Musings of a Prodigal Son

This is site is dedicated to the God of Grace who knows our weaknesses but loves us with unconditional love anyway.


I would like to say that those things I am about to write are indicative of a life lived in the will of God but they are not. However, I will be identifying many things that Pastors (and fellow believers) can do to have a successful ministry and life. My perspective does not come from doing everything right but from doing so many things wrong and hurting myself and others as a result. This is a pointed dialogue of one who did many things the wrong way but found a forgiving God who is rich enough in mercy to take those very things and use them for our good (Romans 8:28).

In the course of these things I will also stress with great appreciation that "Abraham believed God and it was counted unto him as righteousness." Underlying everything I share will be the boundless grace of God who again reminds me that my standing with Him has never been of my own doing but the doing of my Savior Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God for his "unspeakable gift!"




Musings of a Prodigal Son


Part 1


I remember as a very young adolescent feelings the stirrings of God to do something significant with my life. Didn't know what, just knew that there was a purpose and I needed to find it. As young adolescence turned into full-blown hormone induced adolescence, these stirrings took a back seat to other things such as listening to love songs, falling in love, out of love, in love again, and doing the things that make adolescence a time of adventure and of danger. Having experienced the grace of God to get through these times, in my early 20's those same "stirrings", which had never ceased to exist, came back to the forefront of my life as they would again and again. As myself and a friend who had similar stirrings began to spend time together, we began asking honestly what God might have planned for our lives. We didn't know what to do (we were not actively attending any church or meeting with any group of believers at the time), we just knew that our lives needed direction and that God could provide it. I remember the conversation in which we talked about not being satisfied with our lives and each stating that we needed to do something about it.....so we decided to begin meeting every other night to read the Bible and pray. This friend's father had purchased, years prior, an old country store located next to my friends house. For privacy, (we were not comfortable yet to include our young wives) we began meeting and praying in that old store. Praying was raw then. What I mean is, there was no form but just two seekers talking with God. We were awkward with each other at first but we soon became accustomed to meeting together and praying. Soon afterward, we both felt that God was encouraging us to go to the local church and begin attending there in addition to our private prayer and reading times. So on a nondescript Wednesday night, he and I walked into the prayer meeting of the local congregation. When we arrived, it became apparent that we were the only "young" men there. I did notice an excitement on the faces of several of the adults we knew there from our childhoods (we had both attended this church during our childhoods at various times). We just came as seekers wanting to here from God and be a part of his planned purpose in our lives. If you had asked us to articulate this at the time, we probably both would have been hard pressed to do that.

A little note here: Obedience is not something that we can "ease" into. We are either obedient or we are not. There have been times in my life (as well as the lives of many that I know) that I have looked for and hoped to find the will of God as if it is some green easter egg hidden in a thousand acre field of grass when in reality God made it plain if I had but listened. Revelation of His Will is an outgrowth of obedience to what he has already told me to do, often in his Word or through another who is seeking him (counsel of the Godly=counsel of those who continue to seek God). Hence the truth: "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all the things shall be added unto you." When I have been "stuck" at places in my life, as I look back I see that it was simply a matter of disobedience and unbelief on my part. It is often that I saw the next step, didn't like it for various reasons, and chose to keep asking. (I now believe that this is what the old Saints used to call "putting feet on our prayers." Following God's instructions is often "messy". Worthy of note also is that there are some people who seek to be "obedient" just to make a mess. The chaos around them makes them feel better about themselves. In the lives of anyone who lives this way, the issue is not disobedience but fear that the calmness and peace of God's Spirit will prompt self-reflection which will remind that person that they are undone. It is often a matter of not believing that His grace is sufficient to forgive (therefore a reluctance to really self-examine). At it's rawest form it is unbelief. For those who fear "disorder" (messiness), God prompts us to just focus on our own obedience to him. If that occurs, the gentleness of the Holy Spirit of God will apply the grace of God so that healing takes place in the Body of Christ.

Back to my story, looking back to that time in my life when my friend and I began to meet and pray, it was one of the greatest expressions of faith in God that I have ever experienced to date in my own life due to two things: 1)A Desire to Know God (Jesus) 2)A Commitment to Do the Simple Things He Asks--(they really are simple--often radically DIFFERENT than our rationally, scientific method dominated, politically correct world dictates as NORMAL but simple none-the-less. Revelation truly came out of that for both of us---the likes of which I have experienced very few times in my life since---not because it is not available but rather I got away from the two things mentioned above.

Very quickly, the stirrings again became a "calling." I have often thought of that word and heard it used loosely many times. An example comes to mind:  I remember when I would sleep at night in a in the first house we lived in when we moved to Reeltown. Many of you there may remember it (I know some of my friends who spent the night over do). It was the house that my mom and dad first bought for us to move to Reeltown in 1970. I remember it had three of those propane gas heaters that you light with a match and turn the lever on the side. I remember because I used to get up in the morning before school, run to one of those heaters, hang my pants upside down and let the heat run up in the legs before I put them on. My body would be covered in goose bumps by the time they heated up enough to put on. Again, back to my story. As I lay asleep in that house, I remember my mom "calling" me in the morning to get up to get ready for school. As I was asleep, it would seem like a dream as I began to hear her voice. If I didn't respond, she got louder and louder to get my attention. I remember one instance where I tarried and she poured a glass of water on my head. The point is that the task at hand (going to school) was so important that "calling" me until I heard became of utmost importance. This is often true of God. Especially when we are listening, we can hear when he "calls". Many people have asked me if I have ever heard the audible voice of God. I don't believe that I have but I have heard him "call" many times. As we continued to meet together, worshiping with others (at church), we gradually brought our young wives with us (they had always seemed willing but were just waiting on us to take the initiative). As I had as a young adolescent, I sensed that God wanted me to prepare for ministry. I had a former pastor who attended Baptist Bible Institute in Graceville. Since his graduation, the college had become Florida Baptist Theological College and was located in Graceville Florida (just across the Alabama line into Florida – approximately 20 miles from Dothan, Alabama.) I searched for my former pastor, Bro. Lee Swett, by asking various church members and acquaintances where he might be. I did not know at that time but he had recently become the Pastor of Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Slocomb, Alabama (approximately 10 miles west of Dothan, Alabama). I called and asked if he could meet with us and pray. He quickly agreed and he and Mrs. Swett met my friend and I at a Holiday Inn in Troy Alabama to eat breakfast. We talked and prayed. A little background here: Bro. Lee Swett was the Pastor of Reeltown Baptist Church when I made a profession of faith at age 12 years prior. At that time, I became very active in ministry and had spent time with our youth group speaking, singing (Lord help everyone who heard me singJ), and ministering to both adults and youth groups at several churches. I “surrendered” in the ministry at age 13 and Reeltown Baptist Church (now 1^st Baptist Reeltown) prepared to license me into the ministry. That is when the hormones (mentioned above) came into play and I asked that they “wait” because I was “unsure.” The church waited, Bro. Lee Swett moved on to become a Pastor in another distant town, and I began the process of “getting away from the church” during my teenage years.

After we met with Pastor Swett (Bro. Lee) at that hotel, I began to pray diligently with my friend and also with the church as well as at home with my wife. I was feeling the strong “calling” to go and train to be a pastor. So, with good intentions, I told my wife that we were moving to Graceville Florida to attend Florida Baptist Theological College because God wanted us to go. From hind sight even though my motives were good and my heart was set on seeking God, I should have considered more how she felt about such a sudden move. We had both attended college part-time and she had a good job (although low pay) at a local bank. She had developed friendships there since our marriage and her subsequent employment in 1988 (the year was now 1990). So, on a moderate winter day (January 1, 1991), we moved our little family to Graceville Florida to begin Bible College. Emily, my oldest who was born in 1988, was barely 3 years old at the time. My wife planned to stay at home and care for Emily while I attended school. Bro. Lee Swett had been praying with his new church and they decided to hire me as their Youth Pastor and I began the first Sunday after we moved to Florida. Previously, I had also obtained a job while in high school through my aunt that paid minimum wage income for doing very little work per month so I continued doing this when I first moved to Florida and my brother provided “call” for me if anything happened and something needed to be done when I was not in Alabama (I came back to Reeltown a couple of days a month to do this job and returned back to Florida). This went on for a few months. Rapidly, I got close to the Youth of Pleasant Hill Church in Slocomb Alabama and was really enjoying my time there as Youth Pastor. Next came a difficult time in my life but especially in the lives of my Pastor and his family. Bro. Lee became ill and subsequently had surgery to remove his larynx. The Church, all those there including me and my little family, prayed diligently for his return to continue the good work begun there but it was not to be. Due to his lengthy recuperation time after his surgery and subsequent treatments, he retired to recupperate. When he resigned, it was a difficult time for me due to the fact that I really wanted to spend more time learning from him. After all, I was really a young follower of Christ who just wanted to be close to God and accountable to someone who was doing things the right way. I believe, and continue to believe, that he was a great man of God and I could have learned so much under him and his ministry but it was not to be. He moved several hours away. I had preached and ministered at the church during Bro. Lee’s illness and upon his retirement and with his consultation and recommendation, they called me to be their Pastor. This was in August 1991. What is significant about this is that it had only been approximately one year since my friend and I had begun praying together about God’s direction in our lives. I remember talking to Bro. Lee about how inadequate I felt to be the Pastor of that church so quickly. This was the week prior to the church voting on whether to call me as their Pastor. I remember he asked me, “Do you think you are ready.” I replied, “No I don’t”. He replied that the response I had given was indicative of the fact that I was ready because I would not rely on my own strength but Gods to lead me. The vote was unanimous and I became their pastor. I wish I could say that the years to follow were marked only by God’s strength and not my own but they were not. I have often had a problem of trying to take responsibility for things that were not my responsibility and neglecting the things that were. My time in the Pastorate was no different.