Burnout. I don't know exactly when it happened. I just know that it happened. Time was spent preparing to minister to God's people at the small town church: visiting those who were sick, planning for the future of the church's ministries, continuing my education, attending various church functions, and giving what little time that was left to my small family. Along the way, deep bonds were formed with various people within the church. Friendships deepened. I learned much about people during this time. All of us have strengths and weaknesses. The bottom line is that people are all different but many of basic needs are always the same: acceptance, a sense of purpose, security, love, affection. I know that I titled this section "Burnout" but I don't want to be misunderstood. This time in my life as a young pastor was one of the greatest times of my life. I truly laughed, cried, and experienced more emotions than I have at any other time. I considered it a great honor and privilege to have known many of these people. I met some of the most Godly and humble people during this time, true servants of God. People who had done enough living to know what is important and what is passing.I have often stated that it is a tragedy that we can't live life in reverse. I'm sure those closest to these people knew their frailties and many of the mistake that they made along the way but I was fortunate enough to look at a more "finished" product. Looking back at many of these people, I am aware that they knew something that many of the rest of us have yet to learn. It really is a simple truth that can stare us right in the face without realizing it. That truth is this: God has a purpose for our lives, we should plug into it as quickly as possible, and let the chips fall where they may. I know, you're probably thinking, "I already know that." I thought I did to. When I look back though at these people that I'll call true saints, they LIVED like this was the truth. They didn't go to church (although most attended), they were the church. They saw themselves as simple servants who plugged into God's purpose for them as best they could, plowed on until they knew differently without fretting, and when it came time for them to "go home", they simply crossed over. None of the fretfulness and hoopla that most of us struggle with on a daily basis. Often they were not the "flashy" ones that many of us have early aspirations of being. A thought here: Isn't it ironic that it is often after we had made mistakes as parents and our children are grown that we have discovered many things that would have made us better parents. Walking with God is the same way. When mistakes, failures, and frailties have taught us more of the important things, it is often time to make our exit. I alluded earlier to the fact that sometimes God doesn't make sense. This is one of those things that often eludes reason. Remember the scripture says to learn from the older and wiser. A note here however: Age does not always make one wiser. I have met people who just seem to get more stubborn, distant, and bitter as life goes on. By the time they make their exit, no one can stand to even be in their presence. I hope I am not one of them. It is also important to note that not all of these people where aged. Some were young, some were middle aged, and many were old.
It is important for me to note that I went to Bible College and obtained a degree in "Theology." At it's basic form Theology is the study of God. As many of you already know, God is such a broad subject. It is somewhat humorous to me that when someone studies along these lines and obtains a Master's Degree, it is often called a "Masters of Divinity" (M Div). The reason this is humorous to me is that I do not believe it is possible to become a "Master of Theology" or to put it another way "A Master of the Study of God". No one ever becomes an expert on God. It is impossible. He even tells us, "His Ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts." In fact, I will even venture to say that the more one truly knows God, the less he/she knows about Him. He tells us that we are made in His image but that doesn't even come close to the various dimensions of his nature. The reason that I stress this point is because we are constantly trying to understand the events that occur within and around us by trying to understand them within the contexts of our "rational" minds. As far as I've been able to ascertain, God never tells us that he'll help us understand. Rather he tells us that he will guide us into His will regardless of whether it makes sense or not. Our part is to TRUST. Hence the hard part. I have lived much of my life struggling with that simple concept. It is easy to say I TRUST when things are going good. However, when things are going "bad" and don't make sense to me, that's where I have this problem with TRUST. A note here: The Bible says, Abraham believed (trusted) God and it was credited to him as righteousness." What is this relationship between righteousness (right standing with God) and trusting? Trust is being able to walk in the fiery furnace, into a den of lions, laying your only son on an alter intending to sacrifice him, being a kid in front of a well trained giant who intends to kill you armed only with a slingshot. That's Trust. There is an old song that is often sung in various churches called "Standing on the Promises." The authors of that hymn probably realized much of what I have written about today. It would probably benefit all of us to do a Bible Study on the Promises God made to us. I mentioned all of the above to segue into my discussion of burnout.
Some events in our lives are so pivotal that we measure all other events as "before" that event or "after" that event. Oftentimes, life is marked with several of those pivotal events. My life was marked by several such events. Approximately 6 years into my time as pastor of the church, I encountered one such event. It came at such a time that it caused me great distress and forced me to reexamine what I THOUGHT I believed and what I truly believed (TRUSTED). (more to come)
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