Broken families are neutralized as witnesses of the grace of God. The spread of the Kingdom to all the world (which begins in each families realm of influence) ceases operations. Others are disappointed, friendships and godly bonds are broken, even with friends, and the fragmented troops are often "chased by the enemy of our souls" to cause further individual destruction. A broken individual is seldom equipped to deal with the onslaught of the enemy. This is why the church is SO CRUCIAL at this time in a persons life when the family unit has been destroyed. Prayer and Love, which is often manifested in Love and Godly Counsel, is what is needed at this point. Often times this is the very time when the people of God pick up weapons and begin to shoot fiery darts at the members of the broken family instead of Prayer and Godly Counsel. Remember, you who know Christ ARE THE CHURCH. Prayer and Godly Counsel often times occur as individual Christians and families privately love and help restore the hurting family members to the Hand of God's healing love. This is often not very "churchy" or orderly but is marked by unconditional and sustaining love. I am encouraging all of us to be the "Good Samaritan" here. It is not enough to get the person "off the side of the road" but rather to "nurse them back to health." Judgment must be kept far from the minds and actions of those who are ministering as it is just as dangerous as a contagion is to a person whose immune system is suppressed.
It is crucial to know that marriage is a foundational principle of the Christian life. It is a Kingdom of God principle. When a man and woman join "in holy matrimony", they become ONE FLESH. They are no longer seen as individuals but are seen as a ONE PERSON SPIRITUAL UNIT. Even in the old testament, which is often an object lesson for the Spiritual Kingdom of God ushered in by Christ, when a father sinned, his whole family was often punished and sometimes even put to death. They were seen as one offending unit. The destruction of this unit is far more serious than we often realize in this earthly realm. As I am writing this I am reminded that not only are the primary relationships destroyed when divorce occurs but other secondary relationships are also affected and destroyed. Once a "ONE FLESH" (husband and wife) have their union broken, their relationships with others are also broken. Nothing is ever the same. People who were once friends with the ONE FLESH have lost a friend because that ONE has ceased to exist. Practically, the unions and bonds of Christian friendship, which are vital to successful Christian living, have also been destroyed. They may be built again but never exactly the same. Spiritually when a husband and wife divorce and a family is destroyed, a Spiritual being (the ONE) has died. There is a grief process for all who knew them. If the ONE was a spiritual mentor to another, then their mentor has passed away. They too have to grieve and search for another. What I am writing to you may seem exaggerated but the spiritual results are exactly like this. The ramifications, when looked at spiritually, are staggering. Children have to adjust to losing the ONE. Their relationships with both individual parents, no matter how well-intentioned are NEVER exactly the same. The children have lost something. They too have lost the ONE.
Thankfully, God is in the restoring business. He takes all the broken pieces and puts them back together again in a beautiful way. That doesn't always mean that the ONE FLESH has been restored in the same way that it was before. God does not discard the broken pieces but rather builds another, and often more beautiful, vessel of honor. He is the potter, we are the clay. He is the author and THE FINISHER of our faith. It is not over until it is over. And once we are born again, it is NEVER over. There is always a purpose, there is always a plan, there is always the unending Love of a gracious Father. But when I was broken, I thought it was over. I had left my first love, I had turned away, I had made mistakes that were seemingly unforgiveable. It is prudent to mention here that when you are broken, when you are at the point of believing that you are no longer useful to the Kingdom of God, that is the point through which God begins to shine the light of grace and mercy into the brokenness of your life. He did in mine. I've seen Him do it in the lives of others. He can do it for YOU. God is not surprised by our Sin. He has already seen it's bitter end. He has already paid the price for it. He is already far ahead of us in this whole process. NOTHING GOOD THAT GOD HAS PLANTED WILL EVER BE WASTED. When I was broken, I believed that the things I had learned, the passion of my life, the purpose for which I was created would never be fulfilled. I was wrong. God awakened things within me (and is still awakening things within me) that I thought had died and would never be resurrected. Jesus ushered in a time when our reality can change. When the Kingdom of God can be "on earth as it is in heaven." Kingdom Life can be so real that it supersedes our current "reality".
I lived for almost 12 years after my divorce from my first wife seemingly "dead" to all the things that brought me joy and were of importance to me during my earlier life that had been given to God. Much of this time was spent with my 2nd wife. When I was out of the will of God, my decisions were out of the will of God. I am in no way speaking ill here of my second wife. She and I met when we were both not seeking God. We are very different people with totally different viewpoints on life. Our goals were/are different. The things of importance to each of us was different. I would like to say that two of the greatest blessings of my life came out of this relationship, two of my daughters. That is also the grace of a loving God. Even when we are far away by our own choices, he is still working for our good when we know Him.
It is important, however, to note that when you make a decision that is out of the will of God, it leads to the next decision that is out of the will of God. Those decisions are not the ones that people see and judge (often fellow believers in Christ are the most severe in their judgment). It is often the decisions that people don't see that are the decisions that are out of the will of God because they usually happen in a very subtle way. The decisions for which people are judged by other people are often just the consequences of the subtle decision to turn from God that happened in another time and possibly another place. I'll give an example here. I've mentioned this before but I'll reference this again (a conversation that someone had with me several years ago):
(Person) "Where do you live now?"
(Me) "I live in Miami"
(Person) "Was that your idea or God's?"
(Me) "It was mine" (my daughters and ex-wife had already moved there which is why I moved there in the first place. The decision that created subsequent circumstances occurred in a very subtle way in my heart many years before. I was then in bondage to go wherever those consequences took me. The sin took place many years earlier which resulted in me living many places.)
This person had not seen me in many years. Out of the overflow of the heart, our mouths speak. This was what this person had been doing during the interlude of time since I had last seen him. He had opinions about my life of which he knew nothing. Had he been praying for me without judgment, he would have "seen me from afar off, and embraced me with grace." He didn't. But I also can't judge him. I've done it too. I've judged others instead of loving them. It is a temptation for us all. It is our humanistic tendency in order to feel better about our OWN SINS. We compare ourselves to others instead of looking at the wonder of the sinless one who died on a cross so that we might all be forgiven. When you are "in the snare", you can often tell when someone is judging you just by being in their presence. By contrast, you can also feel the healing love of others. Don't forget that the healing love of others is often what brings a fellow believer THROUGH the pain of a broken marriage, and any broken relationship for that matter.
The point I am making is that when you are in the "snare of the enemy" you don't need someone pointing out to you that you are in a trap. You already know from the pain that you have caused and are currently experiencing exactly what consequences have resulted from your sin. Those of you who are brothers and sisters in Christ, pray and embrace. Don't judge and condemn. (to be continued)
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