Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. (Galatians 6:1 New Living Translation)
Before any of you jump in and rescue me, I want to say that I am aware that Jesus forgives me of my sins. He is not surprised by them. I accept his forgiveness and have worked over the years on forgiving myself for my short-comings and my failures in my Christian Life. Particularly, the overt and blatant ones of which I am reminded daily by seeing the consequences of those sins in the lives of others as well as myself. But on the basis of these things I would like to mention something that has been on my mind today.
I had some sobering thoughts this morning while I was driving between hospitals to see patients. I was in that no-man's land between disappointment and regret. I was thinking about disappointing someone in my past who was like a spiritual son to me. I remember it well from approximately 15 years ago. I remember that I had made a decision to divorce my first wife and this individual phoned me in tears and pleaded with me to think about what I was doing. Not out of judgement, but out of genuine concern and pain. There is a difference. This individual confronted me in the proper way mentioned in the scripture about seeing a brother in error and confronting him out of love. He was in pain because of my decision. It was not an "I would never do something like that" kind of confrontation. It was the same kind of pain that you often see in a mother's eyes when she sees her children making a decision that will cause them pain. When you can confront like that, it leaves a lasting seed for the good. At that time, I was on a path that would lead me further away from God and this person was hurting because of it. I believe the pain was for two reasons. They could see where my decisions were leading me and they were disappointed that someone they saw as strong in their faith could make a decision to turn from God. This is not disdain, it is disappointment. Many people are "disdained" by the sins of others. In my life, I have also experienced many other people who confronted to judge. That's the life of the Pharisee. Looking down on others. I remember a specific example of this when I used to attend Pastor's conferences. Sometimes there would be a pastor who "back-slid" and some of the other pastors who were on the podium would make certain remarks when introducing one of their contemporaries, "Pastor Jim (name inserted by me) has ALWAYS been true to his calling. He has never wavered (implying that there was one missing who had wavered)." You could feel the judgment in some of their remarks for the ones who were not ALWAYS true to their calling.
I remember the incident above where my friend confronted me because it makes me want to be a better man now. I remember the pain in my dear brother's voice as he talked with me. Good seed does not lay dormant forever. It will eventually sprout into a life giving plant. My dear brothers' seed from all those years ago has in the past several years began germinating within me. Although our relationship has been strained and we have not spoken or seen each other since that time, I still respect him greatly for loving me enough to hurt for me. At the time, I gave no credence to his concern. I was focused on my way, not God's way. But.....if you are not hurting for me, don't confront me.
I spent a great deal of time with this person. We rode bicycles together once a week from the town I lived in to a neighboring town, we played video games together, we talked at length together. He "knew" me. He cared about me. That is what made him hurt for me when I sinned. I am convinced that is one of the main problems with the church today. We don't know each other. We don't spend enough "real" time together getting to know the "real" person. We see the "Sunday" person but not the "Monday-Friday" person. We don't talk about the real struggles.
That is the primary reason (my opinion) that many churches based on "cell groups" (individual groups of hurting people meeting in homes at various times each week and worshipping together on Sunday Morning) are some of the fastest growing if not the only growing churches in America. There is accountability and love when you struggle together. Bonds form, pain is shared. Confrontation can only come out of love. Love only develops when you get to know real people in real pain. We need confrontation but we need it to come out of love.
If you don't love someone, don't confront them. A willingness to confront is no sign that you love someone. Don't use what God says as an excuse to tell someone they have done wrong and feel good about yourself because you have confronted them. That is not scriptural or helpful. Rather, it is very harmful. A lot of people enjoy pointing out the mistakes of others. That is not love, it is judgement. It pushes people further away from you and from God. It reminds them of how far they are from God but provides them with no means to come back to him. It's like being told that you should be in the mountains of East Tennessee but reminded that you are in the middle of the desert with no transportation. Silence and being left alone is better than that.
When Jesus confronted the "woman at the well" for her adultery, I believe he did it with sadness and love in his eyes at HER PAIN and the PAIN THAT HER CONTINUED INVOLVEMENT IN HER SIN WOULD CAUSE HER.
I need to feel the empty sinking feeling of my sin and its impact on others as well as myself. It doesn't mean I live defeated, it just means I am reminded of the pain that my sin has caused. Jacob had his limp. From time to time, I am reminded that I have mine.
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