Musings of a Prodigal Son: Creating Divisions and Helping Them Heal

 I am waxing nostalgic today. I have been doing that a lot lately. I am reminded of Erickson’s Stages of Development and the one that has to do with either integrity vs. despair. I am in the middle of a life examination and a sorting of events. I am categorizing those memories of things I wish I had done differently as well as those things that I really want to hold on to. Life is very complicated. Sometimes it would be great if we could live it in reverse. Then there may not be as many things that we would have done differently. Or maybe we would have done them anyway. 

 

I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life. Some of it was intentional. Most of it was unintentional but those hurts always came from a place of selfishness. Putting myself before others. Many of the messages that have come from my life that have helped others, have usually come from a place of my experience. Often in the Bible, God gave men a message to proclaim. Others, he gave a message for them to “live.” Often times, these messages were the results of mistakes they made and pain they experienced. Take Jonah for instance, his disobedience and attitude toward repentance are his message. Hosea, the Old Testament Minor Prophet, was tasked with the lessons learned from a relationship with an unfaithful spouse, Gomer, who was the illustration for God’s Love for Sinful Man. In my life, many of the lessons have come as I have lived and often made the wrong choice. As I am reflecting, often there is an urgency to get the message out that is often the summary of a mistake I’ve made or someone I have hurt.

 

Today is no different. I remember when I left the Church in Alabama where I once served. I have mentioned in other blogs and in conversations with others that I began to push the people there toward the end of my time in the church instead of leading them. I always loved them but my agenda began to override my love for them. As the agenda moved to the forefront, my love retreated. I was blinded by my own “vision”. God reminds us in scripture that everything must be done in Love. Even Truth must be proclaimed in Love. If not, it can hurt more than it helps. God is Love. If Love is not first, God is not first. I have seen many of the things that I wanted for them come to fruition in the world in other places since that time. However, I was not able to lead them due to my agenda of wanting right things for wrong reasons. It is significant that some of the same cautions that they exhibited during that time, I have exhibited since then. I was put in their place. I was put in a place to be pushed instead of being led. It didn’t feel good. I know it didn’t feel good for them. 

 

I’ve dreamed about the church there so much in the last six months. There have been different scenes that have played through my mind as if I was still there even though it was over 20 years ago. The dreams have been vivid. They are always marked by a sense of regret and sadness for things I wish I would have done and things I wish I had not done.

 

This morning early as I was sitting out by the fire before my work day began, I was thinking about one of the instances that happened there. As I was getting ready to leave the church as tension was beginning to mount because of really hard preaching I was doing. I’ll call it “scrotched earth” preaching. I was relentless. I would like to say that every bit of that preaching was done out of love but much of it was done out of frustration in my own life. Some even commented that I was “whipping them to the ground” everytime they came to church. I wish I would have listened to them. There was truth in what they were saying. The things I was preaching were true but the spirit in which they were delivered was not Love. It was frustration. They tried to get me to step back and change my approach. In my stubbornness I refused. I continued until I became so frustrated that I resigned. From hind sight, I know that I was setting it up to be that way. I wasn’t conscious of it at the time but that is the truth of it. No one could refute it because what I was saying was truth. But it was not delivered in Love. The reason it was allowed, I believe, is because I spent so many years prior speaking to them out of Love. Often ignorance, but always love. I left there was some seeds of bitterness planted. I so wish I could say that I had no part in sowing them. I did.

 

I remember an instance on my last Sunday there when a young Godly Lady, who I loved very much, came into my office in tears begging me to provide words of healing to the congregation on my last Sunday there. Of note here is a very important point. When people are pushed by a Pastor and not led by Him/Her, it always creates a division. That division begins to widen as the hurt deepens. Love would remedy that. However, when the division occurs, love tends to be pushed further back as both “sides” begin to polarize. In the case I am mentioning, several key church members had refused to continue to minister in that church if I (the Pastor) was leaving. This young lady was pleading with me to ask them to come back. I refused. I let “the chips fall where they may.” It was a mistake. I should have been a healing force instead of a division encourager. Of note here is a few key things for all of us to remember. 1)People are always more important than Agendas. This is true even if the agenda is good. 2)Hurt is always a sign that something is wrong. When people show genuine hurt over decisions we make, we should take a look at those decisions. 3) Divisions create walls between people that sometimes never come down. 4)We are not free from responsibility for divisions just because we do nothing. When divisons occur in the Body of Christ and we could have done something to help to prevent it or to heal it and we refuse to do it, we are responsible and guilty of causing division. The example I think about it Pilate washing his hands before the crowd and saying he was clean in regard to Jesus’ Blood. After all, his logic was that he didn’t bring these charges against Jesus, the Pharisees did. He had the power to stop it, but he did not. That is the key.

 

Please forgive me if I have caused division in your life or in your church.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Leaving Footprints on the Road of Life

Leaving Footprints on the Road of Life

(Jesus) who will also confirm you to the end, that you may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 1:8)

This message does not have a conclusion. It is open ended because I don’t know the answer.

God has a way of getting our attention. Those of us who have children realize that part of our responsibility to our children is helping them learn the lessons that help them be successful in this life and hopefully in the one to come. God as our Father, in a perfect way, as our Spiritual Father, also helps us learn the lessons that will help us in the life and the one to come.

As I was attending a regular Bible Study/Prayer time in someone’s home last night that Michelle and I are regularly part of, something came up last night that is timely and necessary. Most of you know that at one point in my life, I served a church as a Pastor. My life’s calling and purpose is to pastor people wherever I am. I wish I could say that I have always been steadfast in that purpose. I have not. I think it is necessary to mention a caveat here. Gifts of the Spirit, which are given to us by God when the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in us at salvation, are different from talents as they are unmerited and not given to us for our own edification but rather for the edification and building up of others. They are not “earned” wages for doing good. They are grace imparted for helping others in their journey to be close to God. As such, they are operational when we “walk in the Spirit” not in the flesh. When we walk in the flesh, we quench these gifts much like pouring water on a burgeoning fire. Back to my point regarding my life. I have spent time in my life “quenching” the fire. However, the born again inner man that is very much the life of me longs for completion in being able to manifest my gifts to others. I have a pastoral gift. If you are born again, you too have some gift/gifts. They are what truly give you purpose in this life.

I have been married three times. I Love My Wife completely and I am thankful to say that we have a good marriage that is founded on the Love and Grace of God. However, my track record (footprints on the road of life), is marked by personal failures. Before you want to jump in a rescue me, I know that Jesus has forgiven me and it is by his grace that we are made right with God. However, I have felt limited on my purpose due mainly in part to my own “track record” of personal failures. I have hurt others. I have asked all of those whom God has placed on my heart for forgiveness but the fruit of my actions remain. I cannot undo the past.

Last night, the subject came up about purpose and meaning of life. I can say that I never feel as alive as I did when I was preaching and teaching. My gift allows me to see the needs of people with a desire to help them. I haven’t preached or taught in a church, save one time, since 1999. I miss it. Alot. Will I ever be able to do it again? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the opportunity again. I just know that I miss it. It was brought up in the meeting we attended that I regularly “pastor” people as I live at work, people I encounter, etc. I know this is true but I miss it.

As we move one day closer to the conclusion of our life here on this earth, I long to be closer to God and fulfill my purpose. I just don’t know how to get there. I know my destination but I want to be pleased with my journey.

Musings of a Prodigal Son: Jesus - The Beginng and the End

Jesus…..the Beginning and the End

Romans 10: 1-4 Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. 2 For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God,  but not according to knowledge. 3 For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.

Jesus….there is something about that name. When you bring up the name of Jesus, it tends to bring controversy. When one says, “God help us,” it may bring some disagreement, but it is usually a generic enough proclamation that no one seems to protest it. Ah, but say, “Jesus help us” or “Trust Jesus to Save You” and the controversy and resistance begin. Why? It is because Jesus is a specific way to God. Namely He is the ONLY way to God. When we specify Him, we make it personal. Generic belief in something higher than ourselves goes from being an abstract to a reality that is fixed on one person. The Bible even alludes to the fact that no one confesses that Jesus is the Christ unless He is first enlightened by God to do so. 

So much of the letter to the Romans is about the contrast between trying to “do good” (or live up to the standards of the Jewish Law) and believing in a Person, Jesus, as the means of salvation. Paul is constantly contrasting the absurdity of trying to obey the rules and being right with God alongside of an acceptance that this is not the way. He illustrates by using examples from the Law to show that no one can ever measure up to its standard. 

People today usually fall into three groups: 1) Those who sincerely want to measure up but are constantly faced with the reality that they do not. Those people may be religious but are constantly frustrated with the futility of trying to “do right” but having their fallen nature confront them at every turn. They don’t experience Joy because they are constantly on the edge of Hell hoping that some unconfessed sin doesn’t trust them over the precipice into the abyss and separation from God for all eternity. 2)Then are those who just don’t stand on or for anything. They are often happier than the first group mentioned above because at least for a time, they don’t have the struggle other than to make it through the pressures of this life with its fragile existence in the hopes that there may be something beyond. 3)The final group are those who have faced the abyss of hell, know that it is impossible to measure up, and look for another way. A better way to describe this may be that another way looks for them. Jesus, the Author and Finisher of Our Faith, reaches down and reveals himself to a person through the power of the Holy Spirit. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Him. He is the first….the beginning of salvation. He is where it all begins to be right with God. He is also the Last….he will be what makes an individual right with God when they take their last breath….when they reach the end of their strength……when their good intentions have left them empty….He will fill them up……God will say, “Well done they good and faithful servant….enter thy rest…..and it will have been JESUS all along.

Musings of a Prodigal Son: Things You Think About in Your 50s

Good Morning. As we begin the new year and new decade, many of us have taken the time to think back over the past years of our lives. As we age, different things become important to us. Not only age is a factor but also life circumstances which may include: illness, death of someone close to us, or shift in our way of life due to loss of a job or loss of the ability to do some of the things we once did.
As I was contemplating, I thought of things that we seem to realize in our 50s:

1)Disappointment is a part of life. This is a big one. Disappointment comes in different forms. There are those disappointments that result from expecting something from someone else only to find that the expectation was not met. There is also the disappointment we feel in ourselves for things that we wanted to accomplish but did not. Maybe our life is not where we thought it would be. Or maybe, we haven't fulfilled what we believe to be our primary purpose in life. Most of us at one time or another have studied the "stages" of Development that make up our psyche. Erik Erickson coined the stages of development and described this time as a time of Generativity Vs. Stagnation. It is the time in life where most of us have a desire to leave a legacy. As we progress through this time, we either feel that we are accomplishing this or that our life has no lasting meaning once we are gone from this present world. Our children learning from us and remembering us becomes increasingly important. We long to pass something of value on to someone else (not temporal but eternal). We discover, to varying degrees, that we are not where we expected to be 20 years ago. Our impact has been diminished by life experiences. Graduaally, hopefully, we move into acceptance of our faults and see ourselves as God sees us, (human beings that he created to fellowship with him not only in this realm but the one to come. He didn't come to save perfect people but imperfect ones, of which we all are).

2)What we "Do" Becomes Less Important. The first part of our lives in comsumed by the desire to "do" something. Our identify is often tied to what we "do." Our jobs and careers define us. Whether we are a CEO, a Factory Worker, A Physician, A Nurse, An Electrician, etc. (you name it), we feel much of our identify is tied to what we do. When we meet someone, often the first question that comes to mind after introductions is, "What do you do?" We define so much by what we do. Remember when we were small children and our focus was on being instead of doing. We didn't have an identity of "doing" but were simply all "students" or "kids". Life was a day to day occurance. As we moved into adulthood our focus shifted. We started spending more time with others who understand what we "do." It is important to note that the Bible has always taught us to never focus on what we "do", but rather who we "are." In this life stage, we are getting back to that. We are starting to focus more on what we "are" instead of what we "do"/ Isn't it amazing that the Bible is often silent about what people do. We know that Paul had a skill as a tentmaker but no time is mentioned discussing this. Relationships are the key. So it is with this time in our lives, we are moving back into the life phase where relationships are of primary importance. It is noteworthy to me that I miss many of my childhood friends more than I ever have in my life. Some have even gone to be with the Lord. Others live far away. Those relationships, which took a back seat for a time in my life, have once again emerged as of primary importance.

3)Life is Becoming A Shorter Event. Remember in our teens when we thought we would live forever. Remember a time when death was only thought about at funerals or when we had a "close call." I know there are exceptions to this as many people face life-threatenind illnesses at a young age but for most of us, we see ourselves as "bulletproof." In our 50s, we begin to experience many things that remind us that we are "wearing out." Our bodies begin to ache. The odometer of our life begins to read "tuneup needed".Many of our children are grown and it begins to dawn on us that "we are next in line" to leave this world. Many of us have parents that have passed away and we feel that we are "next in the cue." The years begin to shorten. Those of our generation begin to pass away. Life is looking more fragile.

4)Eternal Things Become Much More Important. The old hymns we used to sing become much more relevant and important. Being able to see life as a continuation and not an end becomes of primary importance. The fragile nature of life and it's short duration are more of a reality than they were even 10 years ago. If people havent' already accepted Christ and asked for forgiveness of their sins, if the desire to do so is there, it becomes increasingly important to respond. This is often the time when through the grace of God, people who have not trusted him "give up" trying to do things themselves and turn to him for forgiveness and restoration. Trust becomes a necessity and not a luxury.

5)Opinions of Others and Faking Become Unimportant.  Our reputation is so important for most of us in our young lives. At this time however, we realize that our reputation is not the important thing in life. Rather, our "realness" is. We are becoming increasingly less concerned about what people think and more concerned about what God thinks. If God holds the key to eternity (and he does), what he knows about us is far more important than what people think. If we know Christ, God thinks we are wonderful. He sees HIs Son. If we don't know Christ, no matter how good our reputation is, we are not pleasing to God. Jesus and knowing Him begins to "feel" like the most important thing in life. He always has been but it begins to "feel" that way.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11