michelle and I talked at work for a couple of weeks at various times during lunch and I found myself dropping by her office frequently. Toward the end of the week, I remember her asking me if she could pray for me. She anointed my head with oil in her office and prayed for me. She told me that God had a purpose for me and that this purpose was not complete. I will say here that I have never encountered someone who prays quite like my wife. She truly has the spiritual gift of prayer. I was blessed with a praying mother my whole life, but having someone from my generation praying for me like my (now wife) does is something else. Michelle had been divorced since 2006 and had tried on several occasions to heal her marriage, even after the divorce. Like my first marriage, it was a long-term relationship of over 20 years. Like my first marriage, she was married to a man with a good heart but there were problems that ultimately led to the disintegration of the relationship.  She had begun praying that God would provide someone who was seeking Him to come into her life. After a while, on one of those frequent visits to her office, I asked her to go out to supper (Dinner in Miami) with me. She replied, "Maybe sometime." I was somewhat disappointed. I remember going back to my office thinking, "I thought she liked me." She called my office later that day and said that the Holy Spirit spoke to her while she was praying and told her that she was not to turn down my invitation. So, we agreed to have Supper the following Monday after work. (to be continued)