Musings of a Prodigal Son - Let's Get Real

"Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes ' or 'No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil. (Matthew 5:36-37-NIV)

This passage is from the "Sermon on the Mount". It was during a time of teaching great truths that Jesus uttered these words to his disciples and followers. In a discussion of "oaths" or promises, Jesus warned against speaking oaths or making idle promises. Much has been made of idle words but not much is often spoken about the deeper meaning behind Jesus' words. We are warned in this passage of scripture not to make oaths. An oath is a binding promise. Jesus was basically saying, "Let your word be true and honest." I had the discussion with a co-worker today about the lack of truth between what people present and who they really are, even in the work place. It seems that we often have different "personas" in different circumstances. There is the "work" self, the "father" self, the "mother" self, the "home" self, and the "church" self. These are just some examples but most people have some variation of one or the other of these. Sometimes it is a subtle change and is not intended to be deceptive, it is just a way we "adapt" to the environment that we are in. Let me illustrate by an example. When someone says in the workplace, "That's a shitty situation." Everyone usually goes about their business without a second thought. But.....if you make that same statement in church.....most have a reaction as if they have never heard it before. (Many of those with a "I can't believe he would say something like that in church" look on their face might have even said something similar themselves earlier in the week, but you'd never know it by their reaction. What's the difference? Jesus spent much time talking about the fact that THOSE WHO KNOW HIM ARE THE CHURCH, wherever they are. Why the difference in our personas when we are "at Church" or around certain people? Many people who don't verbalize it have those same inconsistencies in their minds but are reluctant to share what they are really thinking with others. Most of us have some inconsistencies in the way we relate to others and even to ourselves in different circumstances. I remember on one occasion when I was a pastor, another pastor who I respect very much looked at me one day while we were laughing about something and said, "Well damn, Rodney." I was stunned. I couldn't believe my friend, the pastor, had said such a thing! He was just being congruent with who he is. In other words, he is not perfect (BUT HIS SAVIOR IS). The imperfections in our own character are often what points to our need of the Savior. Those imperfections and the confession that Jesus forgives us and is our righteousness is also what draws many people to Christ. They, too, need him. Jesus was saying, [my interpretation] "Be real. Be who you are and ask me to help with the inconsistencies. Don't hide them.  Let your yes be yes, even to you. Don't sanction something with my name that you may be wrong about [you don't have the authority] but be real. If you had it all together on your own, I would not have had to die for you. I love you anyway and will forgive you for what you do that is wrong if you'll just confess those things that I reveal to you. Be real. You're not going to be perfect this side of eternity. Don't project it yourself and don't expect it of others."

Let me share something with you that I can speak about because I have been in the position of Pastor and I have also spent a great deal of time in "the private sector" as an employee. God wants us to be honest and congruent. Even if our congruency is not always correct, it is helpful. Why? Because often the world is more congruent than the Church. At least they are consistent in their inconsistency. I remember a youth years ago when I was a youth pastor who was "unchurched", unlike many of the kids who were in the group. He cussed. Alot. I remember cringing when we were playing volleyball and he would say, "F**k." The point is, the young man was being congruent with who he was (he hadn't had time yet to learn to "hide" all the non-acceptable things[to learn to hide these things is not good].. Am I condoning Christians using "dirty words?" No. Jesus is still my Savior if I say, "F**K" a thousand times a day, however. I am just stating that none of us can change what we are NOT honest about. We don't just become "perfect" in this present world when we ask Jesus to save us. Sanctification is a process. It is significant to me that we are to be the light of world, which means we should spend a good bit of our time "shining" in the world (among those who don't know Christ-with our albeit imperfect light).  The only way I know what is wrong for me  is by  the Holy Spirit convicting me of what I am doing that is wrong. Even when I "know", I will still be imperfect in my relationships with others.  If we as Christians are successful in "hiding" our sins at church but allowing them to be seen in other contexts, that makes it difficult for the new believer to hear the Holy Spirit bringing conviction, because after all, other Christians are doing things that the Holy Spirit is convicting them is wrong. Hence we often see what I will refer to as "Behavioral Christianity" (sort of the same concept of Pavlov and His dog) for those of you who took introductory psychology in college. It would probably be beneficial if my brother who is searching for the TRUTH knows that I am convicted about a certain behavior and am trying to stop it because the Lord convicted me of it. It is not beneficial for me to say, "F**K" at work and then not say it on Sunday morning when I go to church. It confuses the seeker. That communicates that I am practicing "Behavioral Christianity [like the Pharisees].". Often people refer to people within the church as hypocrites due to non-congruence in the way church people behave in different circumstances, in dishonest communications, or a dishonest attitude. We shouldn't "put on" our best behavior when we meet as the Church of Jesus Christ. We should never be a Chameleon. Rather, we should be honest with one another and with ourselves, even crudely, so that we can change what needs to be changed and support one another in the changes that need to be made. In other words, if we are not careful, we are so busy trying to make ourselves look good to others that we miss the opportunity to be honest and congruent (as transparent as possible) so that others who need to know Christ can see that they are not alone in their need for a Savior. I have had people I work with tell me the following: (because now I ask), "The church is the most difficult place for me to be honest." Why is this true? This is the total opposite of the way that God wants it to be. Where did we miss it?

Over a century ago, Charles Shelton penned a book entitled, "In His Steps." It is now a Christian Classic and has been re-written by his son in contemporary language so that this generation can benefit from its great message. A homeless, destitute man came into the main "First [substitute your denomination here]Church of a city and walked to the front of the church and confronted the congregation about their ignorance of his plight although he had interacted with many of them previously. He [the destitute man] was honest. He subsequently died and the book's main plot outlines the effect of his death on various members of that congregation. The famous statement, "What would Jesus Do?" comes from this book. I mention this in the context of the things that I have written about above to drive home a point about our concept of  Church. Are we so busy supporting the reputation and projecting the image that we think we are supposed to be projecting that we lose sight of the words of Jesus? Let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no.  Honesty and congruence, even when it doesn't put us in the best light and makes things look "messy," changes things. Seek to be honest and congruent with yourself and others. This is often the difference between religion and spirituality. Spirituality is about relationship, honesty, and congruence. Religion is about form, projection, and distance between the individual and God. Religion reminds us of our distance from God and attempts in futility to reach Him. Spirituality reminds all of us how close HE really is. Honesty and congruence of character are spiritual. Think about the impact of times when you have been in church and someone you respect as a Christian gets honest about something they have been convicted of by the Holy Spirit that they are STRUGGLING to overcome. It is rare but when it happens it causes many people to examine themselves in light of their Savior and it also gives freedom to those who may not know HIM to also examine themselves. When we present ourselves as we really are, we magnify HIM [Jesus].......After all, isn't that our true purpose?

JUST AS I AM without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me, and that thou bid me come to thee, Oh Lamb of God I come, I come.......

Are you coming everyday AS YOU ARE?

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Living in the Present, Looking to the Future, Overcoming the Past

I haven't posted in awhile (a little over a month) but I want to write briefly today on a subject that has recently been on my heart. As many of you know, I have been going through what I will call a "restoration" period. I am not seeking to "lead" people at this point in my life, I am merely seeking to listen to My Father as He helps me to "be still and know that I am God." I have written much about my past in previous blogs and will continue to do so as I feel the Holy Spirit leading me to do so. I want to reflect on some recent revelations that are impacting my life and by sharing may be of some use to you. It goes without saying that all of us have a past, present, and a future (which has yet to be revealed but that exists in this realm or the one to come). The object of life it seems is to make the most of our PRESENT. It is the only thing that we have the power to truly live in. Our past is our past. We can go through the process of regret, serious contemplation about the decisions we have made, but we cannot change any of it. All that we can do is "make peace" with it by listening to God, accepting his forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves. We can also learn from our mistakes and help others who may be struggling with some of the same issues that we have struggled with in our past. Many people also live with worries about the future. How am I going to make it? What can I do about this upcoming problem? Where can I go to have peace? These are all questions that result from trying to "live" in the future. A point needs to be made here, living in the present does not excuse us from planning for the future but once we have prepared everything within our power to face the future, we must trust it to God. We cannot plan for every eventuality or circumstance. Jesus said, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they {fret or worry-my paraphrase} yet your heavenly father clothes them with great beauty. How much more will he meet your needs?" This scripture is often quoted in one translation or another to address the issue of worry and fretfulness. As a substance abuse counselor in one of my former careers, I heard someone who struggled with addiction once say [forgive the language here but it is so correct], "If I keep one foot in yesterday (the past), and one foot in tomorrow (the future), then I'll end up pissing all over today (the present)." This is so accurate. The present is where God does His work in us. It is where changes are made that affect our future and the future of others who we touch with our lives.


I have recently been reading Chuck Swindoll's book on the life of Moses. (his "great lives of the Bible" series is great if you haven't read any of those books). I love the fact that much of the old testament is devoted to the lives of great men and women of faith as well as those who aligned themselves as the enemies of God. Moses was one of those great men of faith but we are allowed to see his flaws. Why? Because we all have them. Chuck Swindoll said in his book, "Moses spent the first 40 years of his life thinking he was somebody, the second 40 years of his life thinking he was a nobody, and the third 40 years of his life learning what God can do with a nobody." I don't know about you but that encourages me. I am a little over 40....a little (laugh). Not that most of us will live to be 120 years old like Moses, but he was 80 years old when God gave him the "burning bush experience" and even then he was reluctant to surrender to one of the greatest missions in the history of the world. But....God (in his great Love) helped him get to the place of greatness.....The only thing required of Moses was obedience. We are called to obey God in the present......the rest is His business. Sounds simple doesn't it? Why don't we do it? What has God called you to do? Are you obedient to Him daily? Have you told Him you want to be obedient? Have you asked Him to speak to you because you want to know what He wants you to do? You may not see the "whole" picture of the future but God promises to let you know what to do NEXT. Has he already told you and you didn't like it or thought it was too difficult? Did you rationalize with your mind that it doesn't make sense to you? Are you willing to do the NEXT thing so that the thing after can be revealed? Join me in asking God to reveal to you what to do NOW. Remember, simple decisions made NOW have far reaching consequences on the yet to be revealed future.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration (continued)

It is significant to me that it was the Holy Spirit that she was attracted to and not me. She was going out with me because she was seeking to be obedient to Him not because I was irresistible (lol). I was a little nervous leading up to our date. I dropped by her office at the end of the work day on Monday. We were to leave from the VA to our date in downtown Miami. I had made reservations at a nice Italian place on the Bay. We arrived there at approximately 5pm. The restaurant was very nice and our table overlooked the Bay. This was no McDonalds. Waiters with manicured hands who all looked the same served our evening meal. We began talking. The time got away from us and we realized at about 10pm that we had talked (and eaten) for over 5 hours. We talked about our lives what led us to where we are and had a genuinely open discussion about many different issues. It is significant to me that while we talked, we even saw dolphins jumping in the bay. It was a truly romantic setting. At around 10pm, she discovered the time and we both began the drive to her home. My thinking was that we had such a good time I felt very confident that we could do it again so I asked on the way if she would like to go out again. She replied, "We'll see." What? We were engrossed in conversation for 5 hours and I get a "we'll see" at the request of another date. I really did not know what to think. I've heard of playing hard to get but this was really strange. After I took her home, she leaned over kissed me ON MY FOREHEAD and said, "I had a really good time." She then proceded to jump out of the car and went into her house. This all happened so quickly, I didn't have time to say anything. So...I drove home wondering if I had said something or done something that scared her away. Tuesday morning I arrived to work as on other days and didn't hear from her that morning. At lunch, I went by her office and our conversation was as if we had not been on a date the previous evening. As the week was drawing to a conclusion, I asked her if she would like to go out on Friday. She replied that she would. So we went out again. I really enjoyed our conversations and her company. As time went on we went out more and more but I could tell that she kept me at a distance for awhile. After each date, I got the proverbial "peck" on the forehead. I didn't know it at the time but it would be months before she would even really kiss me. We talked at length about everything. Our past mistakes, the things we missed, the things we struggled with, etc...Early on, as we began dating, I attended church with her regularly. During this time, we became involved with a mid-week prayer group from the church that was very good. We were ministered to by others and we also ministered to others. Even during this time, God's plan of restoration was taking place. The church, were Michelle had been going prior to our knowing each other was one of the largest Hispanic churches in the US (if not the largest). There were thousands there on Sunday morning services with one service being in English and the others in Spanish. As Michelle and I continued to date, I realized that I loved her company. Not only was my Love growing for her but she was also my friend. I found that even though we came from totally different places, with totally different backgrounds, we had the same primary goals. We both love God and want to serve Him at our core. I had gotten away from this simple life focus for so many years but God was ministering to me through this wonderful lady who was helping me to "reconnect" with my Father. I was beginning the journey Home. God is so faithful and loving. Not only was he ministering through others to help me come home, he was preparing a wonderful person to share the journey with me. I DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS. I HAD MADE THE WRONG CHOICES. My favorite verse has always been Romans 8:28 "For all things work together for good for those who love God to them who are called according to the purpose." (This was embroidered on a blanket and given to me by the church that I once served on my 5th year anniversary as their pastor---I still have and treasure it). The restoration of my life by God is a testament to his greatness and the truth of this verse. As we dated over the next year, I found myself loving her more every day. She was also very good to my two youngest daughters and she cared for them a lot. She also asked about my oldest daughter very often (though she was an adult now, living in Alabama, with children of her own). We prayed for my three girls and her son often. Of course we also prayed and continue to pray that our grandchildren will be mighty people of God. We have continued to pray that our grandchildren will burn with a desire to know Jesus more and more each day. Parents, this is of vital importance. Many of us are here today because of praying mothers, fathers, and/or grandparents. Don't forget this important truth as we progress through this narrative. Prayer does change things and is not limited to the life time of the person praying. Back to my story, as Michelle and I continued to date, with love growing inside us for each other, we began to discuss the subject of marriage. We had both previously been in long-term marriages that had failed. I had been in two marriages and had failed for different reasons. I did not want to "fail" again. There is the impact on any children involved (my three daughters had suffered greatly as had Michelle's son), often regardless of age but especially young children that have not reached independent status. There is also the impact of starting over and feeling alone to handle life's pressures. It takes time to build trust, establish identities within relationships, and to deal with the insecurities that inevitably transfer from one relationship into another due to unmet needs. For any of you that have been through a divorce, the impact on all involved is staggering. There is no way to convey all the far reaching consequences of a life choice where two people, who's lives are connected in so many ways, make a choice to "disconnect" and live separate lives. The pain caused, often in unexpected places, is mind-boggling. This is why God says that divorce is not good and even in circumstances where God "allowed" it, He said it was due to "the hardness of our hearts." Sin is labeled as Sin due to the pain it causes God and others. This in no way diminishes the forgiveness that comes to those who experience divorce if they seek forgiveness. I am just stressing this so that those of us who have experienced it can appeal to others who haven't experienced the pain that divorce brings the importance of making the right choices, doing the right things, in the beginning of a relationship in order to minimize the possibility of this pain inducing sin from occurring. Otherwise, though God forgives, there are always consequences and pain as a result. Those of you who have been through divorce know exactly what I am stressing here. Those of you whose parents divorced and who have felt the sting of divorce know what I am referring to as well. Remember, the Bible says that we should walk "circumspectly" (looking around) for the days are evil." I am truly convinced that Satan's greatest assaults are against the family which, if successful, can destroy the church.  I do want to stress something important, however. I do not believe that God wants a person to stay in an abusive relationship just to "stay married." Abuse is wrong and there are many cases where divorce was the only option for someone who was abused or their children were abused. That is different. What I will stress, however, is that we should be very careful who we get involved with in the beginning. The only way to prevent getting involved with a "counterfeit" person is to spend time getting to know what is authentically good. If you want a person who is going to be good to you, spend enough time WITH GOD to be able to recognize the good. It is significant to me that is the way authorities train their personnel to recognize counterfeit money. They expose them to large quantities of the real thing. If you spend enough time with what is good, you will be able to recognize what is counterfeit (bad). (to be continued)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Restoration Begins

I moved my family (ex-wife and two youngest daughters) to Miami for my then wife to begin her new job there on January 1, 2011. I commuted back and forth from Alabama almost every weekend to see my daughters. My youngest cried every time I had to leave to come back to Alabama to work during the week. On Friday at lunch (my supervisor allowed me to work a compressed schedule at the Central Alabama VA), I would make my way once again to Miami. I would leave on Sunday morning, to return to Alabama for work on Monday and begin the process all over again. This went on for six months. I moved to Miami, Florida in June 2011. The divorce occurred from my second wife after I moved to Miami. At the time it occurred, I didn't know what to do. Financially, we could not afford to live apart so we lived in the same house with our two daughters for approximately four months after we officially separated. When financially able, I moved into an apartment in the city of Pinecrest, just south of Miami. I was really not doing well at the time. I did have my daughters every other week (we had joint custody) but when they were not with me, I really struggled to know what my purpose was. I was a small town man in a large city--alone. I felt that I had exhausted my worth to God and that I would live out the rest of my life just trying to "get by." Let me explain.  I remembered studying Erickson's stages of development in college. One of those stages is "generativity vs. stagnation". I really felt that I was stagnating. I felt that my usefulness was gone and that my purpose in life had passed me by due to decisions that I had made. Thanks be to God, I was wrong. I have heard many times that when things seem the darkest, God is about to do something wonderful. A point here for anyone who may be in this place. The Bible says that when we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we become the children of God. I do not believe that this designation is given by accident. How many of you, though your children make mistakes, stop loving them? How much more does God, who is perfect in His Love, love His children? The answer is more than we could ever imagine. How many of us would see our children hurting and not do something to help ease that hurt? Some of you reading this might say, "Bad things happen to God's Children all the time and sometimes he does not intervene." How do you know? God does not measure intervention in terms of this world only. Sometimes he calls his children home because he loves them, sometimes he allows them opportunities to make a turn because he has a plan and purpose for them HERE in this world before they go home. Friends, we all GO HOME if we know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. It's just a matter of when. It is true that sometimes the suffering of others gives people an opportunity to draw close to God. Remember, we cannot fathom his ways because they are "higher" (and take a greater level of understanding than we are able to grasp in this realm). My point is that God loves His Children. Even when he does not seem to love them, He does. He is always waiting for you to come HOME. We sometimes fail to see that because our vision so often is confined to this time and space and it takes faith to see beyond this realm. But remember, that realm is timeless. Sometimes, the closest that we get to HOME in this present world is to be victorious in our quest to walk in the Spirit. If you are still here, God has a plan and purpose for you. If that were not true when you came to Christ, you would have gone to heaven to be with Him immediately. The Epistles of Paul are full of references that state that we are not our own, we belong to God. "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me....You were bought with a price...we are hence forth paraded in the triumph of Christ." If we are here, there is some purpose for our lives to bring glory to God. Paul said that whether he lived or died he would serve Christ until the end. My point to you is that sometimes God delivers us in this present world when we are not seeking Him. The purpose is for our lives to fulfill the purpose for which we were individually created. When that purpose is fulfilled, God will take us HOME. Back to my story. I remember sitting in a Walgreens parking lot in Pinecrest, Florida (there seems to be one on every corner in Miami). I was alone and just didn't know what to do. There were so many parts of myself that I had "put to sleep" during the previous 11 years of my life.  My truest passion I had put to sleep which is my gift of pastoring. Let me say that I was afforded many opportunities during that 11 year period to exercise the spiritual gift of pastoring. I've prayed for many people, including staff within the VA during that time but I was not "plugged" into my gifts in the service of others as my primary purpose. I was just slowly moving along with occasional glimpses of that part of myself. I remember sitting in that parking lot and calling a great friend, Jimmy Adamson, who I had spoken too infrequently during the past 11 years. This time though, I called with a specific purpose. I asked him to pray for me. I asked him to pray specifically that God would put me with people down in Miami who could help me get out of the deep abyss (horrible pit) in which I found myself. We talked and he prayed for me on the phone.  Nothing seemed to happen. In fact, things temporarily seemed to be getting worse (but God was working even though I didn't see it at the time). I was feeling more alone with great responsibility because I could see the way that the divorce between my ex-wife and I was affecting my girls (two youngest daughters). There was also a struggle going on that I am not at liberty to discuss due to the sensitivity of these issues upon others. But I can say that this was a very intense, stressful part of my life. I just didn't know what to do and God allowed me to have some time to think about my life and the direction it had gone. It was also a crossroads to determine the direction of my life in the future. I would like to say that all of my motives during this time were honorable but they were not. Often when I reflect even on this time, I see that often my motives were selfish and dominated by my own needs and wants. But I was searching for God again....I've heard preachers make the statement that everyone is searching for God in one way or another but I can tell you that this is just not true. During those 11 years from approximately 2000-2011, I was not consistently yearning to be close to God nor was I searching for Him. God is soveriegn (He presides over everything) and His grace "covers a multitude of sin." My period of being alone lasted for approximately one year. In October 2012, a friend of mine at work said that there was someone, who also worked for the VA, that she would like for me to meet. She said that this person had a good heart and had been through her own "tough times." She worked in a different area on a different floor of the VA hospital in Miami. When my friend called me at work one day (while I was in a meeting), she asked if I could come to a particular office within the VA once my meeting was complete because she wanted me to meet a friend of hers. So I went to the office she designated after my meeting. This friend of mine introduced me to the most wonderful woman anyone could possibly meet (of course I did not know that at the time). The thing that struck me about this first encounter was the first question she asked me after we were introduced. I, of course, am talking about my wonderful wife Michelle. At our first meeting, she stated that my friend had told her that I once was a pastor and she asked, "Where do you worship now?" What is significant about this is I had not been asked this for over 10 years. I was not worshipping God. I wasn't even attending any church. These two things are different by the way. I had "lost" that part of my identity. It was still inside me but I had lost my identity as a son of God even though I still had the relationship (co-heir with Jesus). A point of significance here: Jesus, and later Paul referred to us as the sons of God.....we are the adopted sons and daughters of the Most High! As such, once we are adopted, we have that relationship. Children, no matter what they do, are never un-adopted. They may be displeasing to their parents, but they are still sons and daughters. This is significant if you've wandered away from God. He still loves you and lives within you. As the Bible says, however, for the child of God who has had the Holy Spirit birthed within them, there is a stirring within you that only God can fill. You have a new nature and you can choose to "walk in the flesh" or to "walk in the spirit." If you choose the former, as I did for a long period of time, you will suffer and you will be miserable due to the new birth of God within you. The only way to fill whole again is to turn back to God, seek forgiveness, and restoration. This is a process, not some instantaneous encounter (although in rare instances it could be because with God all things are possible). Back to my story. Michelle and I talked at work for a couple of weeks at various times during lunch and I found myself dropping by her office frequently. Toward the end of the week, I remember her asking me if she could pray for me. She anointed my head with oil in her office and prayed for me. She told me that God had a purpose for me and that this purpose was not complete. I will say here that I have never encountered someone who prays quite like my wife. She truly has the spiritual gift of prayer. I was blessed with a praying mother my whole life, but having someone from my generation praying for me like my (now wife) does is something else. Michelle had been divorced since 2006 and had tried on several occasions to heal her marriage, even after the divorce. Like my first marriage, it was a long-term relationship of over 20 years. Like my first marriage, she was married to a man with a good heart but there were problems that ultimately led to the disintegration of the relationship.  She had begun praying that God would provide someone who was seeking Him to come into her life. After a while, on one of those frequent visits to her office, I asked her to go out to supper (Dinner in Miami) with me. She replied, "Maybe sometime." I was somewhat disappointed. I remember going back to my office thinking, "I thought she liked me." She called my office later that day and said that the Holy Spirit spoke to her while she was praying and told her that she was not to turn down my invitation. So, we agreed to have Supper the following Monday after work. (to be continued)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - The Grace of God

I learned many things from my decisions in life. I would like to share one of them with you now. I want to say here that I am thankful for the Grace of God. Even when we don't seek Him, he still loves us and desires for us to seek and know Him. The Grace of God is a wonderful thing. Grace is undeserving or unmerited favor. The Grace of God is so far reaching that it is sometimes offensive to us. We so often live in a world of  wanting people "to get what they deserve." When we see some behaviors that we do not like or that are offensive to us, if we are not careful, we will say or think, "I hope that person gets what they deserve."  Friends, I am thankful that God did not give me what I deserve. If he had, I probably would not be alive and I certainly would have no chance of ever being able to be in His presence. But thanks be to God, I don't get what I deserve. I get what He offers and I receive. He offers complete and total restoration and forgiveness. Don't get offended. He offers that to you as well. All you have to do is receive it. But to receive something, you have to at least want it. To want forgiveness, you have to need it. That's because we so often want to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think. Much of the Bible is written warning us to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. There is even a parable which states that those who come in for their wages (of the day) but started much later receive the same wages as those who came in at the beginning of the day and worked longer hours. Doesn't seem fair? That's Grace. Only seems fair if you need it. We all need it. Jesus even warned those who thought they didn't need it to think again. Living in the world and squandering our wealth (as the prodigal son parable so aptly describes) has one beneficial factor if a person comes home again. It fosters an appreciation for Grace. There is a story in the gospels (Luke 7:37-50 for reference) that talks about a woman who had many sins who poured precious perfume and wiped the feet of Jesus with it. The Pharisees (religious people) were offended that this "sinner" was touching Jesus. (offended by grace). They were much more offended when He forgave her of her sins (v48) (offended by grace). He used this time as a teaching lesson for his disciples. He said that anyone who is forgiven little loves little. Anyone who has been forgiven much, loves much. Anyone who KNOWS they need THE GRACE OF GOD will love Jesus MORE. Grace is the attribute of God that offers forgiveness. I remember going to Bible conferences where Pastors and Evangelists would get up in front of the crowd and when they introduced each other, they would say things like, "He has always served the Lord with dignity.....He went to his marriage bed a virgin when so many were living in sin.......He has never wavered from his calling." Yes, I heard all of these things. That's great but you still need grace. It's one thing to say you need it, it's quite another to KNOW you need it. Am I advocating sin? No way. But I am saying that realizing you are truly a sinner who needs grace is a wonderful thing. If we allow Him, God has a way of turning our mistakes (sins) into triumphs. Let me explain with one example: I can praise God with much more clarity and freedom NOW than I could many years ago as a Pastor. Because I am experiencing the True Grace of God, I am thankful for His Greatness and His Wonderful Grace! I've preached on grace many times as a Pastor before I "wandered far away from God" (as the old gospel hymn states) but I know what it truly is more now. Do you want to know who I believe understood the Grace of God more than anyone who has ever lived? The thief on the cross. Talk about coming in late in the day! He received the full days wages just like all the other workers who had worked the entire day! (to borrow from the parable of the workers). That thief doesn't have his fleshly body anymore to hold him back, but if he did, I imagine that his worship in heaven would be more intense and greater than anyone there. He would truly have been praising God for His Grace! Only now he gets to praise Him without the human frailties and limitations.




Father, thank you for your marvelous and matchless Grace!!!

Musings of a Prodigal Son - My Story - Continued

I spent a couple of years as a substance abuse counselor within the inpatient facility. An opportunity arose with the agency where I worked. The community mental health system had expanded its programs to the point where a Corporate Compliance/Quality Assurance Manager was needed for the system. Due to my time as pastor and my hobby of learning various computer programs since the early 90s, I applied for the position. Several senior people in the agency also applied. Thanks be to God, I was chosen for that position, I believe from hind sight God allowed me to be chosen so I could spend a brief time with a very wise man (our executive director at the time).  I say wise because he was a Godly man but also an humble man. He made wise decisions and I got to see first-hand how he did it. He also showed grace to me during some very difficult times. I had worked with several people within the agency that he respected and they recommended me. I will never forget our lengthy discussions and his advice to me. I began the new position with the wonderful task of being able to hire all my staff!!!! I didn’t “inherit” anyone and could mold the department to function as I saw fit. He (the executive director) set guidelines for me but let me choose the methodology for carrying out the mission of the department. It was an exciting time for my life professionally. God blessed by allowing me to hire several very wise people who did excellent work. They really made me look better than I was. I am proud to say that they are all still my friends today. We still keep in touch, not as often as we once did, but still infrequently. Part of my responsibilities on this job was overseeing how all the programs within the system could function more optimally. It was also part of my responsibilities to manage medical records (of which there were many!!!!). We began a process of moving from paper files to electronic medical records (remember it was the early 2000s by this time). I also helped investigate allegations made by patients with other patients and staff. I learned much about people during this time and met many wise people. All the while, my personal life was taking a very different turn. There is something I want to stress here from my own mistakes. When a Christian (especially a pastor or Christian worker who has influence on others) takes his/her eyes off God and starts making decisions based on other things, life starts taking a destructive turn. It is amazing to me that God was training me professionally to do many skills that I would need and will continue to need in the future (positive), while at the same time I was making personal decisions that would affect my lives and the lives of others in ways that still reverberate today (negative). Remember as I have stated earlier, Sin always has its consequences. Don’t forget also that Satan is very strategic. If someone makes personal choices to go down the wrong path and they have influence on others, he (Satan) will take advantage of that opportunity to do as much damage as possible to the Kingdom of God. That means destroying reputations and lives and magnifying the consequences as much as possible to get maximum effect. I in no way am saying, “the devil made me do it.” He did not. On the contrary, he is just an opportunist. He takes advantage of our choices to rebel against God. Remember Job (which is considered by most to be the oldest book in the Bible). Satan didn’t make him do anything. Even in the midst of life’s pressures, Job made the statement, “Though he slay me, yet will I praise Him (God).” We make choices and Satan strategically chooses where he can do the most damage. It makes logical sense that he would attack Christian leaders as they have great moral and spiritual influence on others. I remember when I made a decision to divorce my wife. People that I had pastored called me in tears begging me to reconsider. My choice was also affecting them. They had looked at me as a model of trusting God. I had often spoken to them on the characteristics of a strong marriage and the importance of family to God. Now I was making choices that ultimately led to the destruction of my family. It affected many. I had failed them. This brings me to a very important point. Men, we have the responsibility to pray and seek God for the well-being of our family. Often the disintegration of the family unit begins with men in the home. God ordained that we have spiritual authority over our families. We are “point-men” who determine to a large extent what destructive forces make it into our homes. Thank God that when men have not taken this responsibility seriously, women (wives) have stepped up to stand in the gap. What am I referring to? I am talking about prayer, spending time with God, and listening to what he says to us (which includes reading the Bible—one way He speaks to us). On the basis of these things when necessary, taking stands to not allow certain things into the home that erode family values and family strength.

I took my eyes off God. I divorced my wife at a crucial time in my daughter’s life. The next 11 years of my life were lived out of the Will of God. Those are 11 years that I will never be able to retrieve. I made decisions that will continue to have consequences. I married again a short time after my divorce from my first wife. I left the agency where I worked in order to begin time as an independent contract counselor in Georgia. We moved to Peach Tree City (near Atlanta). I traveled all over the state weekly providing counseling in people’s homes as a contractor for the Department of Family and Children’s Services. The money was very good but the hours were very long. I often joke that I have had a counseling session in homes as late as 9pm. I traveled often, coming home on the weekends. I know what Motel 6 means when they say, “We’ll leave the light on for you.” My daughter was born in Newnan, Georgia in December 2003. She is such a blessing. We then subsequently moved to the Columbus Georgia area. I began working for the VA in May 2004. When I first began at the VA, I was hired as an addictions counselor. After approximately two years, I began working as a Vocational Counselor, helping disabled veterans find jobs. In 2007, I accepted a job at the VA in West Palm Beach, Florida and moved there with my two youngest daughters. Their mother, my second wife, was to move there when she obtained employment there. I lived in Jupiter, Florida and worked at the VA in West Palm Beach for close to a year when something unexpected occurred. My Dad, with whom I have always been close, became seriously ill and passed away. This was in September 2008. My second wife was not able to find employment in the West Palm Beach area up until that point so I began making plans to move back to Alabama to be with my mother who was having a difficult time initially adjusting following my father’s death. I lived in the West Palm Beach area for a total of 14 months. I accepted a job back to the Central Alabama VA. I desired to take my two youngest daughters with me to Alabama, but their mother wanted them with her in Georgia (at that time she had accepted a job in Jessup Georgia—near Savannah). I worked at the Central Alabama VA during the week and traveled there (to Georgia) to be with my daughters and wife on the weekend. My second wife’s goal was to live in south Florida near the beach. This made sense because she is from Brazil and this made it easier to visit her family (flights daily from Miami). Therefore, she kept applying there until she obtained a position and I moved them there (although my job was still in Alabama) on January 1, 2011. I remember driving to Miami from Tallassee, Alabama almost every weekend for six months. It was quite a drive and I read many audio books during that drive. I was able to transfer to the VA Hospital in Miami in June 2011. I worked there as a Vocational Counselor for the next several months. A position to manage all the  Vocational Rehab programs at the Miami VA became open and I applied and obtained that job. God blessed in that. I worked there the next three years and we obtained all the certifications/accreditations as a department. We hired more counselors and the department grew. Soon after I moved to Miami, my second marriage ended. It had been “rocky” for a long time (many years-almost from the beginning). That’s what happens when two people who have totally different philosophies of life and are not going the same direction get married. Priorities and beliefs are so vastly different that there is no unity. Had we both been seeking God on the front end of that marriage, the marriage would have never occurred. This brings up another point. Sometimes when we are out of the will of God, we get out of things we should have committed to and sometimes when we are out of God’s Will we get into things we never should have been involved with from the start. I think my second wife would agree that we both learned much from this relationship. It was not without its lessons. I learned much from her and I hope that she can say the same for me. But it was not God’s Will. That is the key. I will not go into too much detail here due to the sensitivity of others who also lived through this time. Two of my life’s greatest blessings came out of these years, my two youngest daughters whom I love very much. It is amazing that even in the midst of our time out of the Will of God sometimes come some of our greatest blessings. God is amazing. He takes the mistakes we make and makes blessings from them. There are the consequences of our Sin but there are also often those blessings that God paints into our lives like the master artisan that He is. He loves us very much. He is after all our Father. Keep in mind as you read these things that I am only addressing me and the mistakes I made. I could have sought God at any time during these years. I would pray at times. Living for Him would have been difficult during that time but not impossible. I do want to make a point here that should caution us all. The further we move away from our primary purposes in this life, the further we move from our true selves, the more difficult it is to be true to God and to ourselves. It is very difficult to get back on the “The Road Less Traveled” (to borrow the words of writer Scott Peck). The journey back takes time as we align ourselves to the Will of God, go through the process of forgiveness (both the forgiveness of God and the forgiving of ourselves). Let me say here that everyone’s circumstance is different. I can only speak with conviction about my own journey (to be continued).  

Musings of a Prodigal Son - My Story Continued

When I left the church, I resigned without employment at the time. I remember being so “burned out” that it was such a relief to be out from under the pressure of ministry. It didn’t occur to me that it might be difficult finding employment after I resigned. I had a Master’s Degree in Psychology/Counseling and I began applying at all the local mental health agencies. I had been in the ministry for almost a decade at that point so all of my counseling experience was as a pastor. This would be invaluable later. I remember going to a local mental health system and dropping off my resume at the front office with the secretary. This was approximately one week after resigning from the church. The next day I received a call from the director of one of the outpatient programs there. God is so good. Even when we are down, he still provides for us. Here I was about to spiral down a rabbit hole moving away from God and He was already planning a training program to equipment me for future service to Him. I remember that the director of the outpatient program, who later became a good friend, called me on the phone and asked me to come in for an interview. She told me years later that she still does not know how my resume got on her desk but she stated that there is was. She stated that she looked at it and said, “I’m going to hire this guy.” (she had never seen me, didn’t know anything about me, but from hind sight, I know this was God). She stated that she did second guess herself when she called me and I used a “double-negative” on the phone prior to the interview. I’ve used quite a few of those in my life.  The interview was set that week and I was hired to be an outpatient substance abuse counselor. I worked during the day but came in later twice per week and worked the evenings on those days in order to lead groups at night for participants that worked during the day. It was a huge learning experience for me. You see, often times when someone is a pastor, they often see people “on their best behavior.” This experience let me see people often at their worst. I worked there approximately 6 months and when the Director transferred to the inpatient facility that was also in the system, she asked me to come there and be an inpatient counselor at that facility. I stayed there for several years. I really enjoyed that work experience. I have often said I probably had more fun there than at any place I have ever worked. We worked hard providing group counseling and individual counseling for 8 hours per day and sometimes more as needs arose but we all had a good work chemistry. We were all very different in our approaches and experiences. I learned much from all of the people I worked with there. In fact some of them may be reading this blog now because we stayed in touch and many of us became friends. I also met many good people who were in bondage to alcohol and/or other drugs. I saw many success stories and many disappointments. It is amazing to me how God can be teaching us on the one hand while we are going in a different direction than he often intends for us. You will notice that I have said that God was working in my experiences to teach me things that would help me to help others in the future. However, my home life was continuing to disintegrate. My wife and I were continuing to be more distant from each other, much of which was my fault at this point because I was no longer trying to be close to her. I had completely disconnected emotionally at this point. I do want to say here, and I know many of you know the two of us, that she is truly a good person. Again, many of the things that pulled us apart were not of her own making, they were the result of my decisions. I began to spend less and less time with her even when I was home in the evenings. She was downstairs most of the time and I was upstairs in the “study.” She would ask me to come down and spend time with her but I was always “busy” with something. Let me stress this to any Pastors/Christian workers that may be reading this: the relationship with me and my wife ended WHILE I WAS A PASTOR. We were still “married” but emotional, physical, and spiritual distance happened during my time as a pastor. As mentioned in an earlier section, that is where I erred. I listened less and less to my wife, not taking into consideration her feelings, and did not make decisions on what was best for our family (myself, my wife, and my daughter). Here are some common mistakes that many Pastors make: When problems begin to develop between a pastor and his wife, Godly counsel should be sought quickly and if a hiatus from the ministry is warranted, it is ok to take a step back and work together and pray until a common shared vision begins to emerge. Often times, Pastors are not willing to do this. They “press on” in what they have convinced themselves is the will of God oblivious to the fact that their family is falling apart around them. Often times, the Church does not see the disintegration of a pastor’s family due to the “work of the ministry.” This is a mistake I made. I chose not to notice that our family was falling apart. When I began to admit to myself that we were in trouble as a couple, I feared that our marriage would end and so would MY ministry. Notice that I said MY and not OUR. That is often the case when the marriage of a pastor is in real trouble. Protecting MY ministry becomes more important than protecting MY family. Please hear me Pastors and Christian Workers!!!! After our relationship with God, He intends OUR family to be OUR priority and then OUR ministry to follow out of that. If the “OUR” is missing from any of these things it will not work!!!!!!! I remember distinctly that any time my wife truly tried to talk with me about any concerns she had, if I disagreed, I would say, “I am doing it this way because it is God’s Will.” I never will forget her reply in anger one day, “How am I supposed to compete with God!!!!!!” (from hind sight, it was not “God’s Will” but me using God to justify my viewpoint). Keep in mind that the things I was doing were often very good things but they were not the BEST things. Allow me to admonish for a moment: Make your family your priority. Out of your family the Will of God will flow!!!!!!

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Is Sin Still Sin?

Is Sin still Sin?  It has become unpopular to preach or even mention the word Sin. In our world of positive affirmations and the affirming of everyone and everything, it is growing increasingly unpopular and often downright dangerous to identify many of the individual sins that are mentioned in the Bible. Of course, part of this is due to many who proclaim to be Christians (and others as well) pronouncing judgement instead of the "correction in love" that Jesus modeled and taught as a way to deal with the issue of Sin. That is a discussion for another time but the wrong approach does not diminish the need to address Sin. I have come to believe that Sin is not some arbitrary lists of "do's and don'ts" that God came up with to make our lives difficult. Sin is Sin due to its consequences and its impact on God's Perfection. It hurts God's perfect plan for creation. Much of the Bible deals with the issue of how to avoid, deal with, and recover from Sin. One of the reasons that Sin (missing the mark) is so devastating is due to it's consequences. I believe that often God allows the consequences to flow naturally out of our Sin without intervention, thus allowing for bad things to occur that we are responsible for causing.  He was not the cause of those things but rather allowed them to have their natural "fruits" as the results of our sins. Whatever we plant, we will get as a harvest. Oftentimes, we are harvesting the destructive crops planted by others before us. Deliverance (setting the captives free) is one of the purposes and ministries of the church that seeks to correct or make right the consequences of sin (either our own or someone else). Our sin (either by commission or omission) is like setting a ball in motion down a hill. Sometimes the ball may role directly into the curb at the bottom without hitting anything of significance. Other times the ball may hit many things on the way down causing damage and altering the course of other things such a a car that swerves to avoid it. Another example is when a person chooses to have "casual" sex with someone after a night of going to clubs. Sometimes the only discernible consequence for that behavior may be negligible for the person who committed them (although there are often unseen consequences--such as lowering of self-esteem, dehumanizing feels, etc...). At other times, one "casual" sexual encounter may result in the acquiring of a disease that may follow the person the rest of their lives, or cause the breakup of a 25 year marriage. The point is, when we commit acts that God has identified as Sin, there are always consequences. We don't always know the depth of those consequences. We make choices that have "lasting" consequences. It is dangerous to commit a sin because we may choose on one end to commit that act (or omit--whichever the case may be) but we have no control over the consequences on the other end (the consequences are sometimes more serious and far reaching than at other times). The point is, it is a gamble where the odds are not in our favor. Many of us are living today with the consequences (sometimes even generational) of the sins of others. Every parent reading this has committed sin for which your children are suffering. There are no exceptions to this for the Bible tells us that ALL have sinned. That is why sin is "utterly sinful" as Paul told the Roman Christians. Sin at its core is rebellion against God's perfect creation. It's consequences are often not confined to the individual that committed them. An example: Adam sinned by being disobedient to God. The consequences of his sin doomed the entire human race to be "born in sin". I would say that this qualifies as far reaching consequences, wouldn't you? Possibly, at the time Adam was disobedient, he did not completely comprehend the consequences that he would place upon himself and his dependents (and descendants) as a result of his simple disobedience to God. I have worked as a counselor at substance abuse treatment facilities where people were mandated for treatment of alcohol and drug issues. I remember one person in particular who was "court-ordered" there prior to sentencing because he had become intoxicated and had killed someone in an automobile accident. He was a really nice guy. But....he made a choice to sin (I think that driving under the influence of alcohol and putting other people at risk would qualify as a sin) and as a result, he faced the possibility of spending the next 25 years of his life in jail for manslaughter. When I talked with him, he had no idea  that his simple "decision" that night would result in the death of someone else. Others have driven automobiles many times without the same consequences. Was it any less wrong? No, but the consequences were different. We can choose to do something wrong (sin) but we don't get to choose the natural consequences of that choice.  The truth in all of these consequences to sin is that God has told us that when we sin, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. Do not get me wrong, just because someone is suffering DOES NOT mean they have sinned. Often their plight is the result of the sins of others. Sometimes it may be others that they do not even know. For example: A dictator takes power and forces people to live in servitude. People born into that environment suffer greatly due to the Sin of other (sometimes ruthless) people. As a mental health counselor, I have encountered many people over the years who are suffering as a result of the "sin" of an abusive parent or caregiver. I am merely stressing here that Sin is very serious. It needs to be dealt with in our lives and in the lives of others. Sin also has another dimension. It is also Sin to omit something that we should do (James 4:17). An example of this is our tendency in America to be self-absorbed. Many times we don't think about the well-being of others. Feeding the hungry, ministering to the widows, helping those who are sick, offering a helping hand, and visiting those in jail are some examples of this. These things are just as important now asthey were in the days that Jesus walked this earth. If we pass up these opportunities, we are committing Sin. There are sins of omission (not doing what we ought to do) as well as sins of commission (doing what we should not do).  Thanks be to God that in the work of the cross through our Lord Jesus Christ, and the subsequent coming of the Holy Spirit, we have the arsenal at our disposal to deal with many of the consequences of Sin. Remember, God says not to sin. The primary weapon is dealing with Sin is to avoid it. (look at scriptures by doing a search on "sin not, overcoming temptation, and resisting the devil). If Sin is committed, there is a prescribed plan for dealing with it. That method of dealing with it is confession and forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)  The consequences can also be dealt with. That is what we call deliverance. Many churches don't practice deliverance. The word even scares people. Let's look at what Jesus said about it. "And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. "And He (Jesus) opened the book and found the place where it was written, "THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME, BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL  (the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ) TO THE POOR. HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES (Deliverance), AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND, TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED, TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD."…(Luke 4:17-19) Jesus also said in another scripture, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father(John 14:12). He was speaking of when he ascended into heaven so that the "Comforter" could come (the Holy Spirit). Therefore, when we are "walking in the Spirit", as His (Jesus) body, we should be doing the things mentioned above. Sin is said to "bind" us. It holds us captive. We need to be released and set free. When we sin we are often "tying up" ourselves and those over whom we have authority (our children and families). One purpose of the church (as the body of Christ) is to be instruments of "release to the captives" and "to set free those who are oppressed." Some reading this may think: This is a little too "wacky" for me, that sounds like we are supposed to be doing the supernatural and unexplained. That's because we are. God never confined us to the natural. Jesus came so that his Kingdom could be established on earth as it is in Heaven. I have even heard some really Godly people say, "That supernatural stuff was for another time and another place, things are not like that now." That is simply not true. Jesus never said these things should go away (after the "time" of the apostles) but rather they should continue until He comes again. Our experience should never determine what truth is. What God says is true IS TRUTH. We should believe the truth, obey our God, and allow our experiences to change! (not base our view of truth on what we experience).


Father, teach us to deal with Sin. In our own lives and in the lives of those who desire to be set free. Teach us to set the captives free!!!! As your Body, teach us to set free those who are oppressed!!!!! In Jesus' Name and in the Power of His Blood, Amen.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Facing Burnout - The Solution

Burnout happens when we are expending emotional, mental, or spiritual energy that we don’t have. It is “burning the candle at both ends” (so that the fire burns all the wax up and then the wick and there is nothing left for the fire to burn so it extinguishes). Burnout in ministry is the equivalent of physical exhaustion for a prize fighter. The prize fighter can no longer “function” in the ring if he is physically exhausted. At that point, his defenses are down and any blow will cause major damage to his body. It is the same for the burned out pastor or Christian Worker. Once the “exhaustion” sets in, any blow from the enemy in whatever form it takes tends to take the individual down. At that point, the opponent (Satan), takes advantage of the defenseless position and begins to pound the individual into the mat. The longer the individual stays down getting pelted, the more damage is done and the longer it takes to recover. It is significant that God provides all the “training” it takes to avoid exhaustion (burnout). We have to utilize his training methods in order to avoid burnout. The Bible is often our training manual or God’s “how to” book. There are many passages of scripture that talk about God “sustaining” us (helping us avoid burnout). I would like to focus on one such passage. When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights, I am sure that he was exhausted from the ordeal. I recently talked with someone who practices fasting on a regular basis and the longest they have fasted without any food has been 7 days (much shorter period of time without water). It is significant that it was at the end of this period, when Jesus was the weakest and exhaustion was set in, that Satan tempted Him. His tactic in overcoming this temptation is worth looking into. There are three things that are of significance here which are indicated by three types of temptations that give us a clue on how to avoid burnout. 1) Don’t focus on the problems at hand but on the God who is greater than the problems.  Satan said, “Command that these stones be made bread” but Jesus replied, “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every Word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.” In other words and this is my paraphrase, “Even though I am hungry and this looks like the real problem, I am not going to become so overwhelmed with this that I just deal with it without seeking ALL of God’s counsel (every word). There is no substitute for spending time with God. There is no substitute for talking with him, listening to him, and learning what he is doing and saying.  Next Satan took Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple and said, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down so that the holy angels can come and rescue you for all the people to see. (my paraphrase). Jesus replied, “Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God (put God to the test).”  This brings us to the second principle to avoid burnout. 2) Once you have focused on God and discovered that He is greater than the problems, don’t rush to the conclusion that God wants to solve the problems to prove himself or vindicate you. I have to say that much of my own burnout was the result of a lack of understanding of this basic principle. I saw that God was bigger than the problems. Due to that realization, I expected Him to vindicate me and His people for the entire world to see. This is the problem with this approach. It circumvents one of God’s greatest purposes for each of us on this earth. Our lives are a quest to TRUST Him. My purpose in this life is to have faith in God and to TRUST Him. That’s where my responsibility ends. If I trust Him that also means obedience and “putting feet on my prayers” but the outcome of that TRUST is God’s business. When the unthinkable happens, my purpose is to TRUST Him. Job (which is considered the oldest written book in the Bible) stated, “Even though you slay me, yet will I Serve (TRUST) thee.” Often frustration (which leads to burnout) comes to us when we do not things going the way we want them to go. Doesn’t God know his reputation is on the line? (I’m being facetious; his reputation is not on the line).  3) Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing—Not my will but thine be done (true worship is thanking God for HIS will and purposes). The last temptation recorded states that Satan took Jesus into a high mountain in the wilderness and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and told him that if he would worship him (Satan), he would give Him (Jesus) all the kingdoms of the world.  I really missed it here as well and this contributed to my burnout. I really wanted the world to recognize God. Often times not just to see God but to think highly of me. Pride is a sneaky thing. By thinking we are not prideful; we have invited pride into our lives. I heard the illustration one time of a woman who got an award one Sunday at church for being the most humble person in the congregation. They had to take it away from her the next week because she accepted it.  “Worship the Lord Your God and Him only shalt thou serve.” Burnout is avoided when we want only HIS will and when we also only want HIM to be glorified. It takes the pressure off because our task is just to spend time with Him and be obedient.  Remember Jesus purpose on this earth was to be crucified so that God’s purpose could be fulfilled. Had he not wanted God to be glorified only but also wanted self-vindication, imagine what “burnout” he would have faced?  While everything in his life was leading Him to the cross, he would have been struggling and fighting all the way until the point of exhaustion. Praise God He stayed focused on God, His Will, His Purpose, His Plan.

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Divorce - Part 1

People may wonder why I am writing regularly about my life and “putting my stuff out there.” I have prayed about this for some time and I still believe that listening (or reading) as someone else talks/writes about their mistakes and the pain it has caused them and others, can help others avoid those mistakes and their consequences. This is why I continue to write. As I write, other issues come to mind. Please bear with me as I “chase a few rabbits” as my story unfolds.

This weekend, my wife and I traveled to Miami to visit three of our children and one of our grandchildren. At this point, it is necessary for me to convey that my ex-wife and I have joint custody of my youngest daughter, age 11. She is a very special girl. Since I moved to Orlando in February of this year, I have my daughter with me in Orlando on all school holidays and during the summer break. She remains in Miami for the school year with her mom and I visit her periodically between school holidays (such as this weekend). For those of you that have experienced divorce, you know that no matter how you arrange your children’s schedule and living arrangements, it is never ideal for them. This reinforces the biblical concept of marriage being a lifetime commitment with children having ready access to both parents. Unfortunately, due to choices beyond their (the children’s) control, this is often not the case. The children are often the one’s who truly suffer when there is a divorce or separation of parents, regardless of the reasons. Although both parties in a relationship make mistakes and marriages end for different reasons, the children often bear the burden of the consequences of their parents choices. Often, we as parents, go on with our lives but the children are left to “make do” with the aftermath of our choices. Nothing replaces an intact and united family where the mother and father of a child are both committed to the will of God and going in the same direction to “tackle” life. This is another reason that God stresses the importance of protecting the family unit and encourages families from his Word to seek him first (as a family) so that both partners in a relationship are moving the same direction and becoming less selfish. I am aware that there are some children out there whose families remained “intact” but there was no unity in their family and they also suffered. There is usually no merit in “staying together for the children” although in some cases this works out for the best. Don’t forget that just remaining “legally” married is not God’s intent for marriage. That intent is to be ONE spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically (sex). Each of these is of no less importance than the other. There are many couples who are “legally” married but are not married in the sense of what God indicates is a marriage. More on this in a later discussion.   Divorce creates a whole myriad of problems. I don’t think it is necessary to talk about the Biblical teachings on divorce here. Many of you who are reading this have heard countless sermons and probably read countless other materials about the Biblical grounds for divorce. Many of you that take a strong literal view of the major passages of scripture that deal with divorce may also believe that many people should stay in abusive relationships so that their spouse may be “won” by their Godly conduct. I am not one who takes that view although I do not think that divorce in any circumstance, whether Biblical or not is a good thing. At its core, it is an “allowance” that it made by God for untenable circumstances. However, anytime God tells us that something is not good or “allowed due to the hardness of our hearts”, there is a reason it is not good. I have learned in my life that sin is not an arbitrary list of “don’t dos” that God uses to test us but rather a list of things that if committed or omitted can cause far reaching consequences that cause hurt and pain not only in our own lives, but in the lives of many innocents. Because of His great love for each of us, these things ultimately hurt God deeply. Divorce is one of those things.

You might ask, “Why does a person who has been married three times feel the need to write about divorce?”  The answer to this question is quite simple. I have seen first-hand the pain I have helped create in my own children’s lives due to poor choices I have made. Whether the poor choice was the getting into a relationship in the beginning or a choice made to get out of a relationship that had merit and could have been healed, the consequences on the innocents (the children) are often the same.  The children are the ones who suffer. Even if both divorced parents are attempting to do things that minimize the impact of the divorce on the children, the suffering of the child is inevitable. There is always a time when they are going to be without one or the other of their parents. They are often put in the middle of any disagreements that result between the divorced parents. They are often made to feel guilty for showing too much affection for one or the other of their parents. They are often afraid to express how they really feel for fear that they will “hurt” one or the other of their parents. This often results in the children of divorced families thinking that the needs of others are more important than their own needs. Their parent’s needs are often placed above their own. I do want to stress that it is often a blessing when good people enter the lives of the divorced parents as new partners and they are good to the children. This does make things easier than they might have been for the child/children. Often, however, one or other of the parents get involved or remarried to someone who brings with them their own sets of problems that often compound the anxiety of the children. Often these new spouses/partners are less than caring of the children or have children of their own.  A personal note here, I am thankful that this was not the case with my youngest daughter and my oldest daughter. The new partners of their mothers have been good to my girls and I really feel that they love and care about them. As I was leaving Miami yesterday, I was reminded of how sad I was that I was leaving my little girl. I can often see the unexpressed pain on her face. She does not talk much about it even when prompted due to the fact that talking doesn’t “change how it is.” Once some life choices have been put in motion, they carry with them the inevitable consequences. I venture to say that many of you reading this have either felt the pain of someone else’s choices or your own as you long for the pain to go away from the eyes of those you love. It is a sobering thought that God has given us the dignity of being able to make choices that have far reaching and even eternal consequences. This should make us walk “circumspectly” (looking around) as the Bible says for the days are evil. This in no way diminishes the joy I feel now that God has blessed me with my praying wife. I love her deeply. She is God’s Grace Gift to me regardless of my past choices. She is a part of the “devil returning to me sevenfold what he has taken away (and in many cases I have given him).”  However, there is still the matter of the pain I see in my daughter’s eyes. Each time I see it, God allows me to have the realization that had I been obedient to Him, that pain would not exist. May God heal the pain that has resulted from our disobedience to Him.

“Father, please heal the pain that those who are innocent feel due to our disobedience to You.”

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Wrestling with God - Part 1

A side note here. It is often at times (like I have mentioned above) that people allow their “religious” side to come out and begin to defend God and “correct” the person making statements like I have made above. I know this is the case because I used to be one of those people. I think that we are often masters of forcing people to feel like they should be somewhere in their life that they are not. What I mean is we are quick to point out the “wrongness” of what people say and feel without truly listening to them. It is my experience that you cannot move from where you are unless you are able to admit where you are to yourself, to others, and most importantly, to God. We are quick to point people in directions that we have not lived. I preached many things too easily. It doesn’t mean that what I said was not true. On the contrary, much of what I preached from the pulpit of that church, I still believe. But now I KNOW I believe it. Other things I have read (and preached) and know factually to be true, but I still don’t KNOW them. I am about to give a controversial example. I can say with conviction that I believe that the Bible is true and without error. However, in my experience even as a pastor, many parts of scripture are interpreted literal, others as symbolic, while others have been interpreted as being cultural. It is a dangerous proposition to put oneself in a position to determine which of these is applicable to various passages in God’s Word. I happen to know Godly people who interpret various parts of God’s Word differently dependent on their interpretation of whether some passage is literal, symbolic, or cultural. You might be conservative and say, “It is all literal.” Really? An example, Romans 13:1 Says, “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.(NASB) As a part of my studies to obtain my theological education, I took a course entitled, “Civil War Preaching.” The reason I took this course is that I have always been intrigued by how various groups have used their faith to justify many horrible things. The early crusades are an example (many “Christians” killed many “heathens” during that time and justified it in the same way that many radical militant Muslim groups are doing today with people of different faiths). If this verse (Romans 13:1) was interpreted literally, a slave during the 1860s could have been told that since his “master” was the authority established by God, he was to subject himself to that authority as to God. The following verse even states that whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God and that they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. So a literal translation could actually say that to for a slave to oppose his “masters” treatment of him/her would be to condemn themselves before God. I hope you are beginning to see the absurdity of such a concept. My point is:  Man has always played “fast and loose” with the interpretation of the Word of God. This is nothing new. This will be the case until this world is no more. Why do so many Godly people interpret the same passages of scripture differently? Could it be that we have missed something? What could that something be? Let me propose something to you. Jesus spent a great deal of time talking about “knowing the Father”. It is significant to me that the only way to know anyone is to SPEND TIME WITH THEM. The greatest news that the world has ever heard in my opinion is this: “He is not here, He is risen!” (Meaning Jesus is alive). When someone is alive, we don’t have to just learn from what they have said in the past, we can listen to what they are saying in the present. People who are alive still communicate TODAY. You might say, “Rodney, the scripture is clear and the Bible says that God would never contradict himself.” I would agree. But I will say that God is often misunderstood and the only way to receive clarification is to spend time getting to know Him. Something I have learned in my life: people who spend time with God are not offended by the viewpoint of others, are not judgmental of others, and break down barrier walls that separate them from others. You show me a judgmental person and I’ll show you someone who is not spending time with God. You show me an argumentative person and I’ll show you someone who is not spending time with God. You show me a prejudicial person and I’ll show you someone who is not spending time with God. Of course, all of these things are a process of change in our mortal bodies but there should be progress in these areas nonetheless. (more to come)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Facing Burnout - Part 3 Continued

1n 1997, A man in the church became ill who was close in age to myself and who also had a child that was close to the age of my young daughter. This man and I had become close friends over time as I had now been at the church approximately 6 years. We often talked at church and also at social gathering and I had garnered a great deal of respect for him. He had become seriously ill in approximately 1993 but had surgery to remove a dangerous tumor and was doing well subsequent to the surgery. The church had prayed for his healing during this time and we had praised God that he was cancer free. He did well for the next few years. An episode occurred in 1997, which warranted further tests. I will never forget the day that his family (wife, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and other extended family) went to the doctor’s office for a consultation on treatment options as it had been determined that the tumor had returned. He had called me that morning and asked that I go with the family to this consultation. I remember all of us sitting around a conference table and the physician (a well-respected specialist) telling this man and his family that he had very little time remaining. I remember the shock on all the faces there as I am sure the same was on my face. Here was a man who looked as “normal” as anyone you might meet on the street but the doctor has told him that he doesn't have very long to live.  I will never forget the doctor saying, “If there is anything you would like to do, do it within the next two weeks.” The shock was apparent in the faces and reactions of all there. From hind sight, my friend seemed to be the only one there with a level of peace. I remember him asking me to ride alone with him home. He asked me to drive him to his place of employment where he would tell them that he would not return to work. I remember sitting in the car as the shock began to wear off with many thoughts racing through my head. Would God really let him die? How could he die if he looked so healthy? What would happen to his wife and son? Why would God let someone who had a good heart and was willing to help so many people become sick and die? Was this a test of his faith and ours to see if we would pray and claim miraculous healing over him? After I took him home, I remember beginning to focus on prayer for his healing. I knew that this was a time that God would confirm my faith in him and we could praise him for the healing and all in the church would see what a great God we serve. I remember as a church, we banded together and agreed on his healing and asked God diligently for his healing. I remember the times that I preached during this whole ordeal; I could feel the presence of God with my friend and the entire church. I just knew that we were on the precipice of a major faith breakthrough that would foster church growth and healing by the miraculous power of God. All the church, town, and community would see that we serve a powerful and a healing God that is rich in mercy. I remember that approximately four weeks later, my friend took his son to the first day of his kindergarten and when he got back home, he never left his house again. The week prior to his death, I spent much time with him talking and staying most days and nights at the family’s home. I know this may sound unusual to many of you that may be reading this but this was something that I always felt I should do if a family desired it when a family member was close to death. I believed then and I still believe now that a pastor must love the people he serves, laugh with them, cry with them, be joyful with them, and mourn with them. My friend and I talked about God and his young family. All the while, I was still in conflict continuing to “want” to believe that God would pull him back from the edge of death. Gradually acceptance that he would go to be with God begin to permeate my being. He died on my daughter’s birthday. A man of God with a five year old son and young wife died on that day. I remember preaching the funeral of this young man and once that was completed I remember the emptiness that I felt inside. God had let me down. I know many of you may want to jump in now and rescue me and God by saying something spiritual that may even be true, but I felt as if God had let me down. I was standing on His promises and He let me down. 

Soon after, I had asked the church for a sabbatical. I needed time away. I wanted to cease being a pastor. I was angry but afraid to express it. In some ways at that time I felt like someone who represented a company with inferior products and I was tired of promoting them because the people would know that they were inferior.  Upon my return, I continued to preach and attempted to minister to people. There is nothing like preaching when you feel empty inside. I remembered hearing well-meaning people say, “If you are empty, God will fill you up.” I just didn’t find this to be true. I was like an empty tube of toothpaste that you keep squeezing to get one more tooth brushing in. I had nothing left. There was no fuel in my tank. There were times that I even stated from the pulpit that I wanted to be anywhere but church. I didn’t want to be there. All of this was no one’s fault but mine. You might ask me, would you do all of this again? The answer is yes. I did what I believed I should do and I believe it was the right thing. But…you may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned my little family one time during this whole section. It’s because I was so caught up in my own grief that I again did not make any time for them. Many times when I look back on the ministry, I see myself running on the playing field but not interacting much with my young wife and child on the sidelines. I’m not talking about the normal interactions at social gatherings and general conversation. I am talking about intimate conversation about the direction of our family, listening to each member’s fears and concerns, while affirming each family member.  God might have provided a source of healing within my own family but I was too busy to notice. A point here that is very crucial even when you are doing good things:  Time spent with God and time spent with your individual family are the two most important things that can keep you from burning out. Not just being in the same location but communicating and getting to know those closest to you and continuing to get to know the God who truly wants to know each of us in a deeper way. I will talk more about what I’ve learned about how to spend more time with God and family later. My purpose in writing these things is a hope that many of you will not have to lose what I lost and make the mistakes I made in order to learn these truths. (to be continued)

Musings of a Prodigal Son - Facing Burnout - Part 3

Burnout. I don't know exactly when it happened. I just know that it happened. Time was spent preparing to minister to God's people at the small town church: visiting those who were sick, planning for the future of the church's ministries, continuing my education, attending various church functions, and giving what little time that was left to my small family. Along the way, deep bonds were formed with various people within the church. Friendships deepened. I learned much about people during this time. All of us have strengths and weaknesses. The bottom line is that people are all different but many of basic needs are always the same: acceptance, a sense of purpose, security, love, affection. I know that I titled this section "Burnout" but I don't want to be misunderstood. This time in my life as a young pastor was one of the greatest times of my life. I truly laughed, cried, and experienced more emotions than I have at any other time. I considered it a great honor and privilege to have known many of these people. I met some of the most Godly and humble people during this time, true servants of God. People who had done enough living to know what is important and what is passing.I have often stated that it is a tragedy that we can't live life in reverse. I'm sure those closest to these people knew their frailties and many of the mistake that they made along the way but I was fortunate enough to look at a more "finished" product. Looking back at many of these people, I am aware that they knew something that many of the rest of us have yet to learn. It really is a simple truth that can stare us right in the face without realizing it. That truth is this: God has a purpose for our lives, we should plug into it as quickly as possible, and let the chips fall where they may. I know, you're probably thinking, "I already know that." I thought I did to. When I look back though at these people that I'll call true saints, they LIVED like this was the truth. They didn't go to church (although most attended), they were the church. They saw themselves as simple servants who plugged into God's purpose for them as best they could, plowed on until they knew differently without fretting, and when it came time for them to "go home", they simply crossed over. None of the fretfulness and hoopla that most of us struggle with on a daily basis. Often they were not the "flashy" ones that many of us have early aspirations of being. A thought here:  Isn't it ironic that it is often after we had made mistakes as parents and our children are grown that we have discovered many things that would have made us better parents. Walking with God is the same way. When mistakes, failures, and frailties have taught us more of the important things, it is often time to make our exit. I alluded earlier to the fact that sometimes God doesn't make sense. This is one of those things that often eludes reason. Remember the scripture says to learn from the older and wiser. A note here however: Age does not always make one wiser. I have met people who just seem to get more stubborn, distant, and bitter as life goes on. By the time they make their exit, no one can stand to even be in their presence. I hope I am not one of them. It is also important to note that not all of these people where aged. Some were young, some were middle aged, and many were old.

It is important for me to note that I went to Bible College and obtained a degree in "Theology." At it's basic form Theology is the study of God. As many of you already know, God is such a broad subject. It is somewhat humorous to me that when someone studies along these lines and obtains a Master's Degree, it is often called a "Masters of Divinity" (M Div). The reason this is humorous to me is that I do not believe it is possible to become a "Master of Theology" or to put it another way "A Master of the Study of God". No one ever becomes an expert on God. It is impossible. He even tells us, "His Ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts." In fact, I will even venture to say that the more one truly knows God, the less he/she knows about Him. He tells us that we are made in His image but that doesn't even come close to the various dimensions of his nature. The reason that I stress this point is because we are constantly trying to understand the events that occur within and around us by trying to understand them within the contexts of our "rational" minds. As far as I've been able to ascertain, God never tells us that he'll help us understand. Rather he tells us that he will guide us into His will regardless of whether it makes sense or not. Our part is to TRUST. Hence the hard part. I have lived much of my life struggling with that simple concept. It is easy to say I TRUST when things are going good. However, when things are going "bad" and don't make sense to me, that's where I have this problem with TRUST. A note here: The Bible says, Abraham believed (trusted) God and it was credited to him as righteousness." What is this relationship between righteousness (right standing with God) and trusting? Trust is being able to walk in the fiery furnace, into a den of lions, laying your only son on an alter intending to sacrifice him, being a kid in front of a well trained giant who intends to kill you armed only with a slingshot. That's Trust. There is an old song that is often sung in various churches called "Standing on the Promises." The authors of that hymn probably realized much of what I have written about today. It would probably benefit all of us to do a Bible Study on the Promises God made to us. I mentioned all of the above to segue into my discussion of burnout.

Some events in our lives are so pivotal that we measure all other events as "before" that event or "after" that event. Oftentimes, life is marked with several of those pivotal events. My life was marked by several such events. Approximately 6 years into my time as pastor of the church, I encountered one such event. It came at such a time that it caused me great distress and forced me to reexamine what I THOUGHT I believed and what I truly believed (TRUSTED). (more to come)

The Prodigal Son - Part 2 - The Pastorate (continued)

My time as a young pastor was marked by many “Highs” and many “Lows”. I truly witnessed God change the lives of people. I witnessed people at their best and also at their worst. I remember as a young boy, looking at Pastors and Christian Leaders and thinking that they somehow must have a clear vision about what is coming next and an all encompassing view of God and what He is doing in this world. That it was just a matter of following that well designed and well illuminated plan that would result in success in the ministry. What I found was that you are a man or woman, with no additional “oomphhhhh”, standing at the front of a large group of people while facing a hazy desert littered with sand storms, seemingly no water, and enemy invaders buried in the most unlikely places.  I tried often to have a “quiet” time with God. Nothing seemed to work. I tried early in the morning in my office at church alone but oftentimes found myself falling asleep and feeling guilty about it. I tried in the evening but that didn’t work either. I did find myself talking to God most of the time, however. Trying to find something significant to say on Sunday Mornings before a group of men and women became a huge chore. I watched exposition preachers preach through the Bible thinking that is the best way and I tried it. It was not consistent and I didn’t feel that the passages of scripture were being illuminated to me. I tried preaching on topics but found they were topics of issues I had faced the previous week that begged answers for me (although many of these things helped others as well). All the while we had begun a building program prior to me becoming pastor of the church. We had begun something called “Challenge to Build”. As a disclaimer, let me say that I know that this has probably worked for many churches in helping to provide money for building projects. However, the more I prayed about it, the more it really seemed foreign to me to go into people’s homes, putting them on the spot, and asking them to “pledge” a certain amount toward the costs of building. This was after they were asked to pray, of course. I just didn’t feel that this was the direction God would have us to continue to go. So, my first major decision as pastor was to talk to the deacons (a body of servants-all men [though my views on that were different then and also now]) and we prayed about this program. Most of the men in this group saw things as I did but some did not. We stopped this building “program” and just asked the people who were attending church to give as God directed them. This turned out to be a good thing because by 1999, the debt was paid off for all the renovations. A note here for small churches:  often times small churches ministries and expenses are financed by very few people. An example is a church of 150 people will usually (this is my estimate and it may be inaccurate) have 90% of its ministries operated from the giving of less than 10% of its people. Those 10% are usually the higher earners in the church and more often than not come from the same few families.  In some churches, it is only one family and in others several families. The point I am trying to make is that those few families often wield major influences over everything that happens in the church. This often works well if these families and/or individuals are faithful and seeking God. However, just like the rest of us, no one does the right thing all the time and sometimes this can hinder what God may want to do within a place. I can say, and I know that many will be reading this, that the body of believers that God allowed me to pastor had several families whose giving financed the majority of the ministries of the church. These were families that I believe were seeking God and although they disagreed among themselves at times, they loved each other (and me—thanks be to God), and things often worked out as a result. This in part is why my time there had such longevity. They were seeking God and as a result allowed me to make my mistakes without crucifying me. I did, however, have friends who were not so fortunate and their experience was much different as often happens when one family or individual within the church wields too much control. It is important to mention here that Satan is strategic and often attacks where can do the most damage. If a pastor, family, and/or individual has much “say-so” power within a local body, it stands to reason that Satan will attack that family and/or individual to seek to influence them and get their focus anywhere but on what God wants the focus to be on. When a person (or family) with great influence is focused on other things besides God’s will, tremendous problems result and often the church begins to go in decline. In my opinion this is the greatest pitfall of the small local church. Larger churches, of which I have been apart, often have some of the same issues but often Satan’s strategy of destroying them is different (more about that later). Keep in mind, the influential person in the church can also be the pastor….if the families wielding the most power and influence trust him or her. Unfortunately, this became true of me as time warranted greater trust in me as the pastor of our church. Here is the problem. From hind sight, I will tell you that I was still seeking God and “straining” to follow His will but I wanted more than I was able to handle and wanted more than God’s people were ready for.  An example:  David was only able to fight the giant Goliath because he had killed so many smaller prey in the wilderness. Excuse my frankness but David did not exit his mother’s womb and march immediately out in the desert to face the giant. He was trained in the wilderness and God brought the Giant naturally to him when it was time. Had he went out in the desert too soon it would have been him lying dead and defeated on the ground, not the giant. Pain and fatigue can often make us want what we are not ready to receive. It was at this point that I began to “push” people instead of “leading” them. Love never pushes people in directions they are not able to go. You love people into making changes. This is another principle: Jesus loved people into the Kingdom of God. You might say, “Rodney, I don’t buy that. Jesus confronted people about their sin.” I would reply, “He always confronted in love….which is the only reason that some of those hardened battle soldiers (roman centurion) heard him.” (more to come)