Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. (Galatians 6:1 New Living Translation)
Before any of you jump in and rescue me, I want to say that I am aware that Jesus forgives me of my sins. He is not surprised by them. I accept his forgiveness and have worked over the years on forgiving myself for my short-comings and my failures in my Christian Life. Particularly, the overt and blatant ones of which I am reminded daily by seeing the consequences of those sins in the lives of others as well as myself. But on the basis of these things I would like to mention something that has been on my mind today.
I had some sobering thoughts this morning while I was driving between hospitals to see patients. I was in that no-man's land between disappointment and regret. I was thinking about disappointing someone in my past who was like a spiritual son to me. I remember it well from approximately 15 years ago. I remember that I had made a decision to divorce my first wife and this individual phoned me in tears and pleaded with me to think about what I was doing. Not out of judgement, but out of genuine concern and pain. There is a difference. This individual confronted me in the proper way mentioned in the scripture about seeing a brother in error and confronting him out of love. He was in pain because of my decision. It was not an "I would never do something like that" kind of confrontation. It was the same kind of pain that you often see in a mother's eyes when she sees her children making a decision that will cause them pain. When you can confront like that, it leaves a lasting seed for the good. At that time, I was on a path that would lead me further away from God and this person was hurting because of it. I believe the pain was for two reasons. They could see where my decisions were leading me and they were disappointed that someone they saw as strong in their faith could make a decision to turn from God. This is not disdain, it is disappointment. Many people are "disdained" by the sins of others. In my life, I have also experienced many other people who confronted to judge. That's the life of the Pharisee. Looking down on others. I remember a specific example of this when I used to attend Pastor's conferences. Sometimes there would be a pastor who "back-slid" and some of the other pastors who were on the podium would make certain remarks when introducing one of their contemporaries, "Pastor Jim (name inserted by me) has ALWAYS been true to his calling. He has never wavered (implying that there was one missing who had wavered)." You could feel the judgment in some of their remarks for the ones who were not ALWAYS true to their calling.
I remember the incident above where my friend confronted me because it makes me want to be a better man now. I remember the pain in my dear brother's voice as he talked with me. Good seed does not lay dormant forever. It will eventually sprout into a life giving plant. My dear brothers' seed from all those years ago has in the past several years began germinating within me. Although our relationship has been strained and we have not spoken or seen each other since that time, I still respect him greatly for loving me enough to hurt for me. At the time, I gave no credence to his concern. I was focused on my way, not God's way. But.....if you are not hurting for me, don't confront me.
I spent a great deal of time with this person. We rode bicycles together once a week from the town I lived in to a neighboring town, we played video games together, we talked at length together. He "knew" me. He cared about me. That is what made him hurt for me when I sinned. I am convinced that is one of the main problems with the church today. We don't know each other. We don't spend enough "real" time together getting to know the "real" person. We see the "Sunday" person but not the "Monday-Friday" person. We don't talk about the real struggles.
That is the primary reason (my opinion) that many churches based on "cell groups" (individual groups of hurting people meeting in homes at various times each week and worshipping together on Sunday Morning) are some of the fastest growing if not the only growing churches in America. There is accountability and love when you struggle together. Bonds form, pain is shared. Confrontation can only come out of love. Love only develops when you get to know real people in real pain. We need confrontation but we need it to come out of love.
If you don't love someone, don't confront them. A willingness to confront is no sign that you love someone. Don't use what God says as an excuse to tell someone they have done wrong and feel good about yourself because you have confronted them. That is not scriptural or helpful. Rather, it is very harmful. A lot of people enjoy pointing out the mistakes of others. That is not love, it is judgement. It pushes people further away from you and from God. It reminds them of how far they are from God but provides them with no means to come back to him. It's like being told that you should be in the mountains of East Tennessee but reminded that you are in the middle of the desert with no transportation. Silence and being left alone is better than that.
When Jesus confronted the "woman at the well" for her adultery, I believe he did it with sadness and love in his eyes at HER PAIN and the PAIN THAT HER CONTINUED INVOLVEMENT IN HER SIN WOULD CAUSE HER.
I need to feel the empty sinking feeling of my sin and its impact on others as well as myself. It doesn't mean I live defeated, it just means I am reminded of the pain that my sin has caused. Jacob had his limp. From time to time, I am reminded that I have mine.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Musings of a Prodigal Son - God Gave Them Over
Judges 2:10 After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. 11 Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. 12 They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger 13 because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths. 14 In his anger against Israel the Lord gave them into the hands of raiders who plundered them. He sold them into the hands of their enemies all around, whom they were no longer able to resist. 15 Whenever Israel went out to fight, the hand of the Lord was against them to defeat them, just as he had sworn to them. They were in great distress.
Romans 1:18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
Today I want to address a subject that is not very popular in this day and age. It is the issue of judgment. Not our judgment. God's Judgment. I often write about the Grace of God. Grace is a marvelous thing. It holds us in the Palm of God's hand even when we turn from Him. There is another element though that cannot be ignored. Even though Jesus died for our sins, our sins still have consequences in our lives and the lives of others. I mentioned previously that it is not my business to be concerned with the specifics of anyone else's sin but to be concerned about my own and to live for Christ and love other people by being willing to share the whole truth in Love and let God deal with the sin.
There is a reason that God tells us that certain behaviors are sinful and the omission of certain behaviors are also sinful. All of us sin individually and corporately as a people. Sin is sin not because God made some arbitrary list of things that he does and does not want us to do. Sin is sin because ultimately it causes pain and separation from God. It also causes pain and separation from the God who lives within those of us who have trusted Jesus as our Savior. The consequences flow out from our lives and affect not only ourselves but those around us. Sometimes that pain and separation causes confusion, sometimes it causes sickness, sometimes it causes heartache and depression. If you name something that is bad, Sin in one form or another caused it. It is a true statement to say that there are many people who are suffering due to the sins of others. We suffer for our own sins. Ultimately, we were all separated from God by the Sin of the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. Sin is a corporate condition that we are born into. We also commit and omit things that result in personal sin in our lives. When we do, we create pain and distance between our loving God and ourselves. As a nation, when we distance ourselves from our God, we are creating pain that has and will result in consequences.
Remember, the nation of Israel is a microcosm (if you will) of the conflict in every man. When the nation (corporately) turned to God, they experienced blessing, when they turned from God, they experienced the fruits of the curse that was instituted by Satan in the Garden of Eden.
In the New Testament, when Paul is talking about the Christian life after the coming of the Holy Spirit, he talks about it being a battle and even discusses the implements of battle in the book of Ephesians (see "whole Armor of God"). Once the nation of Israel came out of the land of Egypt by the "deliverance" of God from bondage and death (Egyptian captivity), Moses led them to the promised land (to salvation) BUT it was still their responsibility to CLAIM, INHABIT, AND POSSESS the land (territory that had already been conquered). Don't forget, if you know Christ, you already have ultimate victory over sin. The land has already been conquered. But....we still have to possess it and HOLD ON TO IT. That doesn't mean that if we do not possess the land, that ULTIMATE victory is lost. ULTIMATE Victory is not lost. Jesus Christ gained the ULTIMATE VICTORY FOREVER BUT....It is difficult to live in a land that someone else possesses.
Friends, we are currently living in a land that someone else possesses. We have NEVER run all of the foreign invaders out but in times past have possessed more of the land than we do now. We have allowed our families, our cities, and ultimately our country to be overrun by foreign invaders. I'm not talking about nationalities. I'm talking about spiritual invaders. They haven't invaded all at once but have trickled in so as to be unnoticed and their presence is becoming more and more apparent.
If you are reading this blog, before you start thinking I am a "conspiracy theorist", take a look around you. You can see it if you compare certain things. Listen to the speeches of politicians (even the bad ones) from three decades ago. The bad politicians even sound good by today's standards. Listen to the sermons of some of the old preachers on YouTube. Listen to some of the old news cast from several decades ago and compare. We like to look at ourselves as "advancing" as a people but look at our condition. Of course we know more now than any generation before us. I would remind you that the Israelites knew much more by having various peoples living among them but it did not help their spiritual condition. I do want to make it clear that this has nothing to do with race or nationality. What I am speaking about is spiritual. Access to information has only succeeded in confusing us more. Our moral compass is broken. Having no common "compass" has now become our compass and we are no better for it. In many ways, there seems to be more violence now and more division now than there ever has been in our country. Knocking down the walls of racism has only seemed to build new stronger "strongholds" in their places. There are new walls, constructed by the invaders in places that there were no walls before. Becoming more tolerant of everything and everyone has made us less tolerant of each other. We have lost territory that once we held (spiritually). When God "sells us into the hands of our enemies" we look to each other in desperation to solve the problems. When we can't, we look to our government (which by the way is made up of the people) to solve the problems, when that doesn't work, we blame each other. When that doesn't work and collapse begins, when those things begin to collapse that we have always known, then and only then are we distressed enough to turn to God, if then. When things are like this, there is ONLY ONE OPTION:
"IF.....my people, which are called by MY NAME (the name of JESUS), will humble themselves, pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways (repent of sins both corporate and individual), then will I hear from heaven, will forgive their sin (corporately and individually) and heal (restore to victory and their possession) their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)
Romans 1:18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
Today I want to address a subject that is not very popular in this day and age. It is the issue of judgment. Not our judgment. God's Judgment. I often write about the Grace of God. Grace is a marvelous thing. It holds us in the Palm of God's hand even when we turn from Him. There is another element though that cannot be ignored. Even though Jesus died for our sins, our sins still have consequences in our lives and the lives of others. I mentioned previously that it is not my business to be concerned with the specifics of anyone else's sin but to be concerned about my own and to live for Christ and love other people by being willing to share the whole truth in Love and let God deal with the sin.
There is a reason that God tells us that certain behaviors are sinful and the omission of certain behaviors are also sinful. All of us sin individually and corporately as a people. Sin is sin not because God made some arbitrary list of things that he does and does not want us to do. Sin is sin because ultimately it causes pain and separation from God. It also causes pain and separation from the God who lives within those of us who have trusted Jesus as our Savior. The consequences flow out from our lives and affect not only ourselves but those around us. Sometimes that pain and separation causes confusion, sometimes it causes sickness, sometimes it causes heartache and depression. If you name something that is bad, Sin in one form or another caused it. It is a true statement to say that there are many people who are suffering due to the sins of others. We suffer for our own sins. Ultimately, we were all separated from God by the Sin of the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. Sin is a corporate condition that we are born into. We also commit and omit things that result in personal sin in our lives. When we do, we create pain and distance between our loving God and ourselves. As a nation, when we distance ourselves from our God, we are creating pain that has and will result in consequences.
Remember, the nation of Israel is a microcosm (if you will) of the conflict in every man. When the nation (corporately) turned to God, they experienced blessing, when they turned from God, they experienced the fruits of the curse that was instituted by Satan in the Garden of Eden.
In the New Testament, when Paul is talking about the Christian life after the coming of the Holy Spirit, he talks about it being a battle and even discusses the implements of battle in the book of Ephesians (see "whole Armor of God"). Once the nation of Israel came out of the land of Egypt by the "deliverance" of God from bondage and death (Egyptian captivity), Moses led them to the promised land (to salvation) BUT it was still their responsibility to CLAIM, INHABIT, AND POSSESS the land (territory that had already been conquered). Don't forget, if you know Christ, you already have ultimate victory over sin. The land has already been conquered. But....we still have to possess it and HOLD ON TO IT. That doesn't mean that if we do not possess the land, that ULTIMATE victory is lost. ULTIMATE Victory is not lost. Jesus Christ gained the ULTIMATE VICTORY FOREVER BUT....It is difficult to live in a land that someone else possesses.
Friends, we are currently living in a land that someone else possesses. We have NEVER run all of the foreign invaders out but in times past have possessed more of the land than we do now. We have allowed our families, our cities, and ultimately our country to be overrun by foreign invaders. I'm not talking about nationalities. I'm talking about spiritual invaders. They haven't invaded all at once but have trickled in so as to be unnoticed and their presence is becoming more and more apparent.
If you are reading this blog, before you start thinking I am a "conspiracy theorist", take a look around you. You can see it if you compare certain things. Listen to the speeches of politicians (even the bad ones) from three decades ago. The bad politicians even sound good by today's standards. Listen to the sermons of some of the old preachers on YouTube. Listen to some of the old news cast from several decades ago and compare. We like to look at ourselves as "advancing" as a people but look at our condition. Of course we know more now than any generation before us. I would remind you that the Israelites knew much more by having various peoples living among them but it did not help their spiritual condition. I do want to make it clear that this has nothing to do with race or nationality. What I am speaking about is spiritual. Access to information has only succeeded in confusing us more. Our moral compass is broken. Having no common "compass" has now become our compass and we are no better for it. In many ways, there seems to be more violence now and more division now than there ever has been in our country. Knocking down the walls of racism has only seemed to build new stronger "strongholds" in their places. There are new walls, constructed by the invaders in places that there were no walls before. Becoming more tolerant of everything and everyone has made us less tolerant of each other. We have lost territory that once we held (spiritually). When God "sells us into the hands of our enemies" we look to each other in desperation to solve the problems. When we can't, we look to our government (which by the way is made up of the people) to solve the problems, when that doesn't work, we blame each other. When that doesn't work and collapse begins, when those things begin to collapse that we have always known, then and only then are we distressed enough to turn to God, if then. When things are like this, there is ONLY ONE OPTION:
"IF.....my people, which are called by MY NAME (the name of JESUS), will humble themselves, pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways (repent of sins both corporate and individual), then will I hear from heaven, will forgive their sin (corporately and individually) and heal (restore to victory and their possession) their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)
Monday, October 17, 2016
Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration (Part 3 from much earlier post)
As I began to move back toward my primary purpose in life, my love for Michelle grew more and more each day. It was an adjustment as I became acclimated to a life of peace. When you live in chaos, it eventually becomes the "normal" for you. There is comfort in the normal. You know what to expect even if it is just the awareness to expect the unexpected. To live at peace after living in turmoil for an extended period of time takes some getting used to. Adjustments must be made.
It is ironic that Michelle and I are still getting used to living in peace. There is still sometimes the expectation of turmoil. This was due to our previous relationships being out of the will of God. He allowed us to make choices that brought with them consequences. The consequences kept our lives during that period in much turmoil. Now,with each passing day, as peace becomes the "normal", a collective sigh seems to emanate from our home. We've been together for almost 4 years now, which some of you would consider the "infancy" of a long-term relationship. Fostering a relationship that we both want to be in is our goal. I want to come home everyday to her, I want to spend vacations with her, I want to share happy moments and moments of difficulty with her. I know many people who stay in relationships long-term because they are just hanging on to make it last. Many couples are not happy but are just hanging on because they think there is some merit in just "staying together." This is no more God's will than divorcing is God's will. If people are going to stay together, they should be working on making their relationship better. The marriage relationship is supposed to be a union of two people that mirrors the relationship that Christ has with the Church. Some couples are only together because they are afraid of anything different. I've learned in my life that I do not want that type of relationship and I am convinced that God does not want that type of relationship for us. We are not the bride of Christ because we've been together so long that he doesn't want to risk being without us because he is afraid. He wants a bride who looks forward to spending time with him, wants to go places with Him, wants intimacy with Him. SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE WITH HIM.
It is amazing how God takes the mistakes that we choose to make and turns them to our good (he still gives us a choice). Michelle (my wife) is a blessing that I could not receive until I was ready to receive her. Had we met at a time many years ago, our differences would have posed difficulties that would have prevented us from being together. I do not mean to say that we do not have our difficulties, we do. What I am saying is that she is the grace blessing I was given after I rebelled against God (grace is unmerited and undeserved). Did I deserve her? No. But God is a God who chooses to operate in our lives with mercy and grace.
I still struggle from day to day on the plan and purpose of God in my life. I wish I could say that I do what God wants me to do each day. I do not. I wish I could say I approach each day as God wants me to. I do not. One thing I have learned from the mistakes of my past is that often when we really want to do "good" things, we have to be careful not to make them "the will of God." Often good things can "mask" themselves as God's direction for our lives because they are "good" in our eyes. Many times in my life I have spent time doing "good" things that were not the will of God. I would be amiss if I didn't mention here that I often have done "bad" things as well (some knowingly and some by omission). The point I am making here though is that often we see something "good" and assume it is from God only to find out that the good was not his will. He was looking at our "Best" while we were focused on the "good."
It is at this point that I would like to mention something that Michelle and I have discussed many times. My first marriage was a part of the true Will of God for my life. I was married to a good woman and we weathered many storms together. She stood by me in some dark times (when I was struggling with God's will for my life) and she was a great "Pastor's Wife". From hind sight, I thrust that life upon her without her input or consent. We were married in 1987, had our daughter Emily, two cats, and she had a job with friends. Over a short period of time, I told her that God had called me into the ministry and we were moving to Florida for me to attend Bible College. There was really no discussion about it, I just determined that it was God's Will and expected everyone around me to "fall in line." I know from hindsight that she resented me for that and she had a right to. We moved to Graceville, FL. on January 1, 1991. I began attending Bible College and as Youth Pastor of Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in January 1991. Circumstances, mentioned earlier in another blog, propelled me to be the pastor of that church within 6 months. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. My wife went from being uprooted from a stable job, support system, and friends to being a pastors wife in a town far enough away that she had to develop a whole new support system and adjust to the rigors of being a pastor's wife. All the while, I am so busy with "the will of God" that I forgot that my family was a real part of the true "Will of God". Let me say here that the people in that church, many of whom will be reading this blog, were the greatest of people. I could not have asked for a more understanding, loving, and sincere group of people to pastor. But like any group of people, life brought with it many struggles, including deaths, crisis, and important events that vied for my attention as Pastor. My greatest mission field should have been at home. It was not. While I was busy doing good things, God's Blessing of a wonderful family was slipping through my hands. With emotional distance developing at home, with fatigue setting in from what I call "spiritual burnout", I found myself empty inside. I started "pushing" instead of "leading" the church. I started resenting my wife whom I blamed at the time for her emotional distance. I became discontent and left "the ministry" and started working as a counselor for a local mental health system. I had obtained a Master's Degree during my time as a pastor in the counseling field and began working as a substance abuse counselor. It is at this point that I began spending less and less time in "Godly Counsel" and started getting advice from many sources. Much of this advice was not bad by the worlds standards but it was not Godly Counsel. I advanced very quickly in that mental health system and became a part of their leadership team. It was during this time that God provided me with "Grace" options by putting me under one of the wisest men I have ever worked for. He was the Executive Director of the Company for which I worked and he tried to give me Godly advice. I wish I had heeded his advice. I did not. I divorced my wife, who wanted to work on our marriage, and began a path that would lead in a direction that would generate much pain in my life and the lives of others. (to be continued)
It is ironic that Michelle and I are still getting used to living in peace. There is still sometimes the expectation of turmoil. This was due to our previous relationships being out of the will of God. He allowed us to make choices that brought with them consequences. The consequences kept our lives during that period in much turmoil. Now,with each passing day, as peace becomes the "normal", a collective sigh seems to emanate from our home. We've been together for almost 4 years now, which some of you would consider the "infancy" of a long-term relationship. Fostering a relationship that we both want to be in is our goal. I want to come home everyday to her, I want to spend vacations with her, I want to share happy moments and moments of difficulty with her. I know many people who stay in relationships long-term because they are just hanging on to make it last. Many couples are not happy but are just hanging on because they think there is some merit in just "staying together." This is no more God's will than divorcing is God's will. If people are going to stay together, they should be working on making their relationship better. The marriage relationship is supposed to be a union of two people that mirrors the relationship that Christ has with the Church. Some couples are only together because they are afraid of anything different. I've learned in my life that I do not want that type of relationship and I am convinced that God does not want that type of relationship for us. We are not the bride of Christ because we've been together so long that he doesn't want to risk being without us because he is afraid. He wants a bride who looks forward to spending time with him, wants to go places with Him, wants intimacy with Him. SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE WITH HIM.
It is amazing how God takes the mistakes that we choose to make and turns them to our good (he still gives us a choice). Michelle (my wife) is a blessing that I could not receive until I was ready to receive her. Had we met at a time many years ago, our differences would have posed difficulties that would have prevented us from being together. I do not mean to say that we do not have our difficulties, we do. What I am saying is that she is the grace blessing I was given after I rebelled against God (grace is unmerited and undeserved). Did I deserve her? No. But God is a God who chooses to operate in our lives with mercy and grace.
I still struggle from day to day on the plan and purpose of God in my life. I wish I could say that I do what God wants me to do each day. I do not. I wish I could say I approach each day as God wants me to. I do not. One thing I have learned from the mistakes of my past is that often when we really want to do "good" things, we have to be careful not to make them "the will of God." Often good things can "mask" themselves as God's direction for our lives because they are "good" in our eyes. Many times in my life I have spent time doing "good" things that were not the will of God. I would be amiss if I didn't mention here that I often have done "bad" things as well (some knowingly and some by omission). The point I am making here though is that often we see something "good" and assume it is from God only to find out that the good was not his will. He was looking at our "Best" while we were focused on the "good."
It is at this point that I would like to mention something that Michelle and I have discussed many times. My first marriage was a part of the true Will of God for my life. I was married to a good woman and we weathered many storms together. She stood by me in some dark times (when I was struggling with God's will for my life) and she was a great "Pastor's Wife". From hind sight, I thrust that life upon her without her input or consent. We were married in 1987, had our daughter Emily, two cats, and she had a job with friends. Over a short period of time, I told her that God had called me into the ministry and we were moving to Florida for me to attend Bible College. There was really no discussion about it, I just determined that it was God's Will and expected everyone around me to "fall in line." I know from hindsight that she resented me for that and she had a right to. We moved to Graceville, FL. on January 1, 1991. I began attending Bible College and as Youth Pastor of Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in January 1991. Circumstances, mentioned earlier in another blog, propelled me to be the pastor of that church within 6 months. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. My wife went from being uprooted from a stable job, support system, and friends to being a pastors wife in a town far enough away that she had to develop a whole new support system and adjust to the rigors of being a pastor's wife. All the while, I am so busy with "the will of God" that I forgot that my family was a real part of the true "Will of God". Let me say here that the people in that church, many of whom will be reading this blog, were the greatest of people. I could not have asked for a more understanding, loving, and sincere group of people to pastor. But like any group of people, life brought with it many struggles, including deaths, crisis, and important events that vied for my attention as Pastor. My greatest mission field should have been at home. It was not. While I was busy doing good things, God's Blessing of a wonderful family was slipping through my hands. With emotional distance developing at home, with fatigue setting in from what I call "spiritual burnout", I found myself empty inside. I started "pushing" instead of "leading" the church. I started resenting my wife whom I blamed at the time for her emotional distance. I became discontent and left "the ministry" and started working as a counselor for a local mental health system. I had obtained a Master's Degree during my time as a pastor in the counseling field and began working as a substance abuse counselor. It is at this point that I began spending less and less time in "Godly Counsel" and started getting advice from many sources. Much of this advice was not bad by the worlds standards but it was not Godly Counsel. I advanced very quickly in that mental health system and became a part of their leadership team. It was during this time that God provided me with "Grace" options by putting me under one of the wisest men I have ever worked for. He was the Executive Director of the Company for which I worked and he tried to give me Godly advice. I wish I had heeded his advice. I did not. I divorced my wife, who wanted to work on our marriage, and began a path that would lead in a direction that would generate much pain in my life and the lives of others. (to be continued)
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